Arbitration

Better to have loved, then to have lost... Try it.

2012-02-03T10:46:00.004-06:00

The Following is a portion of a letter i shared with my sister in law. The exact details as to why I told this tale are rather confidential, but the story is what I needed to share. it is a tale that only a few close confidants know, but ten years later after losing a woman I loved, it seems to be a good time to share it with the world.

There was a story I wanted to tell you, before you were shipped out to basic. I do hope that you read it over at least once. Long before you and I met I was seeing a young woman by the name of Emily Silverman. She went to the same high school my first long term girlfriend did. To say we did not get along would be like saying oil and water do not mix. In our high school years we generally avoided each other, and times where proximity could not be avoided we just did not speak, lest a shouting match break out.

In November of 2002 close to a year after breaking up with that same girlfriend I was ready to begin dating again. I ran into Emily at a party my friend was holding. It was not sparks flying or anything like that. Rather I willingly took the time to reintroduce myself to her, starting with a heart felt apology for my behavior when we knew each other previously. When I returned to Columbia after Thanksgiving I had an email waiting for me, with her phone number and a message. “Want to hang out? Maybe go dancing.”

Our first night together was eventful. I treated the whole thing like a first date, brought flowers, the whole nine. Things were going so well when I moved in for a kiss she dropped the bomb.

“You do know I am seeing someone, right?”

If on November 29^th 2002 you heard a faint screaming of the word “fuck” that was me. But something else happened that night, we hung out, talked, danced and eventually did kiss. She told me she wanted to leave the man she was with, but did not want to be a serial dater. She encouraged me to go out and date other people as well as her, give her time to sort herself out. I told her I would, but never got around to it. We hung out every weekend of December, briefly parted ways for new years, and resumed in January. At the time I never recalled being happier. It was around the 3^rd week of January that she called me on not dating anyone else, and pressed me to do it again. A week after that I started talking to your sister.

The last days of January and first weekend of February was an emotional roller coaster for me. I slept with Emily for the first time the night of Janurary 31^st, and woke up to see the Space Shuttle Columbia had disintegrated over Texas. In hindsight I should have taken that as an omen, but my belief in such things is weak to this day. About three days later I went out with your sister for the first time. In true Jenny fashion she really never gave me the chance to explain my situation. Waking up next to her, very sore from what you sister did to me, I finally got to tell her what was going on.

Much to jenny’s credit she did not cry, or feel betrayed that after sex on the first night I told her she was not the only woman I was seeing. Later on she admitted that some of the times she called me up trying to get me to come over cause she was sick, were cries for attention, but by then things had long since changed.

So for the month of February 2003 I was dating two wonderful women. I like to say there was the one I loved, and the one that loved me. To Emily’s credit, she kept saying she needed to meet your sister, saying she needed to “approve” her. Jenny was open to this idea as well, something that shocked me.

On March 19^th 2003 my life changed in a way that even 10 years later I find hard to reconcile. I got a frantic phone call from Emily, telling me something exciting just happened to her, and it meant big things for me as well. She wanted to wait to tell me in person. She told me she would be over at my Dormitory bright and early the following Saturday, because she started a new job Friday. The last words I ever heard her say were “I love you James. I can not wait to tell you.”

At 4: 19 PM on highway 65 heading to Marshall Missouri, Emily swerved her car to avoid hitting a coyote. She arrived at the University of Missouri Hospital 2 hours later and was in intensive care. I immediately dropped everything I had when her mother called me, and was at the University Hosptial Saturday morning, March 21^st. I begged her to hang on, cause she had something to tell me. Told her everything was going to be okay. I held her hand as she slipped away at 8: 22 am March 21^st.

Her mother, Kathy, later shared with me that she had left her boyfriend Jeremiah, and was working to transfer to the University of Missouri. Though Kathy did not say it out loud I guess the plan was going to be she and I would move into an apartment together.

Sister, you talked about how both you and your husband have irrevocably changed. I hope that tale shows you how I understand that. In my life I went through something at 20 years of age that no one should have to go through. And it changed me in ways I can not describe. But your sister did not run away from that, she was not afraid of what I had gone through, and she did not give up on me. I am not the same man that I was when Jenny and I first met, I am not the same man she moved in with, and I am not the same man she married. More to the point, Jenny is not the same woman she was at any of those points either.

Now as to why I chose to share this with you now? Because I should have shared it ages ago. That I did not reflects my failure to you as a friend, and a brother. Maybe there is a hint of better late then never, or a vain hope that this will give you something to chew on during those moments of mental auto-pilot. More then anything else I just want you to know that I understand, more then you know.

Where have all the badasses gone?

2011-09-28T14:11:00.002-05:00

Bullying is a perennial topic these days in the media and at dinner tables. As someone who in high school was brutally bullied, my heart always goes out to the families of teens who decide they can not handle it and turn to suicide.

The most recent example, one Jamey Rodemeyer of Buffalo New York is turning attention to a federal level though, and we are staring down the barrel of federal anti bully legislation. That we have to rely on federal regulation to force school administration and parents do their fucking jobs is beyond tragic to me. It shows a colossal failure of both entities to keep up with the technology that took torment to such an outrageous degree.

The common thread that I keep seeing is that teenagers are no longer safe anywhere. That people who chronically bully them are on social media doing it, and occasionally breaking Stalking laws and following them home. The specific torments are nothing new, usually relating to sexuality. But what shocks me is what is absent.

What I don’t understand is why the victims of bullying don’t rage out and fight back, violently if they have to. Particularly if the torment gets physical. Where is the rash of Zangief Kids out there? Where are the kids who have had enough, hit the gym, and go from Bruce Banner to the Hulk? I hate to ask this but where the fuck are the kids that get so angry that they externalize that pain and do something even worse?

I hate to go back and blame the Columbine Incident, but something happened over the past decade where kids were brought to believe that lashing out violently at people who are going out of their way to torment you is not the answer. Despite the above statement, I am not advocating a rash of bullied kits bringing shotguns to school, but I certainly think a few months at the gym followed by breaking some faces is called for. I want to see Gay-Strait alliance kids form a little muscle in their group, and deliver some Archie Slaps to the insecure fuckheads that think its okay to pick on others so THEY feel good about themselves.

Violence against bullies should not be the first solution by the bullied, but I think we need to adapt the student culture so it returns to being a viable solution. If it isn’t, and teens continue to think they have no other option but to be powerless and rely on other people, then they will behave powerless and rely on other people. The future will be dim indeed if that happens.

Really?

2011-08-31T09:33:00.003-05:00

Once in a while I come across something that I find just about everything wrong with. Not even an instance where I can say- “Well isn’t that cute??? BUT IT’S WRONG!!!!!” this morning as I plopped down at my desk at work and did my morning wind up, I ran across this article on The Escapist.

That led to the source article, which already got my blood boiling as is. A woman buried a potential relationship in two dates simply cause a hedge fund guy played Magic the Gathering. Despite the fact that this was Jon Finkel, the Magic World Champion, I honestly feel like that had very little to do with it, so much as the mere presence of cardboard crack in his life.

But that delicious main course of “Girl bails on a guy cause he is a geek.” Is just that, the savory ribeye to a glorious meal of hate. I want to talk about the other things she did in this story that piss me off

First was the shame that she approached dating online, using OkCupid. In my life I have had a few relationships going to “date rapey bars” and hang outs. I even went to a girls church just because I wanted to know if her boobs were real or not. I think it speaks volumes though that the woman I married, and have a son with, I met online.

The mixture of shame and fear of finding a person through a largely anonymous dating site just does not register to me. Granted women who go to these sites, don’t act creepy, saying things like “Cut the crap Hamlet.” If you ask me I think it sucks that most women set up free profiles and a “take a number” box. It makes me wonder if women get a perverse kick out of making men suffer to try to prove that they are good enough to even get the chance to see them in person. I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that it is the same way for websites that are similar but for… other purposes.

So here we have a woman who already is doing something she does not want to do, and being a total twat to people because she has not bothered to cancel her account, That is Strike Two to how she treated Mr. Finkel’s Strike One. A nice Caesar salad in this meal if you ask me.

The Second thing I want to talk about is the date itself. Now in Alyssa’s defense, she did not say how the date was agreed to. If they agreed to dinner and a show, and Mr. Finkel purchased tickets to Jeffrey Dahmer on Broadway without saying “how about this” that is on him. But part of the lesson here is that if you expect to be swept off your feet by a well hung Dudley Do-Wright on a palomino horse on the first date, I think you need a brief lesson in real life.

In an online dating situation, you got two people busting through imaginary social stigma, and their own insecurities to meet up with each other. The only information the have is their name, and if they are smart a criminal background check. In any first date you should be prepared for everything. By everything I mean Chinese food to bad movies, to heels breaking, and the possibility of drinking too much. If Magic the Gathering has players nicknamed Johnny, Timmy, and Spike, Dating has your, Ted, Marshall, and Barney

Ted is the guy who plays it cool, but deep down wants that long term relationship, ultimately involving you in a white dress.

Marshall is timid, but ultimately wants the same thing as ted, maybe with a little to much more focus.

And Barney is… Well he is Barney.

So Strike three, and a lovely twice baked tater on you Miss Bereznek. Sure there is the wine and the spinach I could have discussed to, but this fine meal of hate should stick to the staples.

All that is needed for Evil to succeed...

2011-07-25T10:37:00.002-05:00

Well this past weekend has not been looking good for the United States has it? While most of us were seeking shelter since the bad, but not nearly as bad as 1989 heat wave, John Boehner decided to walk away from the White House in negotiating a solution to the nations various economic troubles.

The process has been ass backwards from the get-go. The “Debt Ceiling” situation should have been tackled months ago, but was put off. The two houses of congress should have been negotiating first, THEN the President gets involved through final arbitration.

The Democratic party has already had it’s balls cut off in the negotiations, so their pitfalls need not be examined to closely. Fact is that forcing through the health care reform act the way they did spent all of their political capital for the next decade. While as a party they do in fact have a point in this crisis of the month largely they are drowned out.

As far as the Republican party though, their failure comes in three distinct steps

1) Pledges made by many party members of various imports kneecapped any flexibility to perform in any way on this issue.

2) The inability to separate running a government from ideas of running a household or a business has made Draconion and unfair budget cutting the keystone to their policy, rather then a component part.

3) Inability to see oppourtunity to further bury their opposing party through compromise (the gather more flies with honey then vinegar theory)

Let’s make no mistake here, Democrats and moderate Republicans were MORE THEN FAIR in the negotiations. By offering 3 Billion Dollars in cuts in exchange for 1 dollar in tax revenue, most would call that a deal everyone can agree to. Various polls stated that Americans could live with the so called “Gang of Six” deal hammered out.

House Republicans, who make up the largest part of the now proven inept “Tea Party Caucus” seem to forget the lesion that Democrats proved with the Health Care Reform Act. If you want to forcibly enact fundamental change on such a large scale to the United States, you need control of all three houses of government. The Republican party currently has control of ONE. This leaves the House of Representatives the equivalent of a High School Student Council petitioning the Board of Trustees. You get heard, but your agenda will not go anywhere without negotiation.

At this point I have largely given up on this monetary crisis. I actually am hoping that the nation goes into default, and that public blame gets spread around everywhere. There is an old saying “All that is needed for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.” Given that the congress, who all are fundamentally good people, has done nothing to avert crisis, it should be perfectly fair that the evils that will follow be laid at their feet.

Let the Fates fall where they may.

Asses Kicked, Bubblegum Chewed

2011-07-01T12:22:00.004-05:00

So when last we talked I gave the VERY abridged version of the development History of Duke Nukem Forever, leaving the final chapter out but leaving a cryptic video of the introduction to a completely different and awesome game.

That game if you were not paying attention Was Borderlands, a scifi single player shooter of epic proportions loved by fans and critics alike, and bringing Gearbox Software into the forefront of video game visionaries. Previously they were known as “those guys that did Half Life Mods for Valve.

The final development chapter of this review is that after a minor bit of Drama, Gearbox walked up to 3D Realms, raped it, took their baby away and left behind a roll of quarters for cab fare. And while such imagery may be vile when done to real people,. I can honestly say that 3D Realms deserved it.

So here we after after 15 years and one last delay for old times sake, is Duke Nukem Forever worth it?

No, it is not worth 15 years of development.

Let me elaborate. I was a Duke fan since the side scrollers. I know the game I followed it. I lost hope and regained it, and upped the bucks for the shiny super jumbo deluxe version to reward my reaffirmation of the game and its new developers. And when I played it, and got about half way through it I went back to playing Halo Reach.

Under that magnifying glass, Duke Nukem forever is not worth the money I paid. But then two things happened when I played the game for a friend of mine who was only vaguely familiar with Duke Nukem as a franchise.

I blew up then pulled the tongue out of a 3 boobed alien monster, went right into a strip club and had some fun. And my friend said

“This is actually one of the coolest games ever!”

He elaborated that there was no part of the game as a shooter that was trying to be serious. The over the top voice acting, the goofy writing, the ambiance all made for a rather hyper masculine cathartic package. That the lack of emphasis on story, game mechanics, and trying to “push the envelope” emphasized the character of the game.

Okay so he did not say it in so many words, but that was the conclusion I came to after viewing Duke Nukem Forever through his eyes. Speaking of which when he popped them back in his head from a virtual lap dance he applauded the little things that could be done, from using a toilet, to smoking cigars, getting lap dances, playing pool, pinball, arcades, and even flipping off the lights.

This perspective also allowed me to see how when you examine DNF you can see across the past 14 years at all the little traits that had been pilfered from other shooters. This allows the game mechanics themselves to be solid, if not revolutionary.

And that is the key thing to take away from Duke Nukem Forever. It is a solid game. They key criticism that you will find in any review is that “it does not bring anything new.” Never mind that whole franchises have been doing that for years and gotten away with it. Mechanically the weapons are uniqe, the Platforming elements are solid. the only point I really complain about is that about 2/3rds of the way through the game you have to engage in a vehicle section that is drawn out way the hell to far. but overly log arduous levels are nothing new in video game history either, right?

Long and short, check your high expectations at a door. This is not a fantastic game, but it is competent. I want to see what Gearbox can do with the franchise next.

Come Get Some!

2011-06-17T09:44:00.002-05:00

So yeah, 15 years in the making, was Duke Nukem Forever worth it? Yes and no. Wait most of you don’t know what Duke Nukem Forever is? Okay story time!

Duke Nukem began its life in 1991 with Apogee Software releasing a simplified side scroller, whereby a blond hero named Duke Nukem was captured by the Mad Dr Proton and had to escape and simultaneously stop his antagonist plans for world domination. Plots don’t get more silly then that. It was popular enough that a second side scrolling sequel was released in 1992, but by then Video Games were undergoing a fundamental shift. At the time a Mesquite Texas based company founded by Kansas City Native John Carmak created Wolfenstein 3D, followed by Doom. Both published about about the same time.

Seeing a chance to make a name for itself on the then emerging First Person Shooter Market, Apogee Renamed itself 3D Realms and took the plunge. After three years of development Duke Nukem 3D was released. And did it impress.

Seriously the computer gaming world had seen nothing like this, and consoles were unable to compete as well. The titular character went from a bland sprite to this over the top, chauvinistic blend of Ash Williams and Snake Pliskin. More so then anywhere else Duke Nukem 3D tread on ground no other game would, by introducing elements such as alcohol use, sexual situations and entertainment, drug use, and no holes barred foul language, Duke Nukem played to the adult market at a time when even PC gaming was seen as for children.

Immediately upon the commercial success of Duke Nukem 3D, 3D Realms announced in 1997 a sequel titled Duke Nukem Forever. Despite Seven Spin off games however during the times pan, DNF was delayed repeatedly.

The development History of the game is nothing short of Legen- Wait for it…

It got to be so bad that DNF became the butt of many jokes, to the point of being the definition of Vaporware. Such comments like Duke Nukem If Ever, Whenever, Fornever and the list goes on became standard for making fun of it. Fans even grew weary and by 2001, there was little press on developments as 3D Realms shuttered itself and simply said it would hit the streets “when it’s done.” In that time-span fans largely forgot about the game though some remembered, and compiled a list of things that happened since Duke Nukem Forever was announced.

When it was finally announced that 3D Realms had fired the Duke Nukem Development Team and was undergoing financial restructuring, Forever finally seemed all but dead, despite the teaser released earlier in 2007.

But then again…. There ain’t no rest for the wicked.

We will finish the History Lesson and get to the review next time.

Some things Just do not need to be...

2011-06-06T14:39:00.002-05:00

WHY GOD WHY!!!!!

Look, here is the thing, I am a Halo fan. I was first exposed to Halo combat evolved when my brother and I simultaneously split with our respective girlfriends and in a huge bout of male sympathy, I had my first beer with my dad, we went out for burgers and ended up buying a Microsoft X Box and half of its launch library. Halo was the only thing that stood out. While its level design was not very impressive, it did a lot of things to the First Person Shooter (which I was still calling Doom Clones) that were impressive. A regenerating health bar, the ability to only carry two weapons, use of grenades as an action instead of a separate weapon. Halo took a lot of ideas from various other shooters and melded them into a perfect experience.

Halo as a fictional universe has a core trilogy, surrounded two (later three) main characters on a quest to save the galaxy from Religious arrogance, I mean space bugs. It was rich in allusions to Biblical, Torranic, and Islamic scripture. It also had elements of Greek myths, Chinese fables, and even King Arthur, particularly the ending of the core Trilogy.

RIGHT THERE! The hero who saved the world is presumed dead from his crusade, and is being escorted by the Lady of the Lake to sanctuary until he is needed again. Bang! Fineto! Done! story is closed, yes there was allusion to further tales, but really we did not need them. If the Halo Universe was to survive, it should have done so upon its own merits rather then trying to artificially drag out a long gone protagonist’s story.

And you know what pisses me off more then anything else. I am going to buy it! I am going to play it! And I will probably enjoy it despite the inevitable glaring faults.

Video Games ARE Art!!!

2011-06-01T12:07:00.003-05:00

So last month the National Endowment for Arts declared that Video Games are considered an art-form, and therefore are open to federal funding for development, the same way television, film, theater, and literature are occasionally granted pitiful grants that keep the people working on those projects fed for a month.

Run on sentence lead-ins aside, we now have exhibits from talented developers on video games great and small on display in the Smithsonian. This project from what I hear was in development for the past five years, and continuously updated till its debut this year. So next to your Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael, and the Shredder will be the works of Shigeru Miyamoto (of Mario Brothers fame).

This is unequivocally a good thing. One only needs to go onto YouTube and search for “Halo 3 VidDoc” too see the tireless effort that artists go into drawing on paper, then creating real life models of before finally rendering onto screen their works to be the Master Chief we love to send out into Alien Kickassia on weekends.

Wow I am abusing grammatically correct run on sentences today…

Of course it did not take much time for the controversy engine to stir up whether this new declaration had Merit. Credit has to go to Fox news for presenting our subject matter in not only the wrong light, but an incredibly biased light. You can either watch this video or if you want a smart ass comic that tells the same story you can look at this.

The Video specifically mentions the Call of Duty Series, and it possibly getting federal funding. Call of Duty, for the uninitiated is a video game that places you in the perspective of a solider (usually British or American) fighting wars. Initially the game was set in World War II, but eventually evolved into more modern scenarios. As I mentioned above the argument postulated by Fox is that should such a game be entitled to N.E.A. funding.

I agree with Fox, it does not. I also agree with Activision, it does not. I agree with numerous gaming websites and magazines, who all agree with Fox. There is no need for a Triple A studio blockbuster of a Video Game to receive any federal funding to ensure its release. It is a good thing that is not what the NEA is interested in.

To give Activision federal grant money to release a Call of Duty game (which despite my criticisms does have some artistic merits) would be the equivalent of the NEA giving James Cameron money to make Avatar. No one would deny the artistic merit of the film, but it was doing fine on its own, being funded by one of Hollywood’s powerhouses, and a major studio.

The NEA would be more interested in providing funding for a game like Minecraft, Braid, Limbo or Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Google each one of them, or YouTube some game footage and you will see what I mean. These are engines of creativity that even despite every one of them being a roaring success never got enough credit.

Of course major media outlets don’t care. They call up IGN and ask “what were the top 5 selling games of the past year?” Then of course they are treated to four First Person Shooters and Grand Turismo and show clips of those while they ask game developers “IS THIS ART!” And they might as well do it in German accents for all the choice any relatively reasonable media critic or games industry insider has.

The key thing is that we have across the world what is Commercial Art, and what is Fine Art. You never see and advertising agency putting up their projects for Kellogg’s up for federal funding. Likewise BioWare will not be trying to get the Feds to fund the last quarter of Mass Effect 3. Even controversial art-house games would be subject to federal scrutiny, and cynical attempts to garner attention like the so called “School Shooter Mod” would be rejected immediately. (if you want to see an art-house style game covering school shootings I highly recommend Super Columbine Massacre by the way. The creator actually makes a significant attempt to explore the psyche of the Columbine Shooters.)

History is on the side of Games however. We have schools at major universities devoted to animating assets for video games. There are more man hours spent rendering every curve and angle of Miranda Lawson’s arse then in any one Rembrandt painting.

The major Pushback against Video games entering the mainstream has to do with one very key item. Video games are still by and large regarded as toys for children. Much in the same way that Radio was regarded as a tool, and film a meaningless novelty, the origins of Video games from the days of the Magnivox Oddessey and Atari 2600 has permitted a generation of journalists and political leaders to have a clear waypoint to try and keep games “in their place.”

Where the moment in games is that the proverbial “chains” were broken and Video games managed to break free of being merely children’s toys, I can not point to. Some say as early as February 12^th of 1991 with the release of Super Mario Brothers 3, one of the most critically acclaimed video games ever. Others would cite Final Fantasy VII or Halo: Combat Evolved.

But the chain has been broken, game designers are no longer toymakers, and players, as has been shown by statistical analysis time and again are not just children. Games are no longer approaching mere entertainment, but instead ask the player to consider moral quandaries and balance out the consequences of their actions. Whole avenues of entertainment have sprung up around gamer culture. To say that it is only a matter of time shows that people have not been paying attention, as now we merely have to wait for the stubbon holdouts to die.

Pointless Bitching about TIm Burton

2011-05-26T09:58:00.000-05:00

I am a movie fan, as I think I have intimated at least once here. And I like all sorts of movies. Action, Comedy, Drama, Epics, Fantasy, Horror… you know the genre I can name at least ten films I liked in that genre.

But you know who I don’t like in movies, at all, to the point of generally boycotting them entirely these days? Tim Burton.

I don’t know what it is about this guy, but he has driven me bat shit ever since the Nightmare Before Christmas. Wait I do know what it is about this guy. And I think I will outline it right now.

First off Tim Burton has some serious Daddy Issues. While this was not REALLY prevalent in Beetlejuice or Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure (and I can not comment on Vincent as I have never seen it.) Ever since he directed Batman in 1989, Tim Burton has been really big on daddy issues. In Batman it was I watched my daddy die, in Edward Scissorhands it was Daddy did not finish me, and Nightmare Before Christmas “Daddy controls me to much.” I could go on about other films (Planet of the Apes, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Big Fish for example.) but the point is that the theme of Paternal neglect, abandonment and abuse runs rampant through his films.

Secondly there is the strand of Re-Makes and non original IPs that Burton has a hand in that really piss me off. He famously said during the production of 1989’s Batman that he did not need to be familiar with the comic books to make a good batman film. Fortunately it seemed there were others involved in production that steered it in the right direction, but this blasé attitude continues in other films. Mars Attacks was a crappy redo of the infamous Ed Wood flick Plan Nine From Outer Space, despite having little to do with the originals plot (there is an actual Plan Nine Redux in the works right now though that looks spectacular.)

In Planet of the Apes, the visuals were stunning, and the makeup was as fantastically innovative as the original. But the Stranger in a Strange Land idea that made the initial Planet of the Apes so awe inspiring was not there. People point to many specific things, but for me it was that the humans in Burton’s planet retained a sense of intelligence and culture, however suppressed it may be. Compare that to human beings in the Charlton Hesston film who were one step shy of being wild animals. The juxtaposition of a sapient human in a land where it was apes who were sapient was lost right there.

Finally with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Burton Openly messed with greatness. I can not fathom that film other then “Here is Johnny Depp acting kooky!” The visuals were garish, the music was forgettable, and NONE of that magic from the ’71 was ever rendered. Like the candy Willy Wonka made, it was sugary and hollow.

Oh wait, I mentioned Johnny Depp didn’t I? While the performances rendered in Edward Scissorhands and Ed Wood were brilliant, showing both subtlety and passion respectively, it seems that Burton is nothing more then the bottom bitch to Mr Depp whenever his bank account runs dry. Only Helena Bonham Carter has appeared in more Burton films over the past decade and that is because she is fucking Burton.

Through all of this I can not say that Mr. Burton is a talentless hack, but his talent just does not show through. The man is a master at cinematography, but he needs to spend more time directing films rather then micromanaging them to meet his acid trip visions. What’s the point of all of this? I really don’t know I just wanted to bitch about Tim Burton, go in peace my friends.

Munchkins

2011-05-16T12:29:00.000-05:00

This is another case of me sharing someone else story. There is a debate going on in the Battletech community of “what is and is not Munchkin.” It arose for reasons I can not quite explain, though it seems the property is in this state of singularity, with so many antique rulebooks that the company with the IP now has been working, for really the past five years now, to create a set of “Core” Books to put everything in a few easy to read volumes.

The way it works is that the core rule books are “Tiered” in a particular way. The first book gives you the Standard Rules, the ones that will never change or go away. Book 2 is an instruction manual on how you can build your own game pieces, which is where things start to get controversial. The reason being is that after a quarter of a century in development, Battletech already has over 1000 “Official” play pieces and variants, so there is a core of players who refuse to play with customs made from this second book.

Books 3 and 4 instruct you in ways to expand the standard rules to allow for new ways to play. The joke is that with them, you can have a military conflict on a sinking super tanker in a hurricane that was carrying hives of bees that are now loose, and giant robots are throwing cargo containers at each other like wrestlers and steel chairs. And there is one more book to go.

Among players there is this sense that if the rule even exists, then they have a right to use it, no matter what other players say, so this can cause some contention if at the very least, no other player is even familiar with the rules being used. Anyway on to the story.

“Back in the days when the Clans were relatively new, I got conned into playing a demo at the local RPG store. While just hanging out one day, I was talking to a friend and mentioned some 10-15 ton ‘mechs that I had designed and was quite proud of; I said that I’d put them up against any canon light design in the books. Next thing I know, the owner of the store says “We have a challenge!” because another player there told him he’d take that challenge.

So we work out the date, time and terms: I’d bring a 4-‘mech lance of my custom IS ultralights and my opponent would bring a lance of 4 LIGHT Inner Sphere ‘mechs from any official book available at that time. We settle on maps (3 x 3), victory conditions (last ‘mech standing) and go home.

At the set date and time, I show up with my force; two15-ton and two 10-ton IS ‘mechs (I might post stats later; fastest one was 6/9, I made extensive use of advanced IS tech and the lance was fairly well balanced with LRMs and even an ISerLL… and all-regular 5/4 pilots.

My distinguished opponent brought a STAR of FIVE custom clan ‘mechs; ranging in weight from 35 tons to 55 tons (yes, two mediums) each with an elite 2/1 pilot.

When I pointed out to him that this was not the agreed force composition he claimed to have forgotten, that he’d misplaced his TROs, that he was ‘used to clan tech’, that it was too late to make new sheets, blah, blah, blah…

When I complain to the store owner, he says that I ‘did say any ‘mech’ and implied that I was being a poor sport. In the end, I had nothing better to do that afternoon and if nothing else, I’d test my designs in battle.

I did ask to level the playing field by at least matching skill levels (to which my opponent strenuously objected, claiming that ‘clan pilots are the best’ so he would not even consider reducing his pilot’s uber-elite rating), but after much wrangling (and being accused of being a crybaby) I was “magnanimously” allowed to increase my pilot’s rating to 3/2.

So there I am, my 4 IS ultra lights facing five custom clan ‘mechs, the lightest of which is twice the weight of my two heaviest ‘mechs put together and his heaviest heavier than my entire lance put together.

Battle starts and surprise, surprise; he ignores zell. I start setting fires anywhere useful, generating smoke and maneuvering to get the best advantage of available cover. Within three turns we started shooting at each other. Superior tactics on my part (humbly, I have to admit it’s true; he basically tried to charge across an open field, decreasing his chances of hitting) and a few lucky rolls soon (2 combat turns) had two of his ‘mechs down and a third in dire straits, while only two of my units had any type of damage (worst damage was the loss of an arm with nothing mounted on it).

My opponent goes NUTS. Picks up one of his minis, throws it against the wall, overturns the table, kicks his sheets on the floor and storms out in a fit of fury, never again returning to the store.

Yeah. He pretty much defined “munchkin”; extreme power-gamer hell-bent on winning at any cost, including at the cost of the enjoyment of others. No single thing makes someone a munchkin.”

What we wanted Mace Windu to say...

2011-05-04T11:35:00.000-05:00

Today is Star Wars day and I am feeling Irreverent, so here is a list of things that everyone WANTED Samuel L Jackson to say during his tenure in the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy.

1) BASIC MOTHER-FUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT!

2) This is your father’s Lightsaber, when you absolutely, positively must kill every mother fucker in the room, accept no substitutes

3) Hold on to your Butts, or tentacles, or whatever you got that you sit on.

4) Say try mother fucker! Say try again! I DARE YOU I DOUBLE DARE YOU SAY TRY AGAIN!

5) Use the force bitch!

6) You have reached the desk of Mace Windu, please leave a message after the beep. HEY I SAID AFTER THE BEEP! *Beep* That’s better!

7) Does he look like a nerf? *IGNITES LIGHTSABER* DOES HE LOOK LIKE A NERF!? THEN WHY YOU TRY TO HERD HIM LIKE ONE?

8) Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Yoda miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of the Force.

9) Not even the Force knows what you're doing!

10) You having a nice day, sir? You feeling all right? Not to get too personal, but a Sith standing in the middle of Courescant wearing a sign that says "I hate Jedi" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking.

11) Who was the last person to beat Darth Vader? His mother!

12) Mano a mano? My Lightsaber wants to laugh.

13) I got this young nineteen year old Country girl named Sheronda. I found her on a Starport two days outta Hoth, barefoot, country as a Nerf herd. I took her to my place in Taris, told her it was Courescant.

14) Obi-Wan can tell me any story that comes into his pretty little head, just so long as at the end of that story he hands me my motherfucking Credits.

VINDICATION!!!!!!

2011-04-15T12:20:00.001-05:00

Remeber my Arbitration a few weeks ago about why Transformers Revenge of the Fallen sucked balls?

well the screen writers pretty much confirmed my hypothesis

New Blogs

2011-04-15T10:58:00.002-05:00

for my few readers, my Brother in Law, and My friend are gonna try something new and cool.

this Blog is basically the beginning of a bad joke. it is what happens when a Jew, a Christian, and an Atheist walk into a bar. a blog where three men discuss, well, anything, and you get to see it happen.

you can find it at thebeginningofabadjoke.blogspot.com

This is Not Intended to be a Factual Statement

2011-04-15T10:47:00.001-05:00

If I were John Kyl’s opponent in his next election I would be thanking every God and Demon that holds some sway over this world right now. For those not in the know, during the past budget crisis a huge hang up was federal dollars for planned parenthood. Said money made up one one-hundredth of one percent of the federal budget, .01% and yet it stalled the whole process.

The Gem of it was when one political party was saying that the American Taxpayer should not have to pay for Abortion Services. I actually think that is fair, and it has been the law of the land since 1976 with the Hyde Amendment. So why was it a big deal now? Any federal dollars given to plan parenthood is subject to audit, thus making this valuable organization have to prove federal money is not spent on such services. Problem solved right?

Enter John Kyl, who on the floor of the senate said, and I quote

“Abortion is 90% of what planned parenthood does.”

Let that sink in for a second. I will wait.

What John Kyl has said is that Abortion services make up 90% of Planned Parenthoods budget, which means that, thanks to the Hyde amendment they have a budget in the billions of dollars mostly provided by private donations.

Except that this has proven to be demonstrably false. As a non profit, planned parenthoods books are open to public scrutiny, and you find that abortion services make up a meager 3% of any funds spent by Planned Parenthood in the United States.

But I am not here to talk about abortion, I am here to talk about John Kyl and his defense when his statement. “Abortion is 90% of what planned parenthood does.” Was prove false in the public court.

“That was not intended to be a factual statement.”

Basically John Kyl lied on the floor of the senate, and admitted it. This means at the very least that his next election should be open season so long as at the end of every statement made you admit that “this is not intended to be a factual statement.”

Think about it.

“Hi, I am John Doe, and I want to tell you something about Senator John Kyl. Recent facts have come to light that Senator Kyl is a False Idol worshiping, child fondling heathen-devil-pagan. He snorted cocaine off the ass of Charlie Sheen, and has a total of 42 children by 56 different women. Is this the kind of man you want representing Arizona? Not me, I stand for doing the impossible, if you elect John Doe, I will work tirelessly to make sure the light barrier is broken, and we can divide by zero. I am John Doe, and I approve this message, even though it was not a factual statement.”

It is GOLD I tell you, think about Senatorial debates! Or refuting the entire election as not a factual statement.

All jokes aside, what Senator Kyl did was nothing new, but he just got busted pretty bad by it. Best case scenario is that this degenerates into a whole world of chaos and outright lying for a few election cycles before the people have had enough.

Worst case scenario though is that the people let Senator Kyl get away with it.

Same Sex Marraige Logic Bomb

2011-04-14T11:38:00.002-05:00

I wish I could claim credit for this, I really do. The truth is that my Brother-in-law wrote this little snippet about Same Sex Marriage, and I think it is worth repeating in the wide and indestructible world of the internet. I hope you have your suit on, it's time to get wet.

Let's start with the basics: National Organization for Marriage. Not Society. Not Children. Marriage. They care about marriage, pure and simple. They are founded right there at the tippy-top of THE slippery slope. They firmly believe Gay Marriage... is the stepping stone to total anarchy. The path down the slope includes all the following checkpoints: Polygamy, Zoophilic Marriage, Pedophilic Marriage, and teaching children how to be gay (also called 'recruitment').

How do we know this? They don't actually talk about protecting their own marriages - they talk about what gay marriage will do to children and society. They are strangely mute when it comes to their own marriages. I'm not even going to do more than mention that their most public face, Maggie Gallagher (that proud proponent of traditional marriage), still refuses to take her husband's name. But, that's something we aren't being told by NOM to think about. We are such bad people for that, aren't we?

Moving on to slightly more advanced topics, such as what gay marriage will actually DO to heterosexual marriages. This can be answered surprisingly simply: NOTHING. I have =yet= to meet =anyone= in a heterosexual marriage that actually fears what will happen to their marriage with their spouse if gay marriage is made legal. They trot up some story about their children, or society at large. They might even grace me with scripture, taken gently out of context to smack me about the head and face. But, regardless of all that, they are still silent when it comes to the topic of their own marriage.

I have an idea of what is going through their minds here. I am certain that a very small percentage of them believe a band of marauding gays will come along and force them to get divorced, then force them into homosexual marriages. Let's say, maybe 1% of them. Another 14% are frightened that their closeted child, spouse, or close friend will come out of the closet in the wake of the spreading tolerance and force them to deal directly with something that repulses them to their core. Another 35% are simply parroting what they are told to parrot by their religious leaders, the term for those people more closely then ever resembling actual Shepherds. The remaining 50% aren't really pausing to think about the ramifications of their actions, since they simply aren't gay and see no real reason to be invested.

On the pro-SSM side, the heterosexuals involved can be described very simply - people who have actually given it due consideration. We know personally, and closely, someone who is gay and affected by this decision. We see the human face of this every day, and we understand. Our marriages are =not= threatened. Our marriages will NOT collapse magically, and we will not be forced into homosexual marriages.

Lastly, we understand the nature of terms like "Equal Protection," "Equal Rights," and "Liberty and Justice for ALL." Think about that for a moment. This means ALL people, regardless of race, religion (or lack thereof), sexual orientation, or any other trait which can be used to divide people.

When you throw your support in for this "National Organization for Marriage", think carefully about what you are supporting. You are supporting discrimination based in fallacy. You are supporting degradation of an entire segment of your fellow citizens into a second class. You are supporting prejudice and spin, and they are happily duping you into that support. All it takes is for you to go with the flow, not thinking about the consequences of your actions.

All Hail Suavo, Lord of Bad Rolls

2011-03-09T15:06:00.000-06:00

When I was in college I played board games with a group of fellow nerd ranging in ages from 8 to 50. All of them had their ups and downs as people. Scott was a gentle giant of a man, but I worry about his health, James Ernst was a mathematical genius but took to playing the Meta- game to seriously. And Pete was way to hard on himself, to the point where if something went the wrong way he got distracted and his composure collapsed.

One man stood above all of these though as someone I remember. His name was George but everyone including himself called him Suavo. The first reason was that his actual polish last name was difficult to pronounce. The second reason was that he was a suave mother fucker.

When he played MechWarrior in the group he gravitated towards a faction that was known for the ability to take hits repeatedly, but not have much offensive might. Everyone questioned his choice, as it seemed that when rolling dice, he had no luck at all. He would often just miss the required rolls needed, or when he did hit it was of little consequence at the time.

He had this inane ability though, to share his luck, or lack thereof. Like a Jedi convincing a drug dealer to rethink his life, he merely waved his hands, and his opponents dice would turn to piles of cubic mush. I dunno how he did it, but at some point the rest of the play group would start praying and paying tribute to Suavo, hoping to appease him so our rolls would not go south.

To this day I still spread the word of Suavo, calling upon him for timely bad rolls and waving my hand like a jedi over my foes dice. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. Suavo is a fickle god, and he does not dole out his power whimsically

More Then Meets My Expectations

2011-02-23T08:59:00.000-06:00

So here is something I like talking about that is not TOO politically heavy handed. That Big McLarge Huge sporting event that happened a few weeks back is also known as commercial cental, you remember that? Yeah I did not care much about it either, mostly cause the Kansas City Chiefs, nor the New York Jets were involved. I know how to pick teams don’t I? but one commercial played and I caught it on apple’s movie trailers after the game.

God Damn you Michael Bay! God Damn you!

Now I fit into a very small niche of Transformers fans. I am not in the “if it is transformers it is good” category, but neither am I in the “Purist” line of thought either. Much like my post partisan pragmatists political affiliation, I take each category of this beloved franchise in turn, and I examine it on its own merits.

The First Transformers film released in 2007 actually impressed me. I thought the character designs were a wonderful way to make the idea of robots that could turn into cares functionally work. The plot was thin no doubt, but nowhere NEAR as thin as the cartoon from the 1980s, and the set pieces were enjoyable. My main complaint was the lack of character development with the Decepticon characters.

The 2009 sequel was an unmitigated disaster. May people have their own ideas as to why, and I want to share my own. The writer’s strike of 2008 happened a few months before principle photography was scheduled to start. This meant that a Shooting Script was never developed, and rumor has it that a full final screenplay was sitting unfinished on Orici and Kruzman’s desk. As the strike carried on Michael Bay (director) and Steven Speilberg (Producer) had a tough decision to make, do we wait out the strike, lose a crap ton of funding or get our funding pulled, and delay shooting? Or do we try to work with what we have. Bay Elected to work with what he had, which mean shooting Revenge of the Fallen with what is called a Film Treatment.

For those that don’t know, a Film Treatment is a piece of prose, often in a short story form, that provides a basic outline of a films plot. For a good example of a Film Treatment I recommend picking up the special edition of “The Terminator” which has its full treatment as a special feature. At 44 pages it tells the story of the film, but you can pick apart what was discarded, what was altered, and what was enhanced.

This led to Revenge of the Fallen being CLOSE to the original vision of the film, but every fan could see where things fell apart. There was a “wait what?” moment within the movie where it all broke down. For me it was around the time Optimus prime got killed and the ever infamous twins escorted Bumblebee and Shia Lebouf across the globe. At that point what was actually a pretty decent action flick degenerated into a bad episode of Beavis and Butt-head.

So now we have this third movie, and again it is sold to me. I will be there, in the front of the line, waiting for my seat on opening day. It is the same thing as why G.I.JOE, and the Marvel Pantheon are so close to my heart. Basically people my age, the 30 year olds, are grown up and want their childhood back. Maybe it is some mid life precursor or something. Will we have a better movie? Well I am of the mind it can not get much worse, and at least the 30 second spot at the Daytona 500 looks promising.

Wow, I am late on this....

2011-02-15T14:31:00.001-06:00

It took me a while to write this last entry on Ninja Gaiden, and Metroid. That was mostly because the two games were hard as hell, to the point of me NEVER in my life finishing them (unlike all the other previous entries.) And each shared so many aspects with the previous NES classics that I ran out of things to talk about. So I finally decided to consolidate the two and discuss highlights of each.

Ninja Gaiden was side scrolling beat em up. Its notorious difficulty was born from having to beat not only bad guys and bosses, but also the map and the timer. Precision jumps were the key, and coupled with the Castlevania “flinch” if you were off or got touched by an enemy, you were tossed backwards.

Ninja Gaiden was unique in the NES days for having cinematic story telling, with crudely animated cut scenes between major acts of the game. Taken for granted today, where such events are not only common but often rendered in the games engine, these comic book style graphics were a progressive leap forward, and possibly the first of its kind.

Musically the game was nothing special, and graphically it was hit or miss. While the backgrounds were rendered in stunning detail, you often looked at foes that were more a jumbled mess of pixels then anything else.

in the modern Era Ninja Gaiden has retained its nigh impossible difficulty, and romps through the demon world are little more literal then cult like. the problem is that modern games in the series are pretty forgettable, particularly since the developer at Namco "Team Ninja" seems to have a VERY unhealthy fascination with breasts.

Metroid was another beast. Where as Zelda had you explore what seemed like a large and expansive world, Metroid downsized it to a large alien base. Game play focused on exploration above EVERYTHING else, with power ups scattered far and wide, and your list of objectives was quite narrow.

1) Destroy the two bosses
2) After 1) destroy the bases main computer

Simple until you realized that you started off with none of the tools needed to do that task, and you had all of THIS to contend with. These aliens were not fucking around were they?

It is amazing in Metroid to see that the titular creature usually does not show up in it’s own game till the end. Much like the legend of Zelda before it, I assumed the main character you played was named Metroid, rather then the space jellyfish that the franchise centers around.

The Metroid franchise however is known for more then dungeon crawls, and exploration through upgrades. It can be argued that the Metroid series was the first video game series to have a female protagonist. Furthermore, the nature of Samaus Aran’s appearance belies and refutes any chance to sexualize her as a woman, providing a strong female (though I argue not feminine) character. For that, Metroid will always be remembered while Ninja Gaiden will be tossed aside in the Jiggle Physics bin.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-03T11:00:00.001-06:00

Well yet again I want to wish everyone a happy New Year! 2010 was odd for me, a collection of good bad an ugly. Lap 28 is about to finish up for me personally and have I had one hell of a year. Enjoy my list of best and worst

Best Video Game that I expected to be good: Halo Reach. Yes toss be in with the cult of the Master Chief. The series has its many detractors, but I have always found the mix of music, story, and rock solid mechanics to be compelling. And Halo, unlike other multiplayer games online, is fun for me. Bungies Swan song is an A +. I can leave the franchise behind here if I need to, especially since Microsoft is planning on milking it on their own.

Best “Where the hell did you come from” Video Game: Darksiders. In an era where hyper realist gameplay and first person shooters reign supreme, here was a dungeon crawler in the vein of Legend of Zelda I just could not put down. The Colors were magnificent (the only brown was in a dessert), the artwork looked almost Todd McFarlane, and the story is great for those of us who dig Biblical mythology as mythology.

Best Movie: Iron Man 2. This film was what a sequel should be. The producers and director took what they had and improved it modestly, rather then trying to go over the damn top. The jury is still out on Tron Legacy and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is half a film (BUT A DAMN GOOD HALF A FILM) meanwhile I have yet to see a lot of the oscar contenders I wanted to see.

Best Television Series: This year it was How I Met Your Mother. I am looking at this show going “I see my college life in this!”

Best New Song: the Geek and Gamer Girls song, by Team Unicorn.

Best New Person: Carrie. Sometimes people just bump into each other and a strong friendship forms, go figure.

Best Old Friend: Pamela. Hey, weren’t you on my “worst” list last year? Shows how people can make up despite some pretty heavy disputes.

Best “what the hell am I doing moment”: Taking some corny ass fan fics with my buddy Chris and I, and saying “lets make our OWN Battletech sourcebook out of this!”

Best new hobby: Lighting a stick on fire and twirling it around.

Best excuse to have a beer: “you just finished your beer!”

Best Nerd Moment: Playing Dungeons and Dragons, and my wife pulls a spell from her characters list. The DM characterizes the spell as Black pool surrounding an area, and tentacles coming up to crush the dragonmen, and we all start making it sound more like Henai then D&D!

Best “this will be regretted later”: finally getting a tattoo. It’s A Steiner fist to represent my son.

Worst Video Game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. finally got it on gamefly 2 months after Call of Duty Black Ops came out. Expect a future Arbitration on this, but the short of it is I am getting tired of competitive multiplayer engines.

Worst Movie: Wolfman. I seriously did not emote with the character at all, like I would expect in modern film remakes.

Worst Television Series: South Park, seriously it is getting to the point where only one or two episodes a year are memorable, and the rest is just gags on the news.

Worst New Song: the “Roommate Song” by Brentalfloss

Worst New Person: Sarah. Girl you broke my best friend’s heart, all cause you are refusing to deal with your shit.

Worst old Friend: sadly I can not name anyone without being guilty of something myself. So I will instead apologize to everyone who thought I was a total fuck-tard this past year.

Worst “what the hell am I doing moment”: trying to drive strait through to Indianapolis from Kansas City in the wee hours, we had to get a motel overnight at Pon Du Hoc Indiana.

Worst New Hobby: making resin recasts of miniatures.

Worst Excuse to Have a Beer: seeing your mother, much as she drives you crazy, in a medically induced coma

Worse Nerd Moment: Watching Transformers Prime, and realizing that Peter Cullen and Frank Welker really are not that good at Optimus Prime and Megatron…

Worst “this will be regretted later.” Agreeing to take all of my grandfathers unopened model airplanes. While my wife may be doing the leg-work on selling them, it has been slow.

And for a third part of this “things in 2011 I am looking forward to

Video game for 2011: Duke Nukem Forever. I have not said that in 10 years. The game that time forgot apparently will be out around my birthday. It better cure cancer after the 12 year wait.

Movie for 2011: Conan. “Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet."

Television: for Piers Morgan to be able to overcome the “He is not Larry King” wall he faces.

Event: As always Gencon 2011

Concert: I really want to see Godsmack on stage again

News Event: Der Pope to keel over and lets get someone less Euro-Centric in the papacy

Comedy- Furry Comic, and cool entertainer 2 The Ranting Gryphon to continue his mainstream rise and get a Comedy Central Half hour.

Books- I just want to be impressed by a writer again.

What is a Man?

2010-12-29T11:22:00.001-06:00

Castlevania was one of those Nintendo games that while popular at least in my social circle, I never owned myself. My first encounter came with going to my cousins house and she popped in a game, saying it was about Dracula. My mind crept to Christopher Lee, who was the popular Dracula at the time, and old school horror movies of the Universal and Hammer Vintage.

And then she hit start, and I beheld a man with a whip, and one of the most awesome video game musical scores I EVER HEARD.

The three Castlevania games on the Super Nintendo were not a massive revolution. Their scope only seemed more epic then Mario Brothers or many of the one word Nintendo titles like Karate or Golf because of the sheer variety of levels. Castlevania succeeded because it created an atmosphere. You as a lone man going through a castle and taking on every mythical creature and classic monster you could possible think of, and even Death himself all to destroy Count Dracula. This game was literally every kid’s fantasy if they were fascinated by horror and monster movies.

The plot of the series is centered right on stokers Dracula mythos, taking place primarily between the 11th and 18th centuries. Mathaias Cronqvist, who assumes the name of Dracula, is a vampire and count of Wallachia. Because of his vampiric nature he is a natural enemy of the Belmont clan of vampire hunters. In the first game (in terms of production) Simon Belmont, follows in his grandfather’s foot steps to ONCE AGAIN suppress a resurgent Dracula.

Resurgence and suppression is the main theme. It is acknowledged that Vamparisim, particularly Dracula’s Curse, can not ever be truly destroyed, merely battled. Throughout the series many characters that may be allies in one game are manipulated into foes in the next, creating on ongoing cycle of valor, betrayal, and redemption. Most of this is explored in latter games with more sophisticated platforms and the ability to better explore narrative.

As awesome as the setting was and a wonderful challenge to conquer, Castlevania was one of those games that defined “Nintendo Hard.” Aside from managing the maze of bullets and bad guys you had the three fatal flaws in the game to contend with.

The first flaw was that if your character got hit, at all, by anything, he would be propelled back a good four tiles. This can sometimes lead to you being able to clear a gap you would have trouble jumping, but most of the time it shoved you into a bottomless pit, or more bad guys.

Fatal flaw number 2 is that when your character had to climb stairs, he is fundamentally defenseless. Later games allowed you to attack on stars, which helped a bit, but when you are climbing a staircase between twin columns of fire breathing dragon skulls, expletives will leave your mouth.

The final flaw is the inability to control your jumps. When you are stark still, you jump strait up, and when you are moving forward, you jump forward a set distance. You can not short change your jumps, or perform any course corrections in mid air. And while games receive high praise for realism these days, on the NES THAT level of realism is a handicap.

Over the years Castlevania has produced over 30 games on over a dozen platforms, making it perhaps the most wide spread of the Nintendo 8. These days most Castlevania games have abandoned the linear progression in favor of a more exploratory format. 8 bit chip tunes have passed in favor of orchestral scores. But the core of the series remains the same. The twilight always comes, Dracula’s Curse lives on, and children of the night will dance once more in the woods of Romania.

Hope you all have a wonderful new year, it will be 2011 when we come back to take a look at memories of one of the most loved, yet hated, Nintendo turned gaming franchises, Ninja Gaiden!

Sorry to keep you waiting!

2010-12-17T09:31:00.002-06:00

In an age where franchises in all popular media are being turned through the meat grinder for any last ounce of profit they can generate, one kid had been left behind. Kid Icarus was a gem of a game that was largely left behind in the great Nintendo boom of the 1980s and early 90s. It was known largely for its unforgiving difficulty, unique story and setting and quality music.

The story takes its roots in a hybrid of Greek mythology and Christian demonology. You play as an angel named Pit; whose “Land of Good” was invaded by an army of monsters from the “Land of Evil.” I shit you not, the plot is that much of a trope. So you as a surviving angel are given a bow by the gods and told “go forth and conquer.”

Graphically the game was built on the same “guts” as fellow cult classic Metroid. You can tell with the jump physics, and even the patterns that some on screen enemies move. Musically it had a style all its own though. Hirokazu "Hip" Tanaka provided four six tracks (massive for the NES) that gave an ambiance any Dungeons and Dragons player would love for their own games. Not nearly as up beat as Mario’s over world theme, nor as depressing as Zelda’s Dungeon music, Kid Icarus Soundtrack managed to capture a sense of epic adventure and wonder.

In terms of game play, Kid Icarus was a platformer that managed to work out two sub genres in one game. The first sub genre was typical platforming, with the twist of stages being largely vertical since the goal is to “retake heaven.” The second type of plat forming genre is the dungeon crawl, where three levels are set up in a castle like area.

The game was mind blowingly difficult though. You started bare bones in the game, with next to no health, and a weapon with no power and range. The vertical nature of the game meant falls off the screen were lethal and enemies could hurt you in was you did not expect.

Most famous of these said enemies was the so called “egg plant wizard” a purple one eyed magician who instead of damaging you transformed you into a walking eggplant, preventing you from attacking or using any of the items you collected along with way until you were uncursed.

Kid Icarus was praised critically for the past 25 years, despite only having one sequel on the Game Boy console. Released in 1991 “Of Myths and Monsters” was largely a port of the classic game, with a minimally enhanced story and few additions.

The classic Nintendo game reach something of a cult item, retaining a certain popularity. Four Nintendo consoles passed up the opportunity for a full blown new game however, with only the Wii paying homage to the character in the crossover orgasm Super Smash Brothers Brawl.

It was not until the 2010 E3 this past year when Reggie Fils-Amie was pimping Nintendo’s latest handheld and showed us a very special trailer.

Video Games | Kid Icarus: Uprising | E3 2010: Debut Trailer

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

Sorry to keep us waiting indeed. Whatever took you so long Pit, We are just glad to have you back.

Next time we will return to the original schedule and I will talk Castlevania.

TwouptwodownleftrightleftrightBA

2010-12-10T11:09:00.002-06:00

Contra was not exactly a compelling game. The plot, like most in the NES series was a single four sentence paragraph that really served as a meager justification as to WHY you pumped quarters into the arcade machine. Your in game avatar was a silly knock off of the shirtless John Rambo, complete with a little bandanna, and you ran to the left and shot up billions of dollars of military hardware in the jungle. The game stayed that way until the very last level, which then made it look like the game should have been an “Aliens” arcade game.

Contra was a game for the Nintendo that characterized several things that are important for gaming as a whole. It clearly demonstrated that tight mechanics are important to narrative, and that a shallow game experience can be made up for by extreme difficulty.

Contra also reflected a fundamental misunderstanding of early video game producers. The limited lives and continues of early NES titles were brought to simulate the effect of being in a real arcade operating an actual cabinet. Lath meant limiting lives, something many video games continue to do this day, but also limiting the number of “continues” fabrication to represent limited pocket change. This created a whole slew of Nintendo game that demanded exceptional skill on part of the players to even finish.

Konami got around this with one simple keystroke combination though that spread like wildfire. The button pattern Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right B,A, entered before you started the game gave you 30 lives in the game, including after continues.

This key combination spread like wildfire in the 1980s, quite remarkable considering that the internet as we knew it was in it’s infancy. Word of mouth was powerful though, and it inspired game producers to include other so called “cheat codes” into games, or sometimes even allow players to enter a “debug” mode allowing you to fully customize your game experience.

Wow, I really did not have much to say about this game after all. Enjoy this music video then.

next time I will talk about the most under appreciated NES game, Kid Icarus

I'm Blue... and Cyan...

2010-12-03T10:31:00.001-06:00

In my NES retrospective I am compelled to move beyond the realm of Nintendo owned characters, and into the world of licensed properties. Mega Man (Rock Man in Japan) has spent the better part of his 25 years of existence dominating my gaming life. Living in an implied near future (constantly referencing 20XX) the world the game takes place in seems to be a mysterious blend of Issac Assimov and Harry Houdini’s wettest of dreams.

6 NES games, 1 SNES, 1 Playstation, and two throwback style games for download on your console of choice, and the entire plot is the same. Dr. Albert Wiley, a mentally unstable computer scientist specializing in Artificial Intelligence, in an effort to get revenge for his perceived ostracizing by college Dr. Thomas Light builds (or in a few cases steals) robots to engage in terrorist actions around the world.

The Core Mechanics of Mega Man are nothing special. Solid Platforming around obstacles and bad guys is a must. The ability to blow the hell out of what’s in your way is important as well. But Megaman offered two unique mechanics that let it stand out.

The first is that you hyad the ability to choose the order of the levels you went through. A relatively simple mechanic that blows away the concept of levels simply getting “harder” as time went on, instead level design had to pose unique challenges.

The other mechanic was that every time you beat a level, you got to use the master of that levels weaponry. weather it was an explosive, Flame thrower, or even bladed boomerangs, whatever weapons you picked up also served as tools to assist you in getting through other levels as time went on, until you reach Wiley himself, and had to use all the tools at your disposal to even GET to him.

In my adulthood I realize the game was far from perfect. Plot-wise, as I said before it can be summed up in the same old

“Dr. Wiley is on the loose again.”

While certainly not the first, nor the last to have a plot point repeat to the point of silly I really wish Capcom has stuck to their guns. In the 4th game of the series a whole new character was introduced in Dr. Cassock, and then in the middle of the game they backed out and revealed it was Dr. Wiley blackmailing Cassock. In the 6th Game a Mr. X (creative right?) who stole robots from a competition was also reviled to be Dr. Wiley in disguise.

What would be so wrong with having a NEW villain… Seriously? Each time it Might have breathed some fresh life into a stagnant plot, and it DID till you screwed it up! but it does not end there.

Finally in the often derided second game, our protagonist finally had enough and was ready to vaporize this clichéd villan. Here a Robot with a sense of justice finally had himself pushed to far, where he overrides his own programming for the sake of a perceived greater whole. When it is pointed out that he as a robot is programmed never to cause a human harm he replies

“I HAVE BECOME MORE THEN A ROBOT!” the only thing that keeps him from firing though is not pity, but self preservation, as the building they are in is about to collapse.

COME ON! we were about to explore self actualization of an AI CAPCOM! And you BLEW IT!

Mega Man still has a huge following after all this time. To the point of Bands like the Megas dedicated to making music based off the games, plenty of artwork and ROM-Hacks out there as well.

What is most fascinating is that Eddie LeBron, an independent film maker, actually created a film, about an hour and a half long, based on the Mega Man Franchise. I got to be honest, it’s not Oscar quality, but it certainly has Lifetime Movie Quality script, even if the effects and costumes are…. UPN quality.

Then again this is big budget action on no budget.

The series is worthy of a checkout if your not familiar. You can find a compilation of the first 8 games on the Playstation 2, as well as the Mega Man X Series (which I consider separate)

You can also get the classic Nintendo games at vintage stores, but the price tag tends to hover around 20 dollars, if you pick ONE up, make sure it is Mega Man 2 or 3 often held as the gold standards of the series.

It's Dangerous to Go Alone... Take This.

2010-11-22T12:58:00.005-06:00

If Mario is the King of Nintendo, Zelda is most assuredly the queen. Everything about the original Legend of Zelda game made it stand out from the rest of the Nintendo Library. From its metallic gold cart to its overall play style to the little lithium ion battery that allowed you to save a game directly on the cart, as opposed to a password system, Without the Legend of Zelda, video games as we know it would not exist.

In 1986 Shigeru Miyamoto fresh off the success of Mario Brothers, created another world. Named after the wife of F. Scott Fitzgerald, the Legend of Zelda tells the tale of a Boy named Link, off to save a Princess named Zelda, from a Wizard named Gannon, who has taken the form of a Pig King. Creative right? Eventually there would be whole mythologies devoted to a Triple goddess, and sages and blah blah, but for now, the Triforce you had to find and build was nothing more then a huge MacGuffin.

Rather then giving us single levels like most games, where we were moved in one direction towards a goal, we were dumped in the middle of a mystical land. We That very first screen had three roads and a small cave in front of us. In that cave, if you did not miss it at first. was an old man and a rusty sword.

“It’s Dangerous to go alone… Take this”

It was like tossing a toddler in a poll and telling it to swim. Nothing had ever existed like it. You had to explore the world to find your goal. Each dungeon you went into had a new device to help you explore further, to the point where once your realized you could bomb walls and burn bushes, you would do that on every single tile of the game possible to find everything.

And you were doing it to some bitching music! Again Koji Kondo brought us a fantastic chip tune. On the over world you were treated to a track that sang to the epic nature of your quest, in the dungeons a dark brooding tune reminded you constantly of the danger you faced.

Yet you were not some sword swinging Conan the Barbarian. Often times you had to think through the game, figuring out that you could only kill the Dinosaurs by “feeding” them bombs, or that the hungry but passive monster blocking your path could be fed meat to go away. Puzzles would be as simple as step on that switch, to playing with beams of light to reveal a ghost.

Music was also an important tool, able to transport you instantly across the entire game world as early as the first game. Others had musical instruments as plot points, or as tools to allow you to change time, the weather, or even act as a key to unlock certain doors.

But there is a lot of controversy about this tale of a boy, a girl, and a man… who is sometimes also a pig. You see the Legend of Zelda spans almost 20 games. But to an audience to crave continuity, this franchise has been hard to pin down. Nintendo has taken the aspect of “Legend” to it’s furthest conclusion, and despite a handful of direct (Zelda II, Majora’s Mask), and sometimes indirect sequels (Spirit Tracks) there seems to be little continuity between the games.

Timeline arguments always focus on the 1998 released Ocarina of Time, argued to be the earliest point in the timeline, and its direct use of Time Travel. So dedicated are some fans to the story of the Boy, the Girl, and the Man… who is sometimes also a pig, that wide ranging debates always result in a stalemate. As for me, I tend to focus on the “Legend” aspect of the series title. Tolkein got it wrong as far as I am concerned. The best stories are not the ones that never end, they are told over and over again, eventually gaining new aspects and loosing old ones.

Anyway, that’s it for that retrospective, next time we will discuss my personal favorite of the 8 bit pantheon… Mega Man.

MARIO! BUSTED UP THE PIPE! YOUR SAVIOR HAS ARRIVED!

2010-11-12T10:56:00.002-06:00

What can be said about Super Mario Brothers, that has not already been said. Shigeru Miyamoto could largely be considered a genius when he made this game, because his focus was for the player to complete a story, rather then just get a high score.

One of the more amazing facts about Mario is the design of the character. By now we all know about the blue overalls, white gloves, cap and mustache. What few know was that Mario’s Getup was deliberately designed to avoid having to draw poorly rendered 8 bit characters. The hat hid hair, the ‘stache hid the face, and the contrasting overalls and shirt were to give the character a less monotone body.

Mario at the same time developed what became the most basic instructions for all video games to come, at least until plot driven narrative and X Box Live took over. This was namely the two cardinal rules of Nintendo.

1) MOVE CORRECTLY!
2) DO NOT DIE!

Two rules that can be found in EVERY video game, sure you can fight back by jumping or shooting, or you can hide, but fundamentally every video game from Mario to Modern Warfare 2 has this base assertion behind its controller.

Mario was also one of the pioneers in the video game music genre. Coming in a 3 minutes and 45 seconds, the ever infamous “ground theme” can usually be identified in the first second or so of play. Koji Kondo was a genius for making such a melody, particularly given the technical limitations of chip tunes in the day. These days composers working on video games have whole orchestra’s to work with, and high tech mixing tools. And while Halo and Metal Gear can claim some kick ass soundtracks, there would not have been those greats without Kondo’s work.

In my adult life it strikes me how much people try to interpret from the Mario franchise. Druggies want to see Poppies, shrooms and cannabis in Marios Power-ups. Freudians see the relationship of Mario, Peach and Bowser as the Id, Ego and Super Ego, figure that one out for yourself. And there is also a strange relationship with cake in there.

All that said, Mario is arguably the best selling video game franchise ever, with hundreds of games across 200 platforms. He was the gateway to many adventures for children, and we all owe him a debt of gratitude for opening a world from us?

Next time we will look at The Legend of Zelda

Trippy goo!

2010-11-12T10:52:00.000-06:00

Why is it when you get an actual cook book you never use it, but when you get cooking software, suddenly the kitchen is your empire?

*WARNING GENERALIZATION AHEAD*
Why is it that when a woman finds her mans porn collection, she is shocked, appalled, and offended... yet when a man find his woman "I love me" drawer or chest he calls her and asks for a demonstration?
*Generalization ended*

So a Black guy, a woman from San Fransico, and a Mormon are in charge of a country. God Bless America.

Friends help you move, true friends help you move bodies

Beer is in fact beer, and beer is good.

what if the Illuminati and the military industrial complex is nothing more then a n apathetic 90 year old former communist named Bob who is snickering at the crazy ideas "free minded" people have about him.

Aslain is Jesus

I can create a well reasoned legal argument to get out of any crime by saying that I did not have any involvement in the movie "Batman and Robin"

Keep watching the 17 year old in the black trench coat, it will distract you from the big scary guy with the machete

Nintendo's SIlver year

2010-11-11T09:07:00.000-06:00

Nintendo turned 25 this, year. Weird huh, especially considering I am 27. I still have vivid memories of playing Mario in Kindergarten, with classmates and realizing just how unskilled I was at certain games, and a god among men at others.

Being retrospective about the old NES brought be to purchase a Nintendclone later in life, and I am working on getting all the Staples for it. It is often debated as to what are considered the “essential properties” that made the Nintendo Entertainment System a huge American phenomenon. Should they be only Nintendo produced titles, or do we allow third party developers? How do franchises come into play? Should they have appeared ONLY on the NES, and not other platforms, including arcades?

For me, I have a very liberal interpretation, and it is based on what was popular with the kids when I was growing up. For me, if I had to boil down my experiences with the NES into a selection of classic games they would be

1) Super Mario Brothers
2) The Legend of Zelda
3) Mega Man
4) Contra
5) Castlevania
6) Ninja Gaiden
7) Metroid
8) Kid Icarus

These where the games that, if one kid had all of them they were the coolest on the block. And off and on for a while I plan on sharing a little retrospective on each of them, so look back every so often between now and Christmas.

The Clarion Call

2010-10-19T09:46:00.001-05:00

Let me make something perfectly clear. With a few recent exceptions, including sadly my upcoming pre-ordered purchase of Fallout New Vegas, I do not purchase games from GameStop. It just does not happen; I tended to favor Best Buy or Target until I found the joy of a more regional place called Vintage Stock. I chose not to buy from Gamestop because of a very specific incident that happened when I was trying to find a copy of Ace Combat 6.

I walked up to the counter and said “Hi, I noticed this game was not on the shelves, but it came out last week, do you have it?”

“Did you pre-order it?”

“No.”

“Well we don’t have it unless you pre-ordered it”

“Okay, I will check Target across the street.

“They don’t have it either.”

Ten minutes later I walked out of Target with my copy of Ace Combat 6 that they supposedly did not have. A year later I had a similar incident with Assassin’s Creed, in which I was told a best buy down the street did not have any copies of the game, and low and behold in the middle of an aisle was a CRATE full of Assassin’s Creed games. I still have the picture on my cell phone, and I showed it to the kid behind the counter who told me best buy did not have it.

So I made the conscious decision to get my game fix elsewhere, to exercise my power of the purse to reject GameStop business model, which fundamentally resembles a Pawn Shop more then a retailer.

This morning however I saw a video on one of my favorite gaming websites www.ScrewAttack.com my personal favorite feature there, The Game Overthinker posted a new video where he called upon gamers to do what I as a Gamer have chosen to do for years now and purchase games elsewhere. There really is no point in summing it up when I can just have you watch it here.

I want to take this call to action a step further though. I want to point out a few stories where I was suckered into a Gamestop Pre-Order that I really should not have been.

In the Case of Transformers War for Cybertron, I preordered From Gamestop, as opposed to Wal-Mart or Target for a specific Downloadable content character called Shockwave. Transformers Fans know what I speak of there. And I was happy and hunky dory, even though I felt dirty for giving GameStop money. Then what happens? DLC was made available to all that included the Shockwave character, as well as all the other Pre-Order Characters from other stores. I felt like the biggest jackass of all.
Another time I pre-ordered Halo Wars, and I got the phone call saying it was available Tuesday at midnight. I got the phone call Tuesday at 6 PM, so I thought “hmmm that was strange.” When I went to get my game I was told it would not be available for another six hours. When I brought up that was Wednesday at midnight and the message said Tuesday at midnight, all I got was “you must be the only one in the world that thinks that way.”

Obviously not, since that is how time works you jackass.

The Hardest truth of all is that I am not the only one. If I was one voice crying out into the night, that one whiney little bitch who had no real complaint, I could accept that and brood. But the internet is littered with GameStop Haters, many of them former employees. That there are so many Gamers out there that do despise this conglomerate for what it has done to gaming as a hobby speaks volumes to the company’s character.

So I answer the Game Overthinkers Clarion Call, and I ask you to as well. Take that mightiest of weapons you have, your wallet, and when it comes time to purchase a new game, go somewhere else first.

Banned Book Week

2010-09-28T13:32:00.001-05:00

Happy Banned Book Week!

Yes for decades, nay nearly a century, there have been some books that have offended people so, that said people have gone out of their way not just to exercise their own power of the free market, but have forced their will upon the public by rallying for several works of fiction and non fiction to be banned at publicly owned libraries.

From Authors as celebrated as Mark Twain, to Recent Geniuses like J.K. Rowling, a minority in the United States, Nay, the entire world have sought to destroy or ban the exercise of intellectual freedom by subverting human expression in one of its most basic forms.

I choose however not to rally a call to prevent such censorship. Not because I believe that some books ought to be banned. Quite the contrary, I find all books to be as sacred as some find the Bible, or the Quran to be. It matters not if it is as whimsical as “The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby.” That Mein Kampf came from such an evil soul is irrelevant. It does not even matter if it is as bad as Twilight. The fact is that the written word is the gateway to a person’s soul, and we are allowed through books to view into the souls of others. Nothing can be more divine then that.

So rather then wording my own call, I choose instead to invoke John Milton, from his speech to Parliament Areopagitica

“Books are not absolutely dead things, but do contain a potency of life in them to be as active as that soul was whose progeny they are; nay, they do preserve as in a vial the purest efficacy and extraction of that living intellect that bred them. I know they are as lively, and as vigorously productive, as those fabulous dragon's teeth; and being sown up and down, may chance to spring up armed men. And yet, on the other hand, unless wariness be used, as good almost kill a man as kill a good book. Who kills a man kills a reasonable creature, God's image; but he who destroys a good book, kills reason itself, kills the image of God, as it were in the eye. Many a man lives a burden to the earth; but a good book is the precious life-blood of a master spirit, embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life.”

Damn, dude that is heavy stuff.

To celebrate banned book week, go out and find these books, and read a couple of them.

Not Republican Enough

2010-09-23T10:19:00.000-05:00

In 2002 I signed up for the Young Republicans in order to get a free T Shirt. I was never bothered by them again. Well a few days ago I got a call on my cell phone being invited to a small event in Columbia so I could speak to a small Young Republicans Panel as a “Approaching 30” guy who apparently was a “long standing member” of the organization. Despite being confused, I graciously accepted.

When I asked about what Items I wanted to speak about I said that I wanted to talk about a return to fiscal conservatism. I also spoke about a serious opposition to gun control, something I am not passionate about, but do tend to fall on the Republican side of.

This got the caller really excited.

Then I said I also wanted to talk about things that Republicans need to change, social issues that are either unimportant, inevitably going to move a certain direction, or are not the venue of legislation to solve.

This got the caller nervous.

I spoke of the need to step back from LGBT marital rights for example, as time and history are on the side of that issue. I spoke about how Television, Film, and Electronic entertainment need to be continuously advocated for to ensure first amendment protection.

This agitated the caller

I then talked about how if Republicans want any credibility on Abortion rights; they need to surrender other sexual rights issues. Those issues, like access to birth control and sexual education need to be handled in a more comprehensive and scientific way then smacking kids upside the head and saying “don’t have sex.

The caller summarily dis invited me, stating that I have swayed to far away from Republican Party issues to be of any use to them.

They can fuck off.

Park 51 Part 1

2010-08-16T15:42:00.000-05:00

You know there is a reason I do not talk about political issues on this blog too often. It is not that I fear pissing off people, hell I make a career out of that. No the reason why is that I am a firm believer that every political opinion that every different person on the planet possesses is wrong, my own included. I fully expect 10,000 years from now humanity will look back at the differences in opinion between George Bush and Barack Obama and condemn them both to the trash heap of stupid bullshit along with their forty-one predecessors.

But once in a while a gem comes alone, a diamond of opportunity where I get to step forth and do what I do best, and that is arbitrate the differences in opinion between two or three groups of people who are making complete jackasses of themselves over what will eventually become insignificant bullshit.

There is trouble brewing in New York City, I would say quietly brewing but that would be a fucking lie. This trouble surrounds a building at 45-51 Park Place in lower Manhattan. For those unfamiliar with the New York area, two of the largest commercial buildings in the United States of America stood not two blocks from that region, until they were brought down when 19 Saudis decided to take flying lesions in the middle of their transoceanic flights.

That’s right kids, it is time to talk about the so called “Ground Zero Mosque.” Now I don’t know what is more frightening, that in a recent poll 11% of Americans thought that the building of this mosque violated the 1st Amendment of the Constitution; or that Imam Abdul Rauf seems to be so callous towards the will of the public, the safety of the contractors that will build this center. And the people who will use it that he continues to press the entire thing forward.

So where does the Arbiter stand on this you wonder? Simply put EVERYONE IS WRONG! Opponents of the mosque are wrong, proponents are wrong, the media is wrong, and the politicians who speak out for or against it is wrong. This ENTIRE travesty is about as wrong as a man covered in paper cuts being in the middle of a circle jerk at an AIDS clinic. And sadly it is up to me to break this down for the rest of you folks so you can calm the fuck down!

For the people who oppose the building of this “Ground Zero Mosque,” I have nothing but sympathy for your base argument, I really do. This is hard for many because 19 nut-jobs killed 3000 people in the name of a faith that this new building caters too. It FEELS wrong. I emphasize FEELS wrong because while that feeling maybe there, and it maybe strong, there is not one thing illegal about it. I am thankful that the level headed folks are clinging solely to the fact that their emotional malfeasance towards the building of this Mosque is centered on that.

What makes me ashamed are the fuckwits who go around clinging to silly one liners from the Qur’an trying to prove that it is all part of a greater “muslim conspiracy” to plant some kind of victory flag over the world trade center and wave a big ass middle finger to the United States of America and its citizens. This whole incident has raised a massive wave of xenophobia where people are openly declaring Muslims born and raised in places like New York, Detroit, Denver, Los Angeles, Las Vega, Kansas City, and Orlando as not American Citizens. I wish I could say that this was unique in our history but it isn’t. one only need to look back seventy years ago to the long term imprisonment of American Citizens of Japanese descent after World War Two to show that when we suffer a major blow to morale, the American people will go after anyone who remotely LOOKS like the kind of people who did us harm, despite them having nothing to do with it. It kind of makes it hard to hold a moral authority over the holocaust when we did something pretty similar back home, and yet for some reason we still pull it off!

And then there are the people with thin ass legal challenges. First they were trying to make the original building a historic site, then there were zoning restrictions, and the list goes on. Concerned citizens trying to catch a group on technicalities of building stuff that any responsible and intelligent build would have cleared with the City of New York BEFORE even grabbing a drafting pen.

Here are the facts you nitwits, Islam as a religion is just about as united as Christianity is. If you think that is pretty tight knit, I should remind you that there are over 100 different denominations worldwide that claim to call themselves “Christian”, including Mormons, Rastafarians, and people who practice Voodoo. By trying to lump the American citizens who want to build this Mosque where it is going to be built up with the Al-Queada Terrorists is akin to me lumping Baptists with Catholics and saying “all ministers/priests/preachers are child molestors.”

So stop it, sit down and shut the hell up.

No as for Abdual Rauf and his ilk, and yes I address this to you specifically rather then the greater American Muslim community. I think that is reasonable since it is YOUR Islamic Cultural Center. I have one question for you. Are you Gods damned out of your minds? You have received enough negative press about this that were you running for political office your career would be over, and yet the project still persists, as is, no changes, not mediation, no attempts to reach out to the public that by and large, for whatever reason opposes this project.

This is a continuation of forced ignorance on behalf of Muslim community leadership in the United States. It is not just in new york either, but nation wide, where a lot of people seem to believe that the United States of American and it’s citizens has either forgotten about the September 11th attacks, or has forgiven Islam as a whole for its role as a motivating factor therein. While I am not saying it is just, by and large Americans have not, and that includes some Muslims. I have a Muslin coworker who is pissed of at you guys and used the term Fitna to describe what is happening. I had to look it up, and it means “organized mischief making.”

Akbar Ahmed, Ibn Khaldun Chair of Islamic Studies at American University, while noting that blaming all Muslims for 9/11 was "ridiculous", said:
"I don't think the Muslim leadership has fully appreciated the impact of 9/11 on America. They assume Americans have forgotten 9/11 and even, in a profound way, forgiven 9/11, and that has not happened. The wounds remain largely open [...] and when wounds are raw, an episode like constructing a house of worship—even one protected by the Constitution, protected by law—becomes like salt in the wounds". He goes on to say that, in his opinion, if the center is constructed as well as a mosque it should contain a memorial and an ecumenical house of worship.
I do not disregard the legal right for this Islamic Cultural Center to be constructed, I really don’t. You guys have the money, the legal paperwork, the constitutional protection. But that does not change the fact that this is as wise as opening a Planned Parenthood office across the street, and out of the jurisdiction of a Catholic church.

Have you considered in light of the negative flak you have received, working in partnership with Cardinal Timothy Dolan and the United Jewish Federation of New York to create a TRUE interfaith cultural center. In the Park 51 website it is described that the center will contain "a mosque, intended to be run separately from Park 51 but open to and accessible to all members, visitors and our New York community." If a house of worship is a secondary concern to providing a place to workout, provide childcare, etc, then perhaps an interfaith partnership would be the best way to go on this.

The continued progress towards the building of this Islamic Cultural Center is going to be inflammatory, and the persistent hiding behind the law and disengagement from the greater New York community, and fellow Muslim dissenters does nothing to help your cause. The power to perform an action does not mean you SHOULD do that same action.

So that is my take on the people directly involved, next time I am gonna look at those who are not involved, but are not helping the issue. Until then party on.

Christ I would love to know what Marisa thinks of my opinion.

Online Exlusive RPG Content and YOU

2010-07-26T14:53:00.000-05:00

Print is dead. This axiom has been stated going as far back as when the Radio was first introduced to the English by Guglielmo Marconi in the late 19th century. Yet for over a century, despite the advent of Radio, Television, Computers, and Computer networking Print media in its various forms has persisted as a preferred means of delivering information.

That said it is also undeniable that Print may finally be starting to decline. Newspaper and magazine circulation is at an all-time low, with such vaunted publications as national geographic and Readers digest culling their print runs from their bi weekly high, to bi monthly or quarterly. Major publishing houses are staring down the barrel of the Kindle, Nook, and iPad, and having to choose the embrace the technology or become extinct by it. The question is further exasperated with “print on demand” services largely cutting major publishers and editors out of the fiction publishing circle, and largely returning to an era reminiscent of the early days of the printing press where any schmoe could get anything printed so long as they had the money to do it.

Table Top gaming, my preferred passion, and why I come to you today, is stuck somewhere in the middle of this technological evolution. There will always be, at least for the foreseeable future, people who play with miniatures on tabletops. That will take the invention Holo-Deck to make extinct. But most tabletop games that are not “self contained” i.e. anything you need is all in the box with no expansions or customizations, fall under a peculiar conundrum. That is what to do about the vast majority of printed source-books, scenario books, plot line books, and just plain master rule books that are needed for play.

Catalyst Game Labs (my nerd crack dealer of choice) has been experimenting with publication of their rulebooks and other materials in digital form for the better part of five years, through their own website and a company called Drive Thru Rpg. In addition to new publications they have also experimented with products, smaller in nature, that will ONLY be published electronically.

Sales figures do not lie, according to Catalyst officials on their forums, the online exclusive products have been a roaring success. Being a smaller company in the middle of publicized financial issues, that statement is believable. After all, a company like catalyst can not afford to put money into products people are not buying.

That said, on Catalysts forums there is calls from the fan-base to publish these online exclusives in so called Dead Tree Format (.dtf). This brings me to ask two questions of the game play community. The first is why is it important to you to have these products in a hardcopy format published by Catalyst? The Second is if Catalyst does decide to print their electronic exclusive content, either individually or in compellation form, what advantage will those who have purchased the products electronically have? I admit I have my own bias on the entire issue, but that will be addressed as I attempt to answer these two questions.

As to the first question, “Why is it so vital for you to have these products in hardcopy format?” I think first we need to ask a corollary question. “Are you completely opposed to purchasing these products in electronic form at all?” If the answer is yes, that you are opposed to purchasing digital content for X, Y, or Z Reasons, I can not do anything for you. Trying to convince you otherwise would be pissing in the proverbial wind. And I do not need the reason either. If it is because you think online content should be free, have a pathological fear of losing digital content, or just flat don’t own a computer (in which case how are you posting on an internet forum?), I can not help you.

There is content for you game out there you do not have access to, and you feel left out. You fear that these special “whatever” is the equivalent of the “cool kids club”, and you are the one playing with the frog on the curb next to their clubhouse. I get that. Table top gamers are already a far too discriminated against sub culture of humanity. Whether the ignorance of others is do to disinterest, feeling of priority, or religious fear, we just don’t get along by and large with the outside world, so we want to stick together. I think that those who do not wish to or are incapable of downloading these items for pay, may fear being left out of the loop by their gamer friends.

In my humble experience though we as a sub culture are better then that. I have numerous life experiences where some kid I hung out with triumphantly held up a book of awesome he just got, and SHARED it with others. All this is doing is holding up an iPad and printing off pages rather then holding up a book and making photo copies.

Then there is the question of those of us who are not opposed to online content on any sort of principle. The best thing I have to offer is the nostalgia factor of flipping through a book. Again I get that, after all it is easy to not see a digital file as “Real” in any way. This is particularly troublesome for those of us who do not religiously back up our files on a regular basis. (remember kids, First Wednesday of every month is official Back Up Day!)

But these applications are real. Real effort goes into them, and the money you pay provides real support the company you love, be it Wizards, Catalyst, or other game producing companies that experiment in this form of distribution. This is not Vaporware in the Duke Nukem Forever mold. This is real stuff, and by not purchasing it until it meets a production standard you will be satisfied by YOU are missing out. And by purchasing them, you are in fact contributing to your gaming companies revenues, which allows them to produce more product both digitally and in hardcopy form.

Then there is what last thing that upsets me the most about the .dtf mafia that is out there. Hypothetically there are some who are OVERTLY saying they will wait for these products to be released in print form. I already addressed this prior. But I want to talk economic models with you.

If a gaming company takes a series of related digital products, like Battletechs Experimental Technical Readout Series, and prints a hardcopy for release, two things will happen. Other then cost to print, the development on the series of micro products has already been paid for. Thus any paper release of a digital product would be considerably cheaper then its cumulative digital cost. What happens when that sells like hot cakes?

The answer is that the early adopters will feel ripped off, and will hold off from the next big release of digital exclusives. Some might be loyal and buy the print version anyway, but many will not, partly because of product redundancy, but also out of feeling burned.

Because Digital exclusive revenues drop off sharply, what could have been a great constant trickle of game resources comes to a gradual stop, with nothing satiating the fans until the next big book release.

How do you counter this? the first thing is that if digital exclusive content no longer becomes exclusive, then there needs to be an incentive package for those who do buy them online. I am not speaking of something like a free print copy that would be far to expensive for the developers. Certainly a percentage off to print products price would be nice, or some sort of freebie like a years Battlecorps subscription.

Of course the whole issue is going be decided by the people that make this content, and it is a choice they will make based on what they feel the success of printing digital exclusive content will be. I just feel the need to contribute my voice to the greater whole, and hopefully I provided some context for people on both sides of the issue.

Regional arrogance

2010-06-14T14:26:00.000-05:00

I want to talk to you about something that has been bothering me for close to two decades now. And it has reached a turning point with me thanks to something my friend said. Sociologists will tell us that there are two major types of areas human beings live in, broadly defined as Rural and Urban.

Rural communities are defined by large land holds with spares populations, usually dominated by farmland and their adjoined homesteads. Urban communities likewise are surrounded by commercial real estate, and very dense populations, where large homes sit on a single acre. This is all well and good. We have rural sections, and Urban sections of the united states.

What bothers me is this prevailing attitude where entire regions are defined as Rural, or as American English states “country” despite the fact that these regions have well developed urban areas in them. Now don’t get me wrong, Montgomery Alabama is nowhere near as large as New York City, But the city is certainly larger then say… Madera California. Yet by virtue of Montgomery being in Alabama, and Madera being in California, in the United States, one is country, and the other is not and it is not based on population.

I would like to thus call bullshit on the United States of America.

It seems to me that this attitude has it’s origins in the American Civil War, with the us vs. them mentality that the American south has with the rest of the world. The amusing part is that from Kansas on west, who almost had no part in that unfortunate conflict, the group seems to be stuck in the idea of being part of “the north” and thus not “country.” At the very least, regions like Wyoming, Montana, and the Dakotas, arguably the least populous states in the union when compared to Georgia, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Tennessee, barely get recognition from “country folk” elsewhere.

I wish I could say that this behavior was limited to folks in the south, but there are urbanites who have a bit of regional snobbery to them as well. Famed Comedian Andrew Dice Clay once said “if you live between New York and L.A. you’re a fucking farmer!” I went to college with a girl from San Francisco, who was amazed when I took her to Kansas City that there were buildings “taller then five stories!” and multi BILLION dollar business located there. My entire college life I have surprised folks from towns smaller then my home who expect me; because I lived my entire life in the geographical center of the lower 48; to wear cowboy hats, talk with a southern drawl, and listen to nothing but Keith Urban and Garth Brooks.

The people of the United States need to wake up and ditch the damned regional stereo types. I am sorry but if you moved from Kansas City to Montgomery, that does not make you a country gal, and if you want some fresh air, taking a vacation to Kansas City from Las Vegas will only net you moderately less pollution.

Urban Areas are Urban Areas no matter the region, same with Rural, and I think it is high time we address ourselves and our regions as such.

Call of Schmooty

2010-06-11T10:34:00.000-05:00

Call of Duty can kiss me ass. That’s right I said it. I have a thorough dislike of Call of Duty for very logical, and I hope understandable reasons.

Call of Duty is a series of first person shooters that came out in 2003 as a means for a small time company called Infinity ward to cash in on Steven Spielberg’s highly successful “Medal of Honor” series of First person shooters. Both games take place during the Second World War, and while Medal of honor tried to create its own story within the era, Call of Duty tended to simulate pivotal battles, fulfilling historians wishes to be “Private Jimmy in the foxhole.”

All of that is well and good, and Call of Duty 1 and two were fantastic games in their own right, with lots to offer the shooter fan. It was right around the third entry in the franchise that something began to happen to the series that was a microcosm of Shooter gaming in general. What happened?

Xbox Live happened.

Call of Duty 3 was a tipping point in my ability to enjoy the franchise. When it comes to shooters I am more of a single player kind of guy. M I find the realm of on line first person games to be way to competitive for my tastes. Further I can not put on a headset on online gaming without be blasted by kids halfway through puberty calling me racist, sexist, homophobic, or politically charged names. yes I have been called a liberal on Xbox Live.

Does this bother me at all? A little. What do I do about it? I log off and stick to single player. Which brings me back to Call of Duty 3. COD 3 was not a bad single player game per say. Much how I was excited in the previous installment to play as a Russian at Stalingrad, or the Brits in North Africa, in COD 3 I was actually thrilled that you got to be smack dab in the middle of Canada’s vital but often underplayed role in the European Theater of World War II. The same goes for the Polish Army post Blitzkrieg. But the single player campaign, while suitably long, just was not doing it for me. It seemed that despite the 4 playable difficulties it still played like a racer at an arcade. Play on easy or hard.

So I gladly uninstalled COD 3 on my computer and sold it on ebay, got most of my money back and never game the franchise a second thought. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare passed me by without much fanfare, and while I thought the idea was interesting, I felt that all of the assets a modern solider had would make any first person shooter far to easy to play. I am sorry but what is the point of having dark levels AND giving me night vision goggles? Eventually I did pick up modern warfare at a reduced price and gave it a go, and this is where my chief complaint comes in.

I finished the single player campaign of that game in a weekend. I am not talking about a hardcore 12 hours at a time with only 3 hours of sleep a night weekend. I mean I popped it in the Playstation, sat back with an orange juice and some crêpes, and was about 2/3rds of the way done by lunch time. I was teased with what I saw as all sorts of story telling potential and awesome plot points. I mean for fucks sake YOU WITNESS A NUCLEAR DETONATION! But then said nuclear detonation is glossed over and barley talked about again, and you never even see that particular region (playfully dubbed notiraqistan) in the rest of the game. Fuck that noise.

See this brings me to my big point. Online Multiplayer has degraded the ability of Shooters to act as a narrative medium, when they have the potential to be one of the most power storytelling methods in gaming. Instead we have developers focusing on photorealistic graphics, and reflex oriented gameplay mechanics. Guys, those have been taken care of. The gore level is just about perfect in both realistic shooters and in Horror oriented shooters (F.E.A.R. THAT’S A FUN GAME!). We need a little work on the science fiction end though. As great of a story as Halo is, with its music and well tuned mechanics, lets face facts, staining the soil in purple ink is not good for alien gore.

It does seem that the “real war” inspired shooters is reaching a plateau. Because almost everything the allies have ever accomplished in WWII has been done, and no one thinks you can responsibly make a game where you play as the Axis powers, WWII is going by the wayside. Call of Duty is making a shift to the cold war and 21st century eras, The Halo Era is pretty much over, and Medal of Honor is set to become more of a Tom Clancy Oriented special operations genre. Meanwhile a lot of nerds are going to be waiting for the next big thing in science fiction shooting.

Which brings me to Transformers War for Cybertron…. Next time

Getting my groove back

2010-06-09T10:00:00.002-05:00

Nothing to serious right now. I just noticed this. the woman that lead the majority in the South Carolina Republican Primary has been accused of two seperate extra martial affairs. Maybe it is just my natural sexual attraction to mildy older (10 years) women, but I say rock on.

the previous also republican governor of South Carolina admitted to one affair with an Argentinean woman and was shamed out of office.

that means that so far the number of affairs a person can have before being publicly shamed is 3 to 1 in favor of women.

both my wife and I need to never run for political office.

Airline security

2010-03-24T11:10:00.000-05:00

So I travel pretty extensively. In my 27 years of life I have set foot outside of an airport in 38 of the 50 states in my beloved USA, as well as traveled to Canada, Mexico, the Virgin Islands, and been on boats in three oceans. I have family in Alaksa, Arizona, Wyoming, Geogria, Massechussets, California, Colorado, Utah, and Idaho.

I would argue despite my lack of international credentials that I am more well traveled then the average American. And to get around, I usually fly. In my youth I enjoyed the ritual of flying. Sometimes it was a hassle to get up at 5:30 to make a 7 am flight, but it was always a positive experience. At least until 19 crazy Saudis decided to take piloting lesions in the middle of their international flights.

For the past decade now, the experience of air travel has degenerated to an experience that for many people around the world has shifted to a very negative experience. This can be divided firmly into two categories, the first being that Airlines, in their cost cutting measures, are taking away from the service and comfort of their customers. The second is governments, particularly the American government, is intentionally suspending the liberties of Passengers for the sake of the illusion of security, as they respond to the LAST threat that has hit air travel, rather then attempt to be proactive.

There have been two news items that recently have made air travel such a tremendous pain in the ass that I am on the verge of refusing to fly until such restrictions are lifted. The first and most humorous was that actor/director Kevin Smith (known for his View Askew films like Clerks) was kicked off a plane because he was too fat. His girth was unable to fit in a seat according to a flight attendant (which is a misnomer these days, because they really do not do anything). Never mind that Smith, who is a self proclaimed “fat ass” bought two southwest seats cause it was cheaper then flying first class elsewhere. Never mind that he was forced to give up one of those seats so a person on stand bye could make the flight. Because Smith could not fit his waist inside a seat 17.5 inches in width, he was booted and given 100 bucks for his trouble. (Never mind the cost of the two tickets was probably close to a thousand dollars.)

The second story is that the Transportation security agency, in an effort to deter and prevent incidents like Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s attempted bombing of a Christmas day flight over Detroit, is going to begin swabbing the hands of random passengers to detect explosive residue, thus adding another 15 minutes of security screenings that mean nothing, and that the flying public is expected to accept and “deal with” for the illusion of safety.

The first story I have little to fear from, since I am a man of average girth. I do have to say though those tiny seats that are on airplanes are uncomfortable as hell though. About the only full blown seat that I have seen on a passenger ferrying vehicle that is smaller then a typical airline seat is a device in Kia SUV’s that advertise that they seat seven people (the seats in those case are ten inches wide in the back, and the front has bench seats for three people). It is a greater symptom that Airlines are forgetting that their passengers are paying customers. With the advent of “strategic partnerships” between airlines and the mergers of others though, there is no competition that can take place between them, and the competition that does take place is in Cost cutting being extended to the passenger, thus removing frills all the way down to beverage service. No airline is willing to try and be upscale. No one is willing to advertise themselves like Makers Mark advertises the Bourbon. “It tastes expensive ... and is.”

I want to see a mainstream Airline that is unapologetic about their prices, because they let you check bags without an extra fee, give you a blanket and pillow without you asking and offers seats the size normally found in Caddilacs. If someone knows of such an airline that serves the whole nation, please let me know.

2010-03-18T12:00:00.001-05:00

It is not often that my education has an ability to intermix with my favorite hobby, Battletech. But some news popped up recently that has allowed it to happen. Strait from the horses mouth.

Long and short, the small business that runs and develops the Battletech line has exploded in growth beyond their wildest imaginations. But demand exceeding supply was not the only issue, there was also a hiccup in finance and it was one of the business owners fault.

This has lead to a lot of doom and gloom from the tabletop gamer community in general, but what surprises me is how the fans of catalyst propeties specifically have behaved. Shadowrun fans have been flapping around like chickens with their heads cut off.

My Fellow Battletech fans however seem to be taking a much more chill approach to this whole thing. Given that the revival of the two games were a mere 3 years apart, I can only hypothesize why one fan group is being Chicken Little while the other is Dali Lhamma.

Businesses large and small run into cash flow issues all the time. They can sometimes destroy perfectly solvent companies who rely far too much on receivables to carry the day. Other times they can be mere hiccups in a companies history, and be that tumble that leads to a brighter future. Given the success alluded to in the very beginning of the press release I am prompted to believe that Catalyst will be able to go forward despite this, to a brighter future ahead.

Sure many fans will cry fiat, or fanboyisim. But I look at it this way. Unless someone breaks into my house and burns my Battletech books and melts down my miniatures, no one is going to stop me playing the game. So I can afford to have faith. If Catalyst fails, I will continue to play, and with no new product to tell me what is going on in the universe, I will make it up, or use existing products to create and weave my stories. And that will be enough for me.

Birthday reflections

2010-03-01T11:20:00.000-06:00

Well just in time for March, your Arbiter has reached his twenty-seventh birthday. I spent my actually birthday in the throws of the Flu. To say I felt like I got hit by a truck would imply the impact was brief, but very painful. I felt like I got hit by a Truck, drug underneath the wheel well and pulled across a stretch of 30 some odd miles of Arizona highway…

The following Saturday I felt better enough (I was still coughing up a storm) to have a bunch of friends over to watch “Dark Side of the Rainbow.” For those that do not know, this is the bizarre phenomena that if one plays the movie “The Wizard of Oz” muted with Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” album on a CD player, the two Sync up in such a way that you end up with a rather convincing music video.

For the most part it is bullshit. The Wizard of Oz is three times as long as the Dark Side of the Moon, and being something of a media buff, I can see glaring holes in the theory. That said, there is a lot of times in the experience, particularly in pure instrumental moments where it does become quite beautiful, and OCCASIONALLY the lips sync to the lyrics. It was great fun, even for an over-analyzed coincidence.

Turning 27 has led me to examine my life, I figure get it out there in advance of the big 3-0. no serious internal reflection, don’t worry. I prefer to marvel at what I have beheld in the world. From 1983 to 2010 we went from the Apple LISA to the iPad, the Nintendo Entertainment System to the Wii, the Pinto to the Prius… wait that was a bad example.

The point was I was born in an era where I did not just witness quantum leaps forward in such a short time, I LIVED them. I was born to an era where Computers always existed in my house, humanity in space was semi common, and rock and roll was mainstream. The idea of these things being novel to my parents is just as bizarre to me as the concept of the Internet, Cellular Phones, and hybrid cars being “typical” things for my son.

Eventually some one is going to be saying “I have journeyed through the darkness between the most distant stars. I have beheld the births of negative-suns and borne witness to the entropy of entire realities....” That is the path that human beings have set themselves on, and it blows my fucking mind.

My best guess is that I got another 43 years left on this rock, and I am NOT marking down the days. I plan on making good each one I have left. So as a toast to everyone, Here’s to another ROCKING year!

People Who Ruin it for everyone

2010-02-10T10:23:00.002-06:00

So there is a Rule hear on Arbitration. I wait one month after a major disaster before I talk about how I like to jerk off to the body count. okay I do not actually do that, but in a very Carlin-esque way I love watching disasters. I work in an industry (life insurance) where death is a fact of life, and can even be seen as the cost of doing business. so when I watch a city disappear because most of the homes were not built to any sort of safety regulation, and in regions explicitly flagged off from development because they were not safe to build on, I admit I laugh.

Seeing one of the poorest countries on the planet almost literally collapse to non existence in terms of governance, and exist as a pseudo anarchy has been fascinating. The fact that it HAS turned into a survival of the fittest scenario and WORKED indicates that sometimes we just need to leave other peoples problems alone.

lets face it the relief effort in Haiti, has been another colossal failure. Medicine is not getting to proper people, language barriers (Creole is not French UN Peacekeepers!) are causing hostility, and a society who used to revere the dead to the point of graves being more elaborate then homes, are no kicking as many people into deep holes as possible and trying to move on.

there is no greater example of people failing to help however, then the story of ten Baptist-Christian Missionaries from Idaho. In this case, ten people have tried to take about 30 children they declared orphans across Haiti's border to the Dominican Republic for eventual adoption by American families. they now sit in a half demolished prison cell awaiting child trafficking charges

the problem of course was, some of these kids were not orphans. Yes there were some parents who gave away their children in hopes for a better life, some other children where, on a fundamental level, kidnapped from parents.

as a result of this case, many of the life saving medivacs that have taken children from hati to nearby Miami, Florida or aboard hospital ships like the USS Comfort have ground to a stand still.there is a mountain of paperwork that is supposed to be done when a child is to be removed from Haitian soil. in the immediate aftermath of the Earthquake, a lot of that paperwork (by necessity) was waived in favor of saving lives. in light of this however, what is left of Haitian law enforcement is spent on making sure NO CHILDREN leave Haitian soil.

when one listens to the stories of these ten missionaries, you get the sense that they had no idea what the hell they were doing. It almost sounds like ten idiots with no sense of protocol or sense were closing their eyes and letting their God point them where they should go and what they should do. I am all for making it up as I go along, but that usually applies for things like dinner menus.

the end result however is that yet again we have a group of religious nut jobs, who by their actions have made life hard on the rest of the world. like any Islamic Terrorist their choices are costing lives every day, and making a government paranoid and over protective of its people.

for 100,000 years human beings have used the Gods and Demons we worship for whatever reason as a good excuse for doing anything. and it has erupted into wars, changes in a nations governance, persecution of minorities, and abuse of our fellow man.

I am not saying that human beings must reject religion, far from it. What I do think we as a species need to do though is stop accepting religion as an acceptable argument to justify ANYTHING. We need to have a higher standard, a higher and more universal rulebook that applies not to the spiritual world, but the physical one. with something like 5 major religions and over 50 sects combined therein, too of "God's Laws" intersect each other.

"God told me to take this children and provide a better life for them!"

Thats great, the world wide rule book says that you need to make sure, along with one of our state department reps, that these kids are actually orphans, here is a ton of paper work to fill out, in the mean time this hospital needs triage nurses, so the other nine of you follow me."

Happy New Year

2010-01-04T16:05:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year folks, hope it has been fun and fruitful for you all. 2009 has been one of those years that has been, for me at least, one of the best ever, and yet one of the most frustrating. as I stare down the barrel of finishing my 27th lap around our local star, I figured I would just give you a list of the best and worst things that I experienced this past year.

The Best

Best Video Game- Batman Arkham Asylum. Seriously, lets take the 1994 cartoon voice cast, and appkly it to a Christopher Nolan movie! WINNER

Best Movie- G.I.J.O.E. The Rise of Cobra. My childhood was not raped.

Best Television series- Throwdown with Bobby Flay, or as I like to call it, Bobby Flay can not win

Best Book- The Spectre Series by a woman named Pheadra Weldon.

Best Nostalgic Moment- watching Die Hard and Die Hard 2 Back to back the week of Christmas with my wife.

Best Moment to completely change my mind about how things are- the birth of my son, and how children are demons

Best “New Person”- Brent Evans, the Catalyst Game Labs Art Director. Thanks for the Interview!

Best Old Friend- Chris Wrenn, whom I fancied as an apprentice, but has become my equal

Best dumb thing I ever heard- “Yeah I needed the thicken the broth up so I added water.”

Best smart thing I ever heard- “live like a dog, if it can not be eaten or humped, piss on it and walk away”

Best guest on a TV Show- Jessi Combs on Mythbusters. Sexy like Karri, but with a blow torch and a touch of immature enthusiasm

Best Vulgarity “Fuck-tard” Fourth year running

Best Meal cooked by Me- Thanksgiving Prime Rib

Best Meal cooked by someone else- an “Australian Meat Pie” for my birthday.

The Worst
Worst Video game- that I played? Sacred 2, had all the promise of Baulders gate, but lacked the side by side multiplayer.

Worst Movie- Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (why did we need this movie again?)

Worst book- Twilight religion and morality subtly wrapped in a romance novel unintentionally portraying a bevy of abusive relationships

Worst Television Show- Stargate Universe. It took ten episodes to even get me to WANT to watch more of it.

Worst Nostalgic moment- December 31st 2009- buying a device that could play old NES games, and fighting like a son-of-a-bitch to get mega man 3 to work… (it’s the only one with problems though)

Worst Moment that completely confirmed the way things are- Dude trying to blow up a plane of Christmas day. Air Port Security is pointless bullshit!

Worst New Person- Kate Only known you a year but you seen to always want to hang out but find lame excuses not too.

Worst old friend- Pamela. Sorry babe, but you seem to be ready to drop people you say are important to you at the slightest shift in wind.

Worst Dumb thing I ever heard- “Barac Obama is not a Citizen of the United States”

Worst Smart thing I ever heard (as in I did not like it, but I had to agree with it)- Some people want us to grow a pair between our legs and shout at the top of our lungs that global warming is fake, and this is where we have a confession. We don’t know. We know the earth is in fact getting warmer, but despite a crack research team we can not confidently say that mankind is directly responsible for it, or whether or not it is reversible. (Penn Jillete, from Bullshit Season 6)

Worst Guest on a TV Show- Joquinn Phoenix on David Letterman

Worst Vulgarity- Socialist, or Nazi (seriously that the best you got)

Worst Meal cooked by me- a seriously lame attempt at stir fry in april

Worst Meal I had cooked by someone else- Jenny’s home made French dip au jus…

Nerds Excluding Nerds

2009-11-09T13:47:00.003-06:00

*authors note* I plan on making a you tube video of this script, but I wanted to get it out there first

So there is a debate raging on in the Battletech community currently, and it is one that seems to pop up every once in a while. Should Battletech be considered a What You See Is What You Get style miniatures game?

The reason this debate has popped up again is three fold. First off the introductory box released a little over two years ago by Catalyst Game Labs contained 24 plastic Mech Miniatures. These Mechs were not made of the best quality materiels but provided a decent visual aid for new players to build interest in the game beyond the box set. There are now mutterings of a Clan Expansion box set to be released hopefully sometime in the next year, that will include more plastic minis.

Secondly Catalyst is working with a second Miniatures company, along with Iron Wind Metals to release relatively inexpensive, High-quality plastic miniatures. These minis are suppoused to be of even beter quality then those of Games Workshops Warhammer and 40K lines.

Finally Battletech is experiencing a resurgence in popularity. Between people brought in from the Now Defunct Wizkids Mechwarrior Game, and converts from War Machine and Warhammer 40K, the Battletech player base has increased substantially over the past four or so years.

All of these are contributing to an ever popular demand to make it so that when playing Battletech on the table top, the minis you play with on the table are the Mechs you are actually using. But will this become the official way Battletech tournaments are played?

Before I begin my editorial on this subject I would like to say that catalyst has already officially spoken on the matter. At the beginning of every major rule book they state that the use of Proxies in their game, is not only allowed, but encouraged. While to some this means using any mini for any Mech, many catalyst have taken it a step further by suggesting coins, bottle caps, and even scraps of Post Its for game play purposes.

So really, the debate is moot and we should all give it up, and delay by an infinitesimal amount, the eventual heat death of the universe.

I on the other hand, wish to be a loudmouthed prick, and speak my mind about the practicality of Battletech as a WYSIWYG game.

What You See Is What You Get is a common practice in many table top war games. These range from the Warhammer universe, known for its players strict adherence to the WYSIWYG policy as it is for the expense involved in the game. There is Warmachine and hoards where Proxies are possible but not practical, and then we have a few games like Catan where WYSWIG is necessary but also not an issue thanks to the materials provided in the game.

Battletech however is inherently different. Like other games, the forces you can deploy are inherently fluid, and can even be determined randomly. There is also a hypothetical ideal in the universe that every faction involved has access to any and all war materiels that ever existed in the universe, provided you are willing to spend the right amount of in game money. That means that each nation has access to at least 500 different BattleMechs and over 2000 configurations alone. When we get into tanks, aircraft, space craft, and infantry the combinations literally get to numerous to count.

This makes Battletech unique in that it does not force a player to commit to one nation or faction in order to play. Unlike Warhammer 40K where it would cost a fortune to multi task, or Flames of War, were personal history and nostalgia, along with a love of flavor permit a person to commit to one nation or force, Battletech not only allows but ENCOURAGES the player to play as a nation one game, and then another nation the next.

The kicker is that most of the machines available in Battletech lack serious stylistic distinction. with that in mind, how can you even be certain that your lance fits the flavor of the Magistracy of Canopus, or the Free Rasalhauge Republic . The current bad guy of the Battletech Universe, if there ever was such a thing as a bad guy, the Word of Blake, not only have their own special war materiel, but they also use and abuse war materiel from every corner of the galaxy, even the Clans, who keep a pretty tight rein on their war machines.

The second issue I want you to consider is economics. Again I have to refer to Games Workshops properties in this case. A typical basic unit of soliders, like the Space Marine Tactical Squad, will cost you 35 dollars and buy you ten models. If we go to Iron Wind metals website, we find that the same amount of money will by you anywhere from 2 to 5 models depending on what you purchase. While a typical Battletech game is four Mechs on four Mechs, thus making this price point not a problem, it does not change the fact that you, under a WYSIWYG game would be forced to use those same four Mechs over and over. Then what happens if you want to use two of the same Mech in a game but do not have two of that Mechs miniature? Suddenly a game that is well designed for players on a budget becomes really expensive really fast, all because of the demands of a few nerds that do not care about thier credit score.

Now a Typical WYSIWYG player’s response is “man up, you are supporting the game.” I tend to hear this mostly from Games Workshop converts. This is where I want to point out that that statement is only half right. Battletech is produced, on a very real basis, by two separate companies. Catalyst game labs produces the rules, art, and fiction for the universe. A second company Iron Wind Metals, produces the Metal Miniatures for the game. Now I am a fan of both companies… But I would argue you support the GAME more by purchasing Catalysts books and rules then Ironwinds Minis. In either case Catalyst makes money from the purchase of either, thanks to License agreements, but the “man up” argument deserves a counter

After a 1100 dollar a month mortgage payment nearly 400 in associated bills (gas power water) and 200 in groceries, I have around 200 dollars a month in “free” cash, and on occasion that has to go towards things like buying clothes for my wife, son and myself, or fixing a car, house etc. I also have other hobbies like Video games and movies to feed, and a credit card I need to pay off. Sometimes “supporting the game” is a secondary concern.

It should also come to light that you are only really supporting the game if you buy from your game store or from Iron Wind directly if you buy minis. Purchasing from ebay, particularly older or out of date miniatures, usually means that Catalyst (or its predecessors FASA or Fanpro) already got their money out of it and you are lining a third parties pocket. Compund that with the fact that catalyst makes its money from the Game Books, and only gets a small residual from Miniatures sales, THAT argument is false out the gate.

Another piece to consider is a small bit of technology in the Battletech universe called Omni-Tech. First introduce by the Clans in 1991, Omni-Mechs, and later Omni-Tanks, and Omni-fighters (and to a limited extent Omni Battle Armor) gives a war machine completely modular capability, permitting a the same machine to be outfitted one way, and then over night be deployed with an entirely different load out the next day, much like how an F-15 can be equipped as a light bomber on one sortie, then an Air Superiority fighter the next. Under this prevalent technology, some players would either have to have upwards of nine copies of a single Mech to cover every different configuration of an Omni-Mech, and then need to do it twice or three times in case they want to field more then one of those Mechs.

As well there are variations of non OmniMechs that are done in factory (or sometimes jerry rigged in the field) are you going to force me to SHOW you that that Hammerhands mini is in fact the 5D as opposed to the 3D model? WYSWIG Gamers usually will bend about this and say “only so far as the base chassis.” But I call that a cop out to promote their ideology. But then the problem is compounded by another issue. There are many miniatures that have been out of production for years, sometimes over a decade. There are also several other designs that have been taken out of production, so that purchasing new means having to pay a premium.

Well what if I wish to play with one of these designs? Am I shit out of luck because I was not into the miniatures side of the hobby back then? If you allow me to sub, lets say a Dervish mini to represent an Apollo, then the whole WYSIWYG argument goes out the window to demanding that you play with miniatures only instead of paperboard cutouts, and that is another debate all together.

If all of these concerns were not enough, I have a practical matter for you. Battletech Minis are both fragile and heavy. I have lost count how often I have had to glue on the same damned arm to a Berserker mini of mine. Figuring out how to store and transport minis is a pain in the ass and carries its own expense with it. I for example have literally more Mechs then I have items to hold them in. Some are languishing in foam lined cardboard boxes as a result. I am not proud, but I have run out of materials to put them in. In a WYSIWYG play environment, the problem becomes compounded because I will need to haul it all to location A, in case I want to play a particular Mech on a last second whim.

For me the bottom line in the WYSIWYG debate is simple. We have a side of the Battletech player community who wants to show off their toys, and compare them to other peoples. It is part of the imaginary ownership that players and fan of any universe claim when they adhere to their random form of nerdness, and their desire to be offended that others do not take it seriously. The next step from WYSIWYG will be players demanding that other players claim ownership of a particular faction in the universe (where there are over 50 recorded factions alone), and then after that would be claiming and painting all of your minis in a particular military unit within the faction. While the argument is incumbent on the slippery slope fallacy, I would like to think I had already addressed well and good the ridiculousness of the issue at hand in order to indulge in it.

My personal take on the whole issue is this. Nothing supports a game better then playing it. That means butts in seats, dice in hand. Whether it is with miniatures, cardstock cut outs, or bottle caps and bobby pins I don’t care. Battletech is a game designed to be as simple or as complicated as you wish, so there is no real sense in trying to be exclusionary when someone wants to play the game with you, but has not shown the same kind of commitment you have. You could be missing out on making a good friend, or at the least a hell of a challenging game.

BRUTAL LEGEND

2009-10-23T13:42:00.000-05:00

I have been an avid video gamer since I was about 3 years old. I have previously waxed poetic about the fact that my childhood doctor prescribed a Nintendo to develop my fine motor skills, which were sub par in my youth. 23 years of solid video gaming under my belt I feel I have some chops to speak my mind about games.

Recently a man widely regarded as a Genuis of Video game writing name Tim Schaffer released a product called Brutal Legend. With Umlats over the U to show that the game does not mess around. The story revolves around a Rhoadie for a Punk/Metal/Pop fusion band who wishes to be part of a world where the metal was much more pure.

“You mean like the Seventies?”

“No man. Even earlier, like the early Seventies”

Anyway a stage accident occurs and stuff happens where he is transported to a mystical land that seems to be made off nothing but Motorhead, Black Sabbath, Metallica and Megatdeath Albums. Plot commences and it is good.

The game was met with a lot of anticipation, and the sales are through the roof. Voice acting provided by Jack Black, Tim Curry, Kyle Glass and Jennifer Hale are supplemented with the likes of such legends as Lemmy Kilmeister, Rob Halford, Lita Ford, and Ozzy mother fuckin Osborne. The script is excellent, even if the writing is suitable for a cheesy fantasy animated film.

What has gotten the game the most flak, after drowning out the religious nut-jobs who object to profanity and music in any form, is the game play. While nominally a third person adventure and exploration game, in order to advance the storyline you have to commit to these Real Time Strategy “Stage Battles” a portion of the game that was very well hidden from the press until review copies were sent out. Even I will admit that it is a tedious and overwhelmingly dull aspect of the entire game, BUT I am also a gamer who can ignore crappy game play if the story is good.

And this is the first game since Full Throttle that Tim Schaffer has done with a well thought out and excellent story (yes, I know about Psychonaughts, It did not do anything for me.) it is like the criticisms of the Halo series, who all have generic and mediocre game play, but make up for it in writing and music.

And I thin that is what is not connecting to gamers. The medium of video games has matured, and as a result we can now have complex and compelling stories that reach beyond “Thank you Mario, but our princess is in another castle.”

There are games out there where you can be good or evil, anti heros are praised , and in one series case (overlord) you ARE the bad guy. Some of the worst games of all time, like Bullet Witch, have had stories that compelled me to complete them, and some of the most repetive games ever, like Assassin’s Creed, milk those with certain educations and hobbies for all they are worth.

To often the gamer community is willing to label the title of “bad game” to something that plays poorly, or deviates from its predisesscors. Mario Brothers 2, Zelda 2, and Castlevania 2 all deviated from their predecessors, and had poor gameplay, but the so affected the mythos by their storylines that they provide certain Staples to their series.

Mario 2 brought the Shyguys, Birdo, and Mini games to their series. Casltevania 2 allowed for open world play, RPG elements, and Equipment menus that Dracula X and Rondo of Blood would not have existed without. Zelda 2 complete altered the mythology of the Zelda Series by introducing the idea of the Triforce as a Triple Entity, as well as permitting a completely bizarre timeline.

Critics need to back off the game play element and look at video games as a media experience. While once in a while we will get the next gen equivalent of Dr Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde, I think more and more often we will have hidden treasures like the Duck Tales on the NES, B.O.B or Zombies Ate My Neighbors on the SNES, or just about every Capcom made fighter on the Dreamcast.

The Biggest issue in Battletech.

2009-09-23T12:06:00.003-05:00

As I have established in previous blog entries, I am a huge fan of a game called Battletech. I have been familiar with the game since I was six, and been a player/collector of stuff since I was eleven or twelve.

Battletech has over the course of its twenty five years of existence had one giant albatross hanging over it. The original artwork and designs for the giant effing robots that are the heart of the story were images that originally belonged to Japanese Manga and Anime properties. Most famously are a series of twelve designs from a show called Super-Dimension Fortress Macross, better known as Robotech in the United States. There were also other designs take from the Animes Crusher Joe and Fang of the Sun Dougram as well.

Most people would scream plagiarism at this, but keep in mind; these images were actually licensed by the game company FASA. However, in circa 1996, there was some confusion. In 1985 a company called harmony gold began airing episodes of Super Dimension Fortress Macross, Super Dimension Cavalry Southern Cross, and Genesis Climber Mospeada under the united title of Robotech. Further Playmates was Harmony Gold merchandising partner in this endeavor, producing (often reproduction of Japanese toys) Robotech toys. There was little interaction between FASA and Harmony gold until 1996 when playmates started producing figures for a similar but entirely separate toy line called ExoSquad. FASA brought suit to Playmates indicating that many of the Exo-Squad toys were derived from or outright copies of Battlemechs FASA had made that were NOT part of the licensed images. Playmates countersued over the licensed images in turn.

The end result of this was that confusion over United States versus Japanese licensing and copyright protection put FASA in legal jeopardy. While no one really one the lawsuits, FASA had Resolved the issue of the licensed images by removing the artwork from the universe. Because of their status of “being there, but not visible” these images had earned the nickname “the unseen” by Battletech fans.

Fast forward to 2003, FANPRO, then the current Battletech holders, created a book called “Project Phoenix” as part of the games technical readout series. Instead of creating new mech, the artist Chris Lewis looked at the unseen and recreated them in a new way that paid homage to the original licensed artwork, but were original enough to avoid legal issue. This book, as far as I can tell, has been the most controversial in Battletech history (I could be wrong).

As a fan I loved these new looks of the old classics. I could see the natural evolution between new and old, just as I can seen the differences between an F-18, and an F/A-18G. not everyone in the Battletech community was grateful however. While most fans were at the least pragmatic, there were some who treated these “ReSeen” with open distain. For example here is a quote from the Battletech message boards dated 09/22/2009.

“The new ones simply should not have been named OST-ANYTHING.
Have the Damn factory that builds the designs destroyed in Universe.
Have someone steal and/or destroy the plans for the designs entirely.
BUT DON'T NAME SOMETHING OST THAT DOES NOT LOOK OST!
And they don't feel OST either. Completely changed Mechs!
New Armor, New internal Structure, New Engine, New Weaponsloadout.
So if i make a new mech that has Leg-Joints between Torso and Arms, i can call it locust even if it is 100t heavy and carries more armor and firepower than a Daishi?
I call shenanigans on most of the Phoenix-Designs. There are only one or two i like better i think. If you make something in the image of something else, it had better have SOME kind of semblance to the original!
Both in looks AND in Loadout . .
Don't get me started on the new Locust. I showed someone who has been with Battletech for over 10 years an image of one of the newer Locusts. And he said MARAUDER!
Because neither are the Legs Between torso and arms, nor is the laser BELOW the torso. The Laser looks like the Marauders AC-Mount AND the Legs look like the Marauder Assembly too!
The old Machines had a bit more clunky to them, even if they had more biological looking chassis partly. . The new ones just . . look competely wrong in my eyes”

This is a quote from over five years after the fact. And he was complaining specifically about these two images.
Old Ostol
New Ostol

Now let us jump forward to 2009. Catalyst Game Labs (the Current holders of the franchise) had been working secretly behind the scenes, negotiating what was supposed to be Ironclad license holds to re-obtain the unseen images. Not for replacing the new Project phoenix products, but to get them to exist side by side. Again I refer to my F-18 vs. F/A-18G comparison. They had succeeded in the Crusher Joe and Dougram properties, as well as a negotiation with Victor Music Industries for original artwork that was produced “out of house” but was otherwise original Battletech work. The Macross/Robotech properties are still out of reach however.

This has created a debate in the Battletech fandom with two great big sides. One side, which seems to be the larger, is calling for the original artwork to be fully reintegrated into the battletech universe. This goes from one extreme of the unseen existing in a period only time frame, to the other of retcon, or in story get rid of the reseen.

The other, smaller side of the debate is calling for caution. Generally they too wish to see the original artwork placed in its appropriate spot in battletech canon, whether it is reproduction of original book and novel covers, or other nostalgic products. This side stops short of saying miniatures should be reproduced, and the unseen placed in current storylines and illustrations. A pilot in the year 3075 should just not be piloting a Warhammer mech that was built in 2980. Once again this side of the debate has its hard liners. For example a quote taken after the announcement that the Macross designs could not be obtained.

“good lord you guys, did you not learn anything from this entire debacle? just let them go already... you know the second IWM tries to do something some other company is going to come out of the wordwork to bite them in the ass. the other mechs designed by other companies were proactively declared unseen to keep this whole thing from ever happening again, and we were even given fantastic new models to replace the original 80s machines we took from other universes. huzzah, now my beloved Thunderbolt's mini doesn't blind me with it's sheer fuglyness, and it's a CBT original! and as an added bonus, mechs that already looked pretty decent, like the Battlemaster, now look totally badass. oh happy day!

but then, years later (that would be today), we grabbed some feathers, a jar of wax, and tried to get the old machines back. and did. woppdie-frickin'-do. still a very questionable call in my mind. in my heart of hearts, i just knew it isn't going to last. and guess what.

*clang*

*clang* *clang*

know what that sound is? as LiaoFan would say, that's the sound of our franchise once again being sodomized with a crowbar. before you knew it everyone 'round here was totally depressed, wondering what could have possibly led to that unforeseeable move by Harmony Gold. and now you guys want to dig yourselves even further down the hole?

obviously i can't stop you from spending your money on what you want... but come on, let'em go already. they've been replaced. it would be different if all of the unseen models were back, and there was some fluff about how the desperate Inner Sphere was even down to using the crap Succession Wars models again. but now we're back to only using a could specific Succession Wars models? and not even the really famous ones? come on. there are so many new projects in the pipe, waiting for work, don't clog it with this. after all, there have been enough sculpts from 1980 to sate the appetites of players for, well, ever.”

Like with partisans during the United States health care reform debate, people exerting this behavior are really doing it not to express their opinion so much as to hear themselves talk. And it is such a shame to with an issue that could bring such good fortune to a game that has found itself on the ropes so often, only to bounce back. I find myself on the side that favors the new, but I see the old as having its place, putting me smack in the middle. What shocks me more then anything else is how fans of a fictional universe can be so passionate about a small (but not unimportant) part of their fictional universe.

Hard to forget when the work is unfinished

2009-09-11T12:04:00.000-05:00

In my continuing effort to state unpopular opinions that I truly hold, but also need to be said, I present these facts to you.

Eight years ago, on September 11th 2001 at 8:30 am Missouri time I was walking from the communal shows of my dormitory at Columbia College. A George Carlin skit where he was mocking the song “America the Beautiful” was going through my head, and I found myself singing it on my way back to room 202.

“oh Beautiful, or smoggy skies, insecticided grain
‘ore strip-mined mountains, majesty, above the asphalt plain.

America, America, Man sheds his waste on thee,
and hides the pines with billboard signs from sea to oily sea.”

As I was walking I saw people watching their cable news channel of choice each showing the same impossible scene. Both world trade center towers were on fire. I had obviously missed the planes being driven into them at this point, so I thought it was merely an accidental fire started by god knows what. I got Dressed and went to breakfast. Walking into the cafeteria and seeing it was empty was not unusual. That even kitchen staff was not at their stations disturbed me a bit. Still I grabbed a To Go box and my breakfast and returned to my dorm to eat. I had a good three hours before my first class of the day.

While eating my breakfast a guy who lived directly below me shouted “they crashed another plane into the Pentagon!”

That was how I was first brought to the attention of the Terrorist group al-queada’s attacks on American soil. Like others I was shocked, and my life brought to a standstill that day. I could barely muster the energy to go to class that day. I was one of three who attended my first class, and the only one my second.

Eight years later the President during those periods has, I can say (as a man who voted for him) that he fumbled the ball. A necessary war was perpetrated for the purposes of apprehending the surats (a science fiction based epitaph for “flying monkey”) that planned and initiated the attack, as well as the honor less cowards that gave them shelter and respite. We had the political capital of the world at our feet, and the will of iron to see things through. President Bush’s cabinet looked like a dream team of crisis managers.

Then in 2003 that political capital was wasted on an unneeded second war to a nation that acted like the United States version of North Ireland to the British. This stretched are resources to thin, and the idea of winning the hearts and minds of the conquered took over the idea of winning your objectives.

Now, every year on September 11th, the people of the United States of America come together to pay remembrance to those who have lost their loves at the hands of these barbarians. Bells are rung, prayers are said, and for every day that the fires burned, two pillars of light shine into the sky, seen from orbit, and from almost a hundred miles in any direction. It is a tragedy that such a thing does not strengthen the resolve to do what must be done, and what has been ignored for so long.

This gave rise to the same delusional peace movements that the Vietnam war spawned, and the foot soldiers of the Peace Movement era are now congressmen of the this era. We have lost sight of what armed conflict in this past eight years was supposed to be about. We were supposed to track down a Six foot seven inch tall Arab on dialysis. We were supposed to capture him, present him to the public, try him, and shove him in a dark hole of a prison and forget about him. His followers were to be annihilated, his homes and refuges burned to the ground, and the very principles on which he stood and justified the horrors he committed crumbled to dust.

In a fictional universe I escape too every now and then, such a thing is called a “Trial of Annihilation”, and amounts to basically lawful genocide. In this case, I feel such a thing is appropriate, I feel that anyone who would wave the banner of Al-Queda should be tracked down, captured then killed, or killed on the spot.

But now there is a movement to make the day of September 11th a federal holiday in the United States. I do ponder if there were similar calls for the Attacks on Pearl Harbor, or the Battle of Gettysburg in previous centuries. I do not like the idea of the September 11th attacks being a federal holiday for a few reasons.

First off, we have never made a holiday out of a defeat, let alone the first cannon shots. July 4th was made a holiday in remembrance of our separation from the rule of King George. However, the Boston Massacre is not a holiday, nor the Battle of Bunker Hill, both of which precede the Declaration of Independence. Likewise we do not make a holiday out of the attack on Pearl Harbor, where we received just as large of a slap to the face. Further, neither, V-E nor V-J Day are celebrated.

Secondly, we must examine the Culture of those of made the attacks and how such an commemoration would be perceived. Arabic culture is a study in confusing justifications for actions that westerners see as inconceivably incorrect. One need only look at the bombardment of Jordan by Israel in 2006 to see just how unusual the culture thinks. Jordan was shelled to holy hell, Billions of dollars in damage, with little effective reprisal against Israeli military. And yet the mere fact that the Israeli government said “stop, we think we got the point across” was declared as a holy victory to the Jordanian people (if not the government.) This Orkish attitude of military action shows a culture, at least to outsiders, seems bent on to the death battles, where one solider left standing, even if the war was lost is declared victory. That kind of unhealthy bent on genocide or suicide, which ever comes first could easily translate to seeing the making of September 11th a holiday as an acknowledgement of their victory. That is something we as Americans should not stand for.

Finally as I had stated, the fight is not done. Holiday’s are moments of celebration and remembrance. I personally feel it would be an insult to the 2998 killed and nearly 10,000 injured in the attacks, to have a holiday for a task that has not been completed yet. The towers are still fallen, the barbarians who knocked them down are still at large, and the sacrifices made to American culture are too great to celebrate now. A holiday is a day of rest, and there is to much work to be done.

Perhaps when we do capture Usāmah bin Muhammad bin `Awad bin Lādin, and kick him in that hole in Leavenworth where he belongs my perspective will change. Until then, I look to today and hope that my nation redoubles its efforts to finish what was thrust upon it. I can forgive my government for dropping the ball for six long hard years, so long as we make it count for something now.

The Fine art of Barbecue

2009-09-03T13:31:00.003-05:00

Barbecue, the word means different things to different people. on the coasts and dessert it generall means tossing meat on top of a gas powered grill after seasoning the fuck out of it with salt and pepper.

I am from Kansas City Missouri however, and such activity is called grilling. Barbecue is sacred in my homeland, were we have a friendly but passionate competition with two other regions for what barbecue really is. Generally though People from Kansas City, Texas, and the Carolinas do agree one one thing.

Barbecue is a culinary art that involves slowly cooking meat over a low-tempuratre smokey wood fire for an extended period of time. beyond that there are specifics that get involved. in Carolina the use of coleslaw and apple cider vinegar is paramount.

in Texas the use of rubbed spices and a thick Mesquite wood for smoking is the primary goal.

in my homeland, which I am going to focus on, it is the sauce that is paramount. True Kansas City style "wet" Barbecue sauce is a mixture of Tomato paste, Molasses, usually (at least in homemade varieties) a beer of some kind, spices, and Garlic and Onion, and occasionally thinks like cucumbers, squash or other pureed vegetables. I am constantly disappointed at bottled sauces I find outside the grocery store that are meant to be a Kansas city style. most of the time they lack the proper flavor (though KC Masterpiece gets close) and almost always the lack of texture.

I can not help but warn people to stay away from Hunts, Heinz, or Craft Barbecue sauces, as they are almost completely generic, and most defiantly avoid Maul's St Louis Style like a plague. Contrary to what the food network says, there is no St Louis Style of Barbecue, just a horrible horrible sauce using Kansas City technique.

now in the Kansas City Area there are over a thousand (and some say as many as 4000) Barbecue restaurants in the area. almost all are worth examining, but to outside traveler a Kansas City Native will speak of "The Big Three" of which there are actually four members.

The first, and oldest is a place called Arthur Bryants. First opened by a man named William Perry from Memphis, and later bought from him by his cook Arthur Bryant, one could argue that this place of of 18th and Brooklyn is the father of Kansas City barbecue. thier meat and sandwiches are excellent, and the rack of pork ribs is well regarded. it was a place well regarded by p[residentr Harry Truman, and in 1974 was described in Playboy Magazine as "...possibly the single best restaurant in the world." their sauce is the most sour of the three Kansas City Brands, but the texutre is wonderful,m being thick but not heavy on sweet. Bryants needs to be the first and last stop for Kansas City Barbecue tourist.

the second place of the Big Three is called Gates and Sons, or just Gates. the establishment was born from a Braynt's cook seeking to make his own way. One of Seven Restaurants in the area are immediately recognizable for the giant red roof and the smell of smokers full of meat that permeate the area. Walking into the well lit place you are immediately besieged by the scents, and a large woman usually belting out "HI MAY I HELP YOU!" THAT is what a barbecue restaurant is all about. having eaten at every single gates location, the atmosphere hits the spot perfectly. it is also one of few places that i have found to have red creme soda on tap. Gates is mostly a barbecue sandwich place, with their double decker bread sandwiches or Beef, pork or Turkey, a side of pickles and wonderful french fries. you can of course get sliced meats and sausage, and their Presidential Platter (named for the sampler President Bill Clinton asked for in the 90's when he visited the 103rd street location) is a great treat to bring to parties. the real jackbot is the ribs, which are much more moist the Bryants for reasons I have yet to determine.

the third resturaunt of note is a place called Fiorella's Jack Stack. this place has already been nationally recongnized for its high quality eats. the setup of each location is nice and comfy, and has a look of a high end steakhouse more then a barbecue joint. in addition to typical fare you will find lamb ribs, hickry smoked seafood, and hickory and mesquite grilled steaks on the menu. thier sauce, which makes liberal use of molasses, is the sweetest in town, and smokes extremly well, leaving a nice sweet crust on thier crown prime ribs of beef (a signature dish that my wife craved heavily when pregnant) all of thier items are well worht the extra money if you pay a visit. I recommend their Burnt Ends myself.

now as I said, in the Big three there is a fourth member, this Dartanian of barbecue in my home town is very unassuming, and should be on the Food network show Diners Drive ins and Dives. Oklahoma Joe's, located in a Gas Station in Wyandotte County is a gold mine. Their barbecue sandwiches and fries are to die for, the beans are fantastic, and the sauces they offer are spot on for either Kansas City or Carolina style. I would argue that the place is the best kept secret of Kansas City.

of course there are a myriad of other BBQ joints in the city I have lived my entire life in. all are worth a try, and most are excellent in their own right.
if you are driving through or plan on visting, check these places out, they are worth the journey alone.

Reconciliation my left Nut

2009-08-19T11:31:00.000-05:00

Oh, crap, I am going to get political again, despite my better judgment. Please forgive me as I present my perspective in front of you folks. And to my Canadian fans, I do beg your forgiveness as well as you indulge me in American politics.

Late last night on CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360 I learned that Congress, and the Democratic party majority have been openly talking about using a parliamentary procedure called “reconciliation” to force health care reform through the Senate and become law.

Nominally in the United States Senate it requires a vote of Sixty members in order to pass a bill and present to the President. Reconciliation was introduce to permit a simple majority (51% of the votes present) to pass budgetary measures. This way no single senator could hold up vital legislation in indefinite debate.

This is not the first time a party in power has threatened to use a parliamentary procedure tog et something done, nor is it something that was proposed eons ago. In 2005 President Bush had numerous Appointees held up in debate by then minority democrats, using the filibuster to prevent judges from being appointed. It was Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) who suggested changing the senate rules to permit a simple majority for the “advise and consent” of the senate for approval of judicial nominees.

Democrats argued that they were holding up Bush appointees the same way that republicans held up Clinton appointees, often for the same spot. Thus the whole exercise became a whining match between two groups of kindergardners. It was only through the wisdom of Senators John McCain (R-AZ) and Ben Nelson (D-NE) along with a dozen other like minded senators that this disastrous turn of events was prevented.

Now with the Democratic Party in power history is set to repeat itself, with ramifications much more immediate and obvious then forcing through judicial nominees. What is worse is that the Democratic Party leaders are doing this in response to dissent from within their own ranks, as opposed to partisan bickering. How soon it is that people forget history, and what it is like to have a gun pointed to you head.

My personal problem with the use of the Reconciliation tactic, or as it became known in 2005 the “nuclear option”, is that it makes partisan politics all the more likely to occur. Although one can argue, usually with success, that the slippery slope is not a legitimate debate tactic, the fact is that politics and the laws that are made from them are an exercise in precedent. If one group can justify the use of a parliamentary tactic for X purpose, then the other group can use it for Y purpose. So far it looks like mere threatening of Reconciliation is now going to be an accepted tactic in Congress. If it is actually used however, then American politics will be forever changed until the two major parties have permanently split into smaller groups.

“The alternate domination of one faction over another, sharpened by the spirit of revenge, natural to party dissension, which in different ages and countries has perpetrated the most horrid enormities, is itself a frightful despotism. But this leads at length to a more formal and permanent despotism. The disorders and miseries, which result, gradually incline the minds of men to seek security and repose in the absolute power of an individual; and sooner or later the chief of some prevailing faction, more able or more fortunate than his competitors, turns this disposition to the purposes of his own elevation, on the ruins of Public Liberty.” George Washington’s Farwell Address September 17, 1796

Insensitivty Training

2009-08-18T10:52:00.002-05:00

One of the things I hate is people trying to control language. for some reason people seem to think the First Amendment of the Constitution has the caveat "unless, of course, it offends a person's sensibilities."

The latest example of such is the "Think B4 You Speak" campaign. Do not get me wrong, I know that this campaign was created with the best of intentions, but trying to control language, and therefore thought goes against the very foundation of the United States and its origins. Simply put, people will always say things you do not like, and by extention, things you hate.

the solution is not to try and change people, but rather to change yourself. I am not saying that, in this particular case, gay people need to not be gay. that is like asking the sun to not be a giant fusion furnace, or for housefly's to walk from A to B. I am saying that people need to insulate their sensitivities to what they do not like. As a kid who got picked on and bullied A LOT growing up, I know it works. if you never want to be offended, you might as well not leave the house. that is not much of a way to live, but like abstinence preventing STDs it is garunteed to work.

What makes this campaign even worse for me is the silly tactics they use. right on the front page of their website you can see three examples of what someone COULD say about Jocks, Cheerleaders, and Gamers. that kind of passive aggressive stance takes something that could have been a clever "oh snap!" moment, and turns it into an image of a kid sitting on his bed crying and saying these things to his/her pillow.

I hate to quote the 2007 Film Transformers, but here is a great bit of dialogue to counter such things if a jock gives you crap.

Trent DeMarco: So, what are you guys doing here?
Sam Witwicky: We're here to climb this tree.
Trent DeMarco: I can see, it looks...it looks fun. You know, I thought I recognized you. You tried out for the football team last year, right?
Sam Witwicky: Oh, no, no, that...That wasn't like a real try-out. I was researching a book I was writing.
Trent DeMarco: Oh, yeah?
Sam Witwicky: Yeah!
Trent DeMarco: Yeah? What's it about? Sucking at sports?
Sam Witwicky: No, it's about the link between brain damage and football. No, it's a good book, your friends will love it. You know, it's got mazes in it, you know, little coloring areas, sections, pop-up pictures...it's a lot of fun.

A comedian named David Naster refers to such a tactic as a Humor Hand Grenade. the use of wit in an appropriate situation can stop a situation from getting unpleasant, or in this case, shut a bully down where all they can do is walk away grumbling under their breath. I would suggest that anyone who feels oppressed form "that's so gay." Try this before whining to a special interest group.

Giant Effing Robots Pt 3

2009-08-10T09:53:00.002-05:00

So it all starts when you paint one miniature.

as trite as it may seem that is the honest to gods truth. in my case the one miniature was a Mech called a Goshawk. I painted it to be a character for a Role Playing game that went tits up in its infancy. the concept was simple, a navy gray with racing stripes.

I loved the design so much I made more like them, and it just sort of blew up. next thing I knew I had twenty Battlemechs with this look, and planned to do more. then I realized that these were just funny painted machines, with no history in the universe. My Creation amounted to nearly nothing. so I sat down in front of my computer.

it took nearly twenty days of research. I did not want a single charismatic "leader" that everyone else flocked to. so I settled on a small group of friends, all who had vast experience, and had thier own friends and crew that flocked to them. then came the question. how could I have a handfull of people who were in thier fifties, but keep them young. that is what puzzled me the most. it was not enough for them to ACT young, I wanted these main characters to LOOK young. the best example I have is in the Wolverine movie, how Logan commented owning an original WWI era motorcycle to a man that looked old enough to be his father.

it was a relativly new book that gave me the answer I craved. miners who lived in the asteroid belts around Earth genetically enhance themselves for long life. normally the group is insular, but I took a liberty to present five (six originally but I had one killed off) people who left the belts for the sake of adventure. all of them were in fact 50-70 years old, but they looked thirty years younger, creating the dichotomy between age and experience that I wanted. As a result the lioness combat team was born. I already wrote one story for them (as completly infeasable as it would be in the battletech universes canon) and am working on a second. they are a little fan fictionish, but if people are interested they can be found at

http://www.solarisseven.com/index.php?board=13.0

look for "Tales of the Lioness Combat Team"

Giant Effing Robots pt 2

2009-08-03T10:44:00.003-05:00

Battletech is a lot like other Table Top Games. you have pieces, they represent your party, and they go out and do stuff. unlike other miniatures based war games however having the proper miniature is not a requisite (such games are called WYSWYG, or What You See is What You Get). This makes the miniatures side of the Battletech universe a true hobby instead of a requirement.

My first foray into the Miniatures hobby was a new and exciting ordeal. I had used a Gorilla Glue tube salvaged from my parents garage to build the miniature, and painted it with an enamel taken from a model car painting kit. I did not prime the miniature at all. it was my work though, and I thought it was the coolest thing ever.

in hindsight it was an unmitigated disaster. the paint was sloppy in places, and as age showed on the miniature, bare metal was showing though, and the glue crusted over so easily I had to file it away and reglue it

over the course of my nearly decade long miniatures painting career, I learned about Primers, Dry brushing, the use of colored washes, Highlights (which I do not do, preferring to let natural light do the work for me.) Lacquers and varnishes. all culminate into a massive collection of over 200 pieces of lead free pewter. you also discover the damnedest tools to use. My miniatures painting and preparation studio includes the following.

- A tackle box full of small tubes and pots of paint.
- Brushes ranging in size from a full house paint brush to a 30 hair fine detail brush
- seven Xacto knives and one surgeons scalpel
- a one gallon jug full of pine sol
- a glass plate that was part of a microwave
- an infinite supply of paper towels
- a Dremmel tool
- a Toothbrush
- Files both metal worker and jeweler quality
- a Coffee Grinder- so that I can turn sand into a finer powder
- Safety Glasses, never underestimate the importance of them
- a Jet Lighter
- a large bucket of sand- right out of the local school sand box
- a Workshop Vise
- a small hand Drill, and wire's of varrying gauge
- a Lamp with magnifier
- a portable photo studio suited for taking pictures of small objects
- a Digital Camera
- stiff metal wire brushes of various sizes to scrape paint off a mini if i want to try again.

Most of the time I paint either in a generic "Tank like" coloration, or I paint a piece in the colors of one of Battletechs many fictitious nations. it is only recently that I have been going into the nameless void that was creating my own color scheme. you would be amazed how much planning goes into such an affair. I started out with just four mechs, and tried several variations. none satisfied me. it was a pure accident of discovering I had used a paint suited for airbrushing that I found the coloration I wanted. then the pinstripe highlights came naturally.

Creating your own paint scheme has its consequences though. You suddenly have this group, it starts small, and then you find the need to have a story behind it. My group, which started as six battlemechs, exploded to a reinforced battalion very quickly. and thus started what I called the Lioness Combat Team. I will tell you about writing them in the next entry

Giant, Effing Robots Part 1

2009-07-29T10:13:00.003-05:00

I have been a fan of a game universe called Battletech, for over half of my life. My first encounter came with a kid in Sixth grade named Alex Fox, who introduced me to a cartoon, and told me there was a board game and book series as well. I was hooked immediately.

it does not surprise me, I was, and still am, a fan of Transformers, as well as other imported mecha such as Voltron. I even admit to enjoying the Power Rangers in my youth. but that Battletech has kept my attention for so long is something truly special.

the best thing about the game universe is that it has a little something for everyone. if you just like political and military drama in a sci-fi universe, you can stick to the novels. if you prefer computer games, the MechWarrior series fits your bill. On the tabletop side, you can make as elaborate or as simple a game as you wish. if you only want to kill a few hours, you can do a simple scenario of 4 Mechs on 4 Mechs, or if you want to be elaborate, there are rules for commanding the entire military of a galactic empire.

this game is literally only a year younger then I am. I have done my personal duty to spread the word of Battletech near and far, and this blog will be a part of it. Nest time I will talk about my favorite part of the hobby, the miniatures

a Word to Twilight fans

2009-07-27T12:09:00.003-05:00

Stephanie Meyer is a talentless hack!

Seriously, twilight fans young and old need to Re-read this bullshit that they are so adorned with, cause I am getting sick of it. this johnny come lately fandom is so out of control that it flooded downtown San Diego during the ComiCon, and prevented people from getting INTO the convention center to enjoy other panels.

http://www.cinemassacre.com/new/?p=2327

Now here is the thing. I consider myself a fan of Vampire lore. from the oldest myths about creatures kidnapping virgins, to Stokers fable of an infamous Romanian noble. From Anne Rice's take of a 300 year old Frenchmen, all the way up to Marvel Comic's tales of an entire Vampire Culture living hidden among us, Vampires fascinate me. even Eidos' Legacy of Kain Video Games have contributed something positive to the collection of tales on Vampires.

Stephanie Meyer takes these sources, rolls them up into a little ball and throws them into a Yiff room at a Furry Convention.

Her Vampires are "Vegetarians" by citing the consumption of animal blood. We see something similar in "interview with a Vampire" where Louis resists the urge to kill human beings for the sake of his own life. this behavior weakens him however, and after enough time he ends of feeding on a child to save his own life. in Stoker, it is mentioned that at Vampire can feed on any life, but only human blood can provide the best nourishment possible. in other Vampire fiction it is impossible to feed on any other creature at all.

While Meyer's Vampires can be out in the light, a theme shared by Stoker, the fact the sun has no ill effects and essentially "outs" then due to what I call the "bling effect" is an invention that exists merely to make vampirisim pretty to young girls.

Finally there is the characterization itself. I would cite my own opinion here, but I think it pretty much follows Laura Miller from Salon.Com's opinion. http://www.salon.com/books/review/2008/07/30/Twilight/

"the characters, such as they are, are stripped down to a minimum, lacking the texture and idiosyncrasies of actual people"

"Twilight would be a lot more persuasive as an argument that an "amazing heart" counts for more than appearances if it didn't harp so incessantly on Edward's superficial splendors."

And then what about the sex? Seriously what about it. In an era where people delude themselves about kids having sex at younger and younger ages (a myth I will talk about in another post) this OCD chick Bella is chaste to the point of being barely alive. she seriously orgasm's at being touched by this ONE HUNDRED AND FOUR YEAR OLD. the pseudo paedophilic nature of this relationship is glossed over because he looks seventeen or eighteen. The entire treatment of Sex screams from Meyer's Mormon upbringing. She vaguely implies becoming a vampire is akin to losing your virginity, and thus should not happen on a whim. The numerous times Bella asks to be turned could almost be replaced with "Turn me into your fuck-toy," turning religious sexual frustration onto young girls that may or may not be ready for such pressures.

My biggest complaint about this whole series though, is that the vampires this story centers around have had their proverbial balls cut off. Vampires are almost portrayed as universally predatory, treating people they way people treat cattle, or sometimes the way a cat treats a mouse. even in tales where a vampiric culture is attempting to live covertly among humanity, they do not blend in, but rather stay in the shadows unless it suits them. Meyer's attempt to normalize vampire's completely defeats the purpose of them not being normal.

Sorry to all the teen girls out there, but long and short is I find nothing redeeming about the series, and the author behind it is bland, boring, and in her attempts to be original, proceeds to do nothing but create a "PG-13" rated harlequin series.

in short, Stephanie Meyer is a talentless hack

Did Anyone Get the Number on That Mack Truck?

2009-07-27T11:55:00.003-05:00

Wow my world went upside down and spent the better part of 12 days getting to some semblence of normalcy. First we moved, then there was a dispute over a laundry machine with the folks who bought my old place, then Baby is born (Victor Ian Phelan Bixby, July 17th) and there is still too much damn unpacking to do.

I may only be a week into this whole parenting gig, but it is fun. I marvel at the little wonder Victor is. My mother and father often marveled at how I grew up so fast and unexpededly, and yet when I see my son, I notice the subtle changes that happen day in and out. his hair going lighter then darker, the change in his eyes, the formation of a personality. he makes me wonder if habits that parents have become instincts for the offspring. even at a week old I see many of my wife's and my mannerisims in him. of course, like Images of Michael Jackson in toast, I could be seeing what I want to see, but it is still fascinating.

the only time I have EVER been this exhausted is after a weekend at Gencon in Indianapolis, and at least that is FUN! now find out my mother is headed to town this week for a four day "meet the grandbaby" excursion, which has me aprehensive as all hell.

I do not have a positive relationship with my mother. over the course of my twenty six years of life it took me this long to realize she was very abusive towards those around her. like many families, my father, myself, and other enabled her, not realizing we were feeding whatever circuit that said her behavior was acceptable. that behavior ultimately led to her leaving my Dad, flooding my kid brother with an abandonment issue, and really putting a final nail in the coffin of maintaining a positive relationship with me.

I am caught now between a rock and hard place. I do not want to prevent her from being a grandmother, but at the same time I can not tolerate her treating my son the way she treated me. and frankly if the rumors floating around her siblings about her second husband are true, I do not want him setting foot in my city ever.

hopefully my life will get back to an acceptable form of "normal" soon.

Moved!

2009-07-14T14:16:00.002-05:00

So yes, it is finally over. as of today at 10 AM I am fully moved into the old place, and the new one is no longer my concern. moving is an experience that I can hardly describe. Traumatic does not fit, but at the same time it is the only word that seems to work. after all the stress, and all of the fuss, I am in a new house surrounded by boxes, and I just want to curl up in bed and wallow for a few days.

There is more work on the hosue to be done, but this week we plan on doing the relativly minor stuff, setting up the nursery and the home theater (which does not have to be extensivly remodeled as it turns out!)and the kitchen are our top priorities. after that is the Modeling studio, and the bedroom, while a professional is handling our major repair issues.

the house warming is in September, see ya then folks.

Cheetos, Toast, and the Man in the Mirror

2009-07-09T10:33:00.001-05:00

I have a simple question.

People have been seeing Michael Jacksons image in doors, trees, walls, on ramps, windows, toast, and even cheetos. people have been calling the reaction silly hallucinations.

at the same time, for CENTURIES, people have seen the image of the Virgin Mary, or Jesus Christ in the same objects. These are miracles, and signs of faith to a lot of people (despite the offical word of the Vatican.)

how are these different. the point is people are seeing what they want to see, and it is all a sign of a weak mind looking for some assurance of a great beyond. We seem to have this need to be comofrted, and to know that this life is not all we have.

I have no desire to shatter such beliefs in people, but it is so much mental masturbation that I can not help but laugh.

Arbiters Movie Reviews: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

2009-07-06T11:06:00.001-05:00

This was the SHIT! So it begins with some meaningless prologue of prehistoric humans being trounced by Robots building some great big THING! I am sure if we had a bunch of people build a great big thing the economy would pick up.

So then we go to China! The home of all Transformers! Army guys hop out, and we are introduced to new characters, there is ARCEE! Who has like three lines, and her TWO MOTORCYCLE FRIENDS, who don’t speak at all?

Weak.

And now some giant pickup truck is carrying soldiers and then… WIZCRACKUMPHAHRUMBLEWHEEE! And IRONHIDE IS BACK, and he can smell someone, despite all the pollution in china.

And now this giant earth mover goes WIZCRACKUMPHAHRUMBLEWHEEE. AND A MASSIVE DECEPTICON goes on a rampage through out china, turning buildings and cars, and highways into stir fry! And then an Audi tries to run away, and no one knows why so IT MUST BE DECEPTICON! And they were right. And this Ice Cream truck and Arcee’s trio of awesomeness pursue, and shoot it up, and then a NEW AUTOBOT shows up and ROLLER BLADEs in Shanghais industrial sector, and slices the Decepticon in HALF.

TAKE THAT POTENTIAL FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! I hear the Audi was named Sideways but it doesn’t matter. Hey wasn’t that two wheeled Decepticon destroying half of China!

And NO ONE CAN TAKE IT DOWN! Finally people call in the big guns and here is OPTIMUS PRIME! But he is on a plane, how can we resolve Optimus in a plane, it is not like he can jump…out… of… the… plane.

That introduction was sheer awesomeness. And PLOT COMMENCES!

Okay I will stop with the plot summary by now. Transformers Revenge of the Fallen was a FUN movie. That is not to say that it was a GOOD movie. It was full of Plot holes, and it suffered from a lack of character development like the last movie. I can not completely and competently rate it without breaking it down.

First characterization. I feel way too much time was spent giving the characters Skids and Mud Flap. There has already been well publicized flak about these two being “racist” robots. I do not see a regressive racial stereotype here per say, but the two do portray an annoying image. I saw a pair of Urban (NOT NESSICARILY BLACK) sixteen year old high school dropouts who joined the army. They seemed to have had no combat experience, despite being soldiers of a self described elite team. And they seemed very uneducated, despite being robots being programmed. With so much time and dialogue spent for two comic relief characters devoted to a lowest common denominator, it was such a waste, when compared to such a rich history of Transformers characters, or even things like the Arcee Triplets Sideswipe and Jolt IN THE MOVIE!

Speaking of Jolt, if you do not recall that name being used, he is the Blue Autobot in the background you first see halfway through the movie, and he doesn’t talk EVER! He seemed to exist only to enable a Climatic Deus Ex Machina. Likewise Sideswipe and Arcee both were underdeveloped. If Skids and Mudflap were replaced with two other Autobots, and the Arcee Triplets and Jolt were escorting the Humans around the film would have been better.

Surprisingly the Decepticons characterization was MUCH better. We got to see great interaction between Megatron and Starscream. This harkens back to the classic cartoon where the two were constantly being at odds. I have heard some complaints about the Soundwave character being under used, and under developed. Once again we must harken back to the Original cartoon. Soundwave was an uncharismatic blue block of Tape Deck, described as a spy and communications expert, the fact that he was parked in orbit and orchestrating the entire Decepticon action from afar seems perfectly in character.

The biggest problem is this Fallen character is a failing of characterization. He was completely unnecessary. He completely sidelines Megatron as Transformers primary villain. Throughout the Transformers universe Megatron was IT, he was bad guy numero uno. Now we have some star wars esque Vader and Emperor relationship. Between the time spent to render and make the Fallen and Hugo Weavings unbelievable salary voicing Megatron, we could have gotten three different secondary but quality Decepticons.

In terms of Plot, I hate it when the story stops in favor of exposition. There are points where I find it acceptable, such as the opening Crawl in Star Wars. But to bring a fill to a screeching halt in order to tell people what is happening screams to me that someone was running out of writing time. Given the writers strike of a year or two ago, I am not surprised if that was ACTUALLY the case. Now keeping in mind that the film is based on a 1980s cartoon that served as a 30 minute commercial for toys, I realize that this film fit perfectly in the 80’s cartoon.

What would have made it better? First off, I would have loved it if at one point, ANY POINT, Megatron betrayed his master. Megatron the lacky is counterintuitive to the entire franchise. In earlier incarnations Megatron had said “I BELONG TO NO ONE!” to an being that tried to command him.

Secondly, I would have to say this, and please Paramount listen. Less Exposition, more characterization. A perfect divergence point for this film would have been where Megatron “Killed” Optimus. Wounded to the point of being pulled into “Stasis Lock” (look it up, it is a Transformers term), he is brought back on life support to Diego Garcia, and the Humans turn on the Autobots. At this point the whole film does not become about the “Sun Crusher” or a great big energon source. Instead it is about the human race at war with all Cybertonions, regardless of their faction, and the attempt to get a relative peace between the Autobots and human race going.

Now for my wishes for the third movie.

Characters- I WANT to see Soundwave engaged in ground action. I said before that his function in this movie was brilliant, but I want to see a Robot Mode all the same.

Skids and Mudflap need to be rotated back to Cyberton and forgotten, and replaced with two other Autobots. I nominate the characters Cliffjumper and Brawn for such a task, though actual mileage may vary. I want to see a lot more Autobots in the background, but instead of being like the generic decepticons in this film, I want them to LOOK like they have vehicular forms.

Finally I want that super Robot, Devastator to come back. Mortally wounded, or just “hey we have a few of these guys” I do not care about the explanation. But he got punked in a manner I do not like. Likewise, Take advantage of the Transformers history, and bring in an autobot analogue. I picture 5 Autobot planes flying in formation (an A-10, F-16, F-18, F-15, and either a B1, B2, or C-17) combining in midair and landing as a super robot. At the same time, unlike this recent film, I want to see the components as their own robots functioning independently as a team.

For Decepticon Characters, lets bring in a few of the more amazing ones. The character Shockwave being reintroduced into the universe as Megatrons “enforcer” would be wonderful. I would also like to see Starscream commanding a team of two other jets, like Arcee and her motorcycles. Give those two jets names on screen, and a couple lines of military dialogue, and you got a good thing. Above all make the decepticons effectual, something that was lacked in the last film

Finally for human interaction, after two films, I think we can lower the human side a bit. Give Sam and Mikela like 20 minutes and then ride them into the sunset, Keep other Humans as far away as possible, and have the only humans with any extended screen time be Josh Dumhal and Tyrese Gibson. The idea of a Team of Human Military Liasons is a great plot point, and could be exploited much better.

Final Rating for Transformers Revenge of the Fallen. As a Transformers fan I want to give it a High Rating, but as a film buff, that rathing is Crippled. I will give it 3 out of 5 energon Cubes total. If split I would give 5 of 5 for action and fun, and 2 of 5 for writing.

House buying

2009-07-02T09:59:00.003-05:00

We did it, somehow we pulled off the deal. My Wife and I close on the house next Friday. The best thing about it is that the deal was on life support for a couple of weeks. After we had an inspector kick the tires of this house, and a contractor give an estimate of how much the cost of repair would be, we went back to the seller.

this is the part of the negotiations where we ask them to fix stuff or the deal is off. well as it turns out he now lives in Maui, so he can not fix stuff. so we say "fine lower the price."

his response "I can't." my jaw hit the fucking floor at that point. as fate would have it he was just barely making enough money from our sale to pay off the mortgage, and he had no extra personal funds to lower the price of his own accord. basically the guy was broke, and when we stumbled across him, he was a step shy of foreclosure.

in my personal correspondence to the seller of this house he said he was shocked and saddened by then inspection report, and regretted turning the home into a rental (which is a direct cause of most of the damage to the house). easily forgiven. my solution was to have him turn to family. Beg, borrow, and steal, pass the collection plate at church, and cash in whatever hidden away investments he had. if he wanted to keep the deal alive, I would need at least a certain percentage of the repair costs covered.

low and behold the SOB came through.

once again, I have to emphasize, this process of buying a house is not for the weak of heart. you have to be tough, keep your options open, and be willing to make compromises. sometimes you will get fucked over by things that are completely beyond your control. other times houses that you thought were "it" turns out to be junk after the inspection. Other times you just find completely inflexible sellers. the current buzzword in this economy is "as is" where a seller is unwilling to make repairs. so many listings I have had to go through have had this phrase in their listing.

Warts and all should apply to relationships with people, not with homes.

anyway, we close next week, and we are going to move in over the weekend, followed by renovations. let the next chapter begin.

Stay renters folks

Iran

2009-06-23T09:44:00.003-05:00

So wow! Time for me to get political despite my better judgment. Iranian Citizens are rising up and saying the election was a scam. everyone in the whole wide world knows it is, but this time people actually care about it. so now a large group of pissed off civilians are scaring the shit out of those in power. this is how a government should run, Governments need to fear their people.

Now here at home President Obama is getting a lot of Flak because he is not speaking out strongly against the allegedly fraudulent election. I find myself on a side not openly supporting the president, but at the same time sees a good reason for silence. It is not self indulgence or a willingness to let evil prosper, as some commentators have claimed.

the reason we have been so hands off in support for the populist dissent in that nation is to permit this movement to maintain its own ownership. if the President Speaks out in support, the Ayatollah will use that as an excuse to blame America for this dissent. it is the same thing that has happened for nearly three decades. The Nation has been brought to near collapse because the United States DID at one point meddle in Iran's internal affairs, specifically the Iran/Iraq War. truth told, in the incident we played both sides for fools, and neither has quite forgiven us for it.

the united states has a larger misunderstanding about the Nation called Iran however. it is one that has plagued us for most of the 20th century. We see Islam as an Arabic religion, so all Muslims must be Arabs as well. Iran is a Persian land however, just as Egypt is it's own region. The cultural differences between Persians and Arabs are just as wide as the cultural differences between the United States and China.

It is similar to General Patton's assessment of our inability to understand the Soviet Union, because we insisted on treating them as European, when the large quantity of Soviets were Asian.

the sooner we realize that we need to adjust our perspective on these people, the sooner we can get along with them without having to actually apologize for sins of the past.

Falling blocks

2009-06-12T08:42:00.003-05:00

Two of my favorite tings are celebrating their 25th anniversary this year. the first is Battletech, a Game of Armored combat. the other is Tetris.

Tetris was perhaps the greatest invention to come out of the Soviet Union, after the Automat Kalashnikov model 1947. it was created by a mathematician, Alexey Leonidovich Pajitnov in 1984. though popular rumor is that it was made on an oscilloscope, it was in fact made on a Russian Elektronika 60 mainframe terminal. being the soviet union, the government claimed ownership of the software, and sold the publishing rights on the cheap, leaving Alexy with no royalties. The result of this caused Alexy and his friend and co worker to move to the United States, where he was honestly shocked that his simple "exercise the brain" program was a smash hit, and little children were playing it on Game Boys with an expertise many adults could not match.

it is estimated that over 70 million copies of the game Tetris have been sold in one format or another, and it can be argued that the Game Boy, which originally came with a copy of Tetris, was made the leading platform by the game. It has been ported, and made to freeware on several systems, and even been played on the side of skyscrapers.

The Music is just as timeless. the Original Game boy version used a Russian folk tune called Korobeiniki, as well as "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Faeries" and Bach's "French Suite no 3."

my personal opinion as to the success of Tetris is that for a puzzle game, it does not end. there is no clock, no goal, it is a race against yourself to last as long as possible. even mathematicians have stated that eventually even with reflexes bordering on precognition, the nature of the game itself prevents you from playing indefinitely. yet this makes it easy to compete, not only against friends, but yourself. that such a competitive piece of software came from the Soviets is nearly miraculous.

I for one, plan on celebrating this wonderful game with a glass of vodka and my circa 1986 gameboy (still functions!). everyone else should at least play the classic, and raise a glass to our comrade Alexy, now living in hawaii, for starting an international phenominon

Nerd Cave

2009-06-11T09:13:00.003-05:00

So the wife and I have made an offer on a new place to live. in terms of layout it is absolutely perfect for us. the basement is expansive and it is large for the X-01 and us, and maybe an X-02 (though we are going to be waiting a few years before that happens)

Jennifer's and my relationship and now marriage has been unique in the fact that I have always had most of the stuff. so fundamentally, while living together we have always lived in a bachelor pad of sorts. it seems like this is not going to change much, but since we are both nerds, with similar tastes it matters little.

we are going to make an attempt at a "more grown up" place for most of this new house. the master Bedroom, Office, and Basement will be where the nerdness lies. it is specifically the basement that we are focusing on.

There are three rooms down there, each with what will be a most excellent focus to them. the first room is thin and long, with a tile floor and stainless steel sinks in it. Perfect for our model painting (yes she paints them too) already we are looking at how to properly equip it for such a purpose.

the second room is a small (painfully so) home theater. in the era of HD televisions I know that the cabinet that was built into the wall will be demolished and replaced. a floor to ceiling DVD case installed and a stereo surround system connected. the ability to play Xbox in full surround is a pleasure I have yet to experience, and it will be awesome.

the third room , directly off the second, is a full fledged bar. now I am going to have to rotate the bar itself 90 degrees, but other then that I have this full empty space that I can do almost anything with. what will happen to it, I do not know. Pictures will be placed on a photobucket page, and then my plans to dominate the world will take effect.

Stay tuned children!

House Crap

2009-06-03T12:26:00.002-05:00

Seven days, Our House was on the market a grand total of seven days, and it sold. in this market that has to be a god-damned record. We Close in August, which means a few social plans I have will not be derailed, thank goodness.

now we have to find a house to live in after closing though. Mrs A and I will be looking at places today that are in our top 3. I plan on making an offer on one of them, just to get it out of the way.

for those not in the know, buying a house is a lot like bidding in an auction. you NEVER offer what the seller is asking for. depending on how things are going, you offer a small but substantial discount. some will say 15% lower, some 10%, my agent says 5, I call him a wuss. then it is a bunch of haggeling back and forth before you and the seller come to an agreed upon price. then the fun starts.

see even though you agree on a price the place is not sold yet. you hire a house inspector to "kick the tires" and see if there are structural, wiring, plumbing defects, stuff that is dangerous. the kind of crap people hide with a fresh coat of paint. like Chinese Drywall.

after the inspection you get a list of "crap that should be fixed before you move in. you go to the seller and say "not only do I have to pay for the place, but I have to spend W dollars to fix X, Y, and Z. so I say either you fix it, or you discount the price to fix it off of the sales price."

depending on how desperate people are to sell they may agree or they may tell you to buzz off.

wash rinse repeat until a final price is agreed on and SOLD the home is yours. the process is not for the weak willed or faint of heart. I would also say it is not for the arrogant or bored. it can best be described as a poker game. you bluff, up the ante, and try not to blink or sweat.

I got the person to buy my house to blink, and he was sweating. Time for phase II. more to come later

Role Players

2009-05-29T10:44:00.003-05:00

when playing video games there are a few constants in my life. I love going back and popping in an oldie but goodie, sometimes I just need to blow stuff up, and other times, I prefer hacking and whacking like Butcher Pete and his long sharp pen-errrrr knife.

rarely ever though do I want to get immersed in some mystical far off land of prissy elves, racist humans, and isolationist dwarfs, and idiot orks. The Era of steel blades and chainmail just flat do not do it for me. I did not enjoy playing Final Fantasy 1 at all, and Dragon Warrior... forget it.

Later in life I went back to these oldies because I forced my way through more modern RPGs, but there is still a huge problem with them.

Magic. call it what you will, but every role playing video game has Magic of some sort. Some kind of ability that turns ordinary people into gods among men. even in Sci Fi oriented games like Parasite Eve there was magic (mitohondial Powers). and it is a crutch that you can not ignore in order to complete the game.

Fallout 2 was the first RPG game I came across that had no magic per say in it, and it was a wonderful experience. Only equipment and training mattered. the post apocolyptic science fiction setting was welcome as well. I would love to see more such games with a set up. level building to invovle "getting better" at stuff, great equipment, an immersive story, but no Magic system. that includes the Force for you KOTOR fans, and Parasite energy for the PE club.

I want to keep my RPGs real.

David Souter

2009-05-05T11:27:00.001-05:00

Oh, damn, holy crap, Barack Obama is not even a year into his term and he gets to appoint a justice to the Supreme Court. And Legions of so called conservatives are shaking in their boots because “he will pick a liberal justice.” OF COURSE HE WILL YOU FUCK-TARDS. Liberal politician, liberal appointees. This is what happens when a party sweeps an election cycle, and the Conservative party in my country has had that free ride for eight gods damned years and squandered it like a kid in a baseball card store.

I am sick and tired of hearing this fear with David Souter’s retirement. First David Souter, while appointed by a republican president, was not exactly a strictly conservative judge. Souter was a champion for personal liberty and responsibility. If a case had to do with Government vs. people, he generally sided with the people. This in my mind made him a very conservative judge, as he was a check on federal power. I would like to see his successor in a similar vein.

Case in point is the infamous Planned Parenthood v. Casey trial, which was a challenge to the Pennsylvania Abortion Control Act in 1992. The States argument was poor, and part of it was a direct request to overturn Roe V Wade. Souter wrote that Roe v. Wade should not be overturned because it would be surrender to political pressure... So to overrule under fire in the absence of the most compelling reason to re-examine a watershed decision would subvert the Court's legitimacy beyond any serious question.”

Long Story short, he was not going to vote to overturn a ruling based on the sole argument of being asked nicely.

The most distressing part about this appointment coming up is the expectations of the people. Again, it was not until about a quarter of a century ago that nobody even cared about Supreme Court nominations. The average vote by the senate for approval was in the nineties, and in pre vote hearings, often times nominees did not even show up. It was not until Ronald Regan’s nomination of Sandra Day O’Conner that such a practice became commonplace, and damned the nomination of Robert Bork in 1987.

I wander around my workplace and I am surprised to see how many people think that the High Court in this country actually has to answer to some other federal agency. Buzz Words and talking points like Judicial Activism arise, as though to accuse the Courts of trying to legislate from their seats.

The Supreme Court was set up as a third equal and separate branch of federal power, not as a division of the Department of Justice. They are an island, and through the constitution act as the final, almighty and ever present arbiter of what is and is not law in this land. The Marbury v Madison case opinion perfectly outlines this.

“It is emphatically the province and duty of the Judicial Department to say what the law is. Those who apply the rule to particular cases must, of necessity, expound and interpret that rule. If two laws conflict with each other, the Courts must decide on the operation of each.
So, if a law be in opposition to the Constitution, if both the law and the Constitution apply to a particular case, so that the Court must either decide that case conformably to the law, disregarding the Constitution, or conformably to the Constitution, disregarding the law, the Court must determine which of these conflicting rules governs the case. This is of the very essence of judicial duty. If, then, the Courts are to regard the Constitution, and the Constitution is superior to any ordinary act of the Legislature, the Constitution, and not such ordinary act, must govern the case to which they both apply.
Those, then, who controvert the principle that the Constitution is to be considered in court as a paramount law, are reduced to the necessity of maintaining that courts must close their eyes on the Constitution, and see only the law.
This doctrine would subvert the very foundation of all written constitutions.”
I think that the best nominee would be one who would hold to that ideal very closely, criticisms of activism be damned.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Trailer Recap....

2009-05-01T14:51:00.002-05:00

so it starts out "Bumblebee, you are to dumb for college! And then here mom proves SHE is to dumb for College, and Dad is to CHEAP for college, so only the annoying kid from the first movie goes.

And then you ask yourself “is Meghan Fox wearing Panties ion that shot? I don’t think she is. Can not quite see….. NONONONONONO DON’T GET UP!”

And then it is the annoying kid again and he drops the last chunk of that rubiks cube. And then it becomes a discovery channel special on Egypt, or Cyberton I do not know. HOLY CRAP IS THAT A FACE!

And then same starts writing on the chalk board, and stabbing the ground and then you hear Optimus Prime?

HOLY CRAP IT IS OPTIMUS PIRME! HOW DID THEY GET HIM BACK? His contract after the first movie had to be outrageous!

And he goes “I have not been honest with you Sam” is that the kids name? I never really cared. And He Goes “it is not my war” which makes me think he is going to die! Wait a second, wasn’t stuff blowing up by now?

BOOM BAM BANG thumpthumpthumpthump

Ah there we go, all better now.

Stuff is always better with explosions. WAIT WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? It looks like a Decepticon on a unicycle. EXTREME UNICYLING IS AWESOME! Yes it is a real sport. Or it should be.

And now we see bumblebee has two friends, I hope they die. I miss Jazz. And then that guy from the usual suspects ask that kid “does this look familiar?” and plot tries to get in the way of a good trailer.

And then we are underwater, and four big Decepticons surround Megatron. And one of them is HUGE, like just as big as Megatron. And on the third year MEGATRON SHALL RISE FROM THE ABYSS! And he looks like he has taken steroids! He was huge as it was but now…. Holy crap he is huge! And he has a really big gun and every thing and he sneaks up on this girl.

HOW CAN YOU MISS A 30 FOOT TALL ROBOT!? ARE YOU BLIND?

But now it is back to the trailer. BANBG, BOOM, ZAAAAAAP, KECEWL, ZOOM, VROOM!

Crying and ownage, and that stupid kid is in a flying audi. I think it was thrown. Please die kid. Or get arrested at Walgreens again.

And opttimus gets in the fray, dueling up on blades like Samuel L Jackson. But he gets pwned. And then “Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.”

And a bunch of scenes flash and then……

WHAT THE HOLY JESUS BLUE FUCKING MONKEY CHRIST IS THAT????

There she is, Miss Dumbass

2009-04-30T10:22:00.003-05:00

So a lot of hullaballo was raised last week that Miss California was set up by a gay man from California in the Q&A section, with a question she could not answer correctly about gay marriage .

I would like to present to you her original and unedited answer to the question "Should every state allow same sex marriage?"

"I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and my family I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anyone out there but that's how I was raised and that's how I think it should be between a man and a woman."

Forget what she was talking about for a second. The Syntax of her statement was horrible, she seemed selfish and arogant, and she blindly trampled over the hot button issue of sexuality being a choice or not which was not the context of the question.

Basically she sounded like a dumb, rich, blond bitch from California.

I would like to present to you what she should have said, and what would have gotten her the title.

Marriage occupies a unique and contradictory place in the culture of the United States of America. Almost universally marriage is a religious institution, yet the federal state and local governments all have legal definitions of marriage. The fact that many of these definitions strictly follow the Judeo-Christian definition may or may not be a violation of the establishment clause of the First Amendment of the constitution of the United States of America.

I was raised in a strictly devout Christian household, and my faith prevents me from personally endorsing same-sex marriage. There are several religions and religious sects however who will recognize same sex couples. Since I am not a member of any of these groups I feel I have no say as to what the legitimacy of their rites are.

While I do not agree that Same Sex couples should be allowed to marry within my own faith, I do think that if government in this country is going to continue to recognize marriage in the form of licenses and tax benefits, that those benefits should be non discriminatory, provided that the marriage ceremony is performed in an established house of God within good standing of that religions hierarchy.

a little wordy, and it might violate time standards in the competition. but it sounds intelligent, and neatly sidesteps the issue of personal beliefs over policy.

Now as for Parez Hilton, not related to Paris as I found out, he was an ass-hat anyway. This openly gay man makes a living on invading the personal lives of celebrities and trying to find out if they are gay or not. he has an impressive record of outing people against their will. For evidence I would recommend logging onto his blog and doing a search for CNN anchor "Anderson Cooper."

I understand WHY he asked the same sex marraige question. He has a personal stake in it and California, in the top 5 of most liberal states in the union is among the states that led this push towards permitting gay people to wed. so asking a Californian about the issue may make a certain amount of sense. it does not change the fact though that we are asking a beauty queen a political question. this is a crew that for nearly a century has been famous for giving six year old answers to thousand year old problems. Asking for a coherent opinion is like asking for a hand job from someone with no hands. it JUST DOES NOT HAPPEN!

my simple sollution to this horrible misunderstanding is that we remove the Q&A section all together. I want to stare at babes in bikini's, watch them do cool useless shit, and be poised. I do not want to hear these little girls talk.

All of the has happened before....

2009-04-28T12:19:00.005-05:00

http://news.spong.com/gateway?Games+Addiction+Researcher+Admits+%22I+Made+an+Error%22/%2Farticle%2F17790%2FGames_Addiction_Researcher_Admits_I_Made_an_Error

People with an agenda trying to do research to suit their needs. Jack Thompson probably spooged his shorts when he read this paper initially.

This has always been a great frustration for me as a gamer. People want to see video games as a child's toy, instead of as a legitimate entertainment form like theater, cinema, and television. Since the days of the Magnavox Odyssey in 1972 There has been a niche market of adults that has gotten progressively bigger. the reason why is that children who were playing Colecovision, Intellivision, Atari, the Sega Master System, or Nintendo grew up and continued to game.

and what is the number one criticism. "well video games are just escapism"

Yes, of course they are. just like reading a book, or watching a movie. Video games are at least slightly more constructive then either format, because you control the circumstances. you as a player get to determine the path that the stories protagonist take.

Gaming is a culture, and just because some idiots out there do not agree with it does not mean it does not have a right to exist.

I am owed about 3,000 apologoies by my count

2009-04-14T15:21:00.002-05:00

The News story in USA TODAY came, and it is wonderfull.

I have refered to myself as a victim of the Columbine shootings since 2002. Upon self reflection of the circumstances, I realized that the events that took place in Littleton Colorado in 1999 stirred a national panic, and every slightly odd boy and girl in grades Pre-K through 12 was now considered a bomb threat.

I was that slightly odd boy. I played Video games like Doom and Duke Nukem, I loved computers and read whatever was placed in front of me. I studied seven different religons holy text and interpreted all of them. I played board games that required dice with more then six faces. I saw Ballistics as the ultimate expression of Physics, I studied World War II like it was a Religion. I knew how to make various implements of harm out of homemade objects, as well as ingenious devices that could be helpful in a stretch. in the 1980s I would have been refered to as a little MacGuyver. At Bishop Miege High School I was a ticking time bomb.

It was horrible treatment by my fellow students. most wanted nothing to do with me at that point. Others sought to egg me on. Time however has taught me paitence, and thanks to this article, I stand vindicated. I hope that at the very least my entire graduating class reads this article, and understands. I hope they understand that what happened to me by those who sought to prevent another Columbine was a crime, and it is not one that can be prosecuted or repaid.

I am happy to see the back of that school, and I will only look at it again to see it bulldozed to the ground after I bought it.

I are adult now?

2009-04-09T13:30:00.003-05:00

Buying a house is an interesting experience. My first forray into home ownership and its consequences was 4 years ago. I found out that my grandfather had left me a substantial amount of investments from when he passed away many many moons ago. so my apartment search ended and my house search began. being shown places and not liking them, real estate listing piling up like oh so many leaning towers, the small mountain of mortgage paperwork... fun times by all.

eventually I settled into the nest I have now. My girlfriend, now wife, moved in with me shortly after. It is a Great condo, four bedrooms, nice living space, and enough electrical outlets to power my modern life. but with the X-01 on the way (our nickname for the incoming baby) we realized that a vertically oriented house, surrounded by old fogies, and in our area is not a good place for an infant.

So I called the relator I went to last time. and he looks at our place and reccomends a lot of clean up work, including but not limited too putting away all of my Battletech Minis. *sigh...* and so we go about cleaning our place. So we go about, boxing up a shit ton of our "fun stuff" My aforementioned Minis, lots of toy collections, porn, Jenny's Altar, porcelin dolls spare computers, DVDs we do not plan on watching in the next 12 months, old files etc. We are also taking the time to ebay or donate stuff we do not want any more, which is good as it contributes less to the clutter we have.

repairs are not easy either. in the past six weeks I have spent close to $4,000 dollars on projects that needed to get done. from repainting to carpet cleaning to fixing trim and sealing cracks. it is not fun, but that nightmare is almost done.

Now we have to look at places. I admit I am spoiled. I grew up in precisely one house. I lived in it from when I was 3 years old to the day I moved out in 2005. so I am spoiled a bit. I expect a lot of open space, rooms with utility and purpose. so I see these houses and say "hey, that has a lot of space." and when we take the tour I am shocked by the photography tricks. Another issue is the general state of disrepair places are in when the owners are gone.

and as for the mortgage paperwork.... oh fuck me running! when I first bought my place in 2005, money was flowing like freaking ethonol (65% less viscous then water) now a days it seems more like molasses. Calling different banks up, some say yes ,some no. some will give you this outrageously high rate, others so low you have to ask "is this a 30 year rate? or did you just give me an ARM?"

and the yes's and no's change almost weekly, it sucks.

the home buying journey continues. our place is going to go on the market by months end. then the dance of negotiations begin.... more coming soon

Here is a thought...

2009-04-07T14:31:00.000-05:00

I thought a thought that I thought I had thought but the thought that I had thought wasn't the thought that I had thought I had thought so maybe if I had thought the thought that I thought I thought I wouldn't of thought so much. Any thoughts?

Customer service

2009-04-05T21:03:00.002-05:00

I had a recent experience at the drive thru that irritated me. it was not the setting that bothered me, but the experience in general. I am at the Chik Fil A, and I am paying and the dude says

"do you want some sauce, man?"

excuse me? I may be a man, but in this situation where I am a paying customer, I believe "sir" is the proper verbage. Believe me, I understand working in a customer service. I worked for two years taking claims with a Life Insurance company. Choking up Sirs and Ma'ams to people who I did not want to deal with, at the worst moment of their lives, was not an overly pleasant experience.

so Mr. Drive thru, it is not to hard to ask that you address all customers as sir.

"all right man, see ya" he says

which brings me to "thank you, come again"

Issue Number one can take a new number

2009-03-31T15:22:00.003-05:00

I hate abortion....

now before I get pro choice folks on my ass let me elaborate. I hate the ISSUE of abortion. It is a meaningless, pointless debate. I say this as a future father, in a country with an economy in the toilet, free speech constantly under attack by our government and our peers, war, strife, disease, poverty, and the Icecapades... I just do not see how and why this issue is the on e thing that will sway the vote of so many individuals.

The issue of abortion and its legality in this country is a distraction, and one that has been exploited by both political parties since the 1960s. there is some sort of delicious irony that the Republican party, who has an undeserved reputation of being uncaring about the poor, constantly wanting to wage war and kill criminals, is on the pro life side; and the Democratic Party who is known irresponsibly for being a peace loving humanitarian lot, favor a position that arguably eliminates human life.

and there foot soldiers in this little "culture war"... I do not care what side of the debate I look at, I see a bunch of rabid, dry eyed, shuffling idiots who drool out talking points without bothering to research what they believe. sometimes it is religious, sometimes political, very rarely you will find someone who knows two things about ethics, and forms their opinion on that.

Yet not one person, on either side of this 40 year old poo-flinging, can explain to me how permitting or denying Suzie Q. Knockedup to terminate an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy is a national emergency, worthy of IMMEDIATE action by my nations federal government above all other concerns. Not one.

It is not that I do not care about the issue. I have my own opinions and beliefs, and I keep them to myself. I do not demand people remain silent on the issue either. what I ask is some logic and reason behind why you believe the way you believe.

the world of my Geekery

2009-03-26T09:27:00.004-05:00

My Wife and I found out we are going to have an evil genius....

oh wait you wanted the sex? We are having a boy.

on a less Serious note, I wanted to tell a story. I am a video gamer. I have been as long as I can remember. the funniest thing about my video game experience is that I was prescribed, by my pediatrician, a Nintendo. people always find it hard to believe, I know. but is true

when I was four years old, I was having difficulty with hand eye coordination and fine motor skills. I held chalk like Mr Bates held a knife, and I could draw rain... and that was about it. My parents were worried because I would not color or paint in Pre-school as a result. I am sure some kids made fun of me, and that was why,m but I honestly can not remember.

so Dr. Miller told them that a a good half hour playing Nintendo would probably help develop those motor skills, and he wrote on his prescription form "1 Nintendo, Super Mario Brothers"

22 years later, my handwriting still sucks, but I can probably kick your ass in Halo ;)

I am sure my love of Electronic entertainment is not unique, though I hope my method of entry is. Ever since though I have had a passion for the games. early on though I found a great deal of them frusterating. I could not get past the water level in Mario, games like Karate, Excite Bike, and Golf could not hold my interest for lack of understanding the controls. and as for Top Gun... can anyone really land that plane?

No, I was not truly hooked until my dad bought a 2 pack of games from Capcom. Megaman 1 and 2. now Megaman 1 was an absolute beast to get through... even today let alone when I was 6. My dad and I made it our personal Mission to beat 2 however, it was that game that convinced my dad to get a subscription to Nintendo Power Magazine, and one of the FEW times we called into the Nintendo tips hot-line.

Time has passed, Systems of come and gone. I can say I have owned every single Nintendo System at one point in my life. I even have a Vitural Boy locked in a briefcase in a closet somewhere. I spend time online with my friend Pete, or with my Wife playing two player stuff, and some nights, there is nothing like a cold beer and some heavy action game. And to think, it all started with a prescription.

Fat Bottomed Girls....

2009-03-16T13:48:00.000-05:00

Laura Ingraham, who I respect as a pundit and speech writer, was knocked down a few notches. The toothpick queen of the far-conservative talk show cabal blasted the daughter of Arizona Senator John McCain as “a Valley Girl gone awry” and a “plus-sized model.”

Meghan McCain is my personal hero. Here is a young girl raised in the Republican Party who has the metaphorical balls to want to stay in the party, fix it, and challenge the orthodoxy. Her response to Ingraham... “Kiss my fat ass!”

Ingraham later stated that Meghan McCain needed to learn how to deal with “satire and Teasing.”

My Bullshit detector broke from that sentence. Lesson number one children, is the definition of the word satire. From Wikipedia

“Satire is often strictly defined as a literary genre or form; although, in practice, it is also found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, human or individual vices, follies, abuses, or shortcomings are held up to censure by means of ridicule, derision, burlesque, irony, or other methods, ideally with the intent to bring about improvement. Although satire is usually meant to be funny, the purpose of satire is not primarily humor in itself so much as an attack on something of which the author strongly disapproves, using the weapon of wit.

A very common, almost defining feature of satire is its strong vein of irony or sarcasm, but parody, burlesque, exaggeration, juxtaposition, comparison, analogy, and double entendre are all frequently used in satirical speech and writing. The essential point, however, is that "in satire, irony is militant". This "militant irony" (or sarcasm) often professes to approve the very things the satirist actually wishes to attack”

By Definition, Laura Ingraham did not perform satire. This woman, who has never been above a size 3 in her life, blatantly made fun of a young woman’s weight in order to bring her down personally and publically. While an effective tactic to the weak willed, and certainly not one a censure, it is only something left to those who have no other avenue of disassembling another’s argument. Meghan McCain’s mass is a red herring, and a poor one at that. Maybe I am alone here, but I prefer women who have shape to them. When placed next to conservative sex symbols like Anne Coulter and Laura Ingraham, I would want to hand a sandwich to these two old maids and tell them to have a beer or two on me.

Yet again I see this as a sign that Republicans need to move away from certain things. Economic conservatism is a great platform, and it has its place. But when religious and media Cabals sunk their teeth into the party, all it became about were guns, gays, abortion, with mere lip service to those core values. Now we find ourselves in an economic crisis because those core values were traded away, and it was one group of schmucks spending plan versus another group of schmucks spending plan.

Republicans need to learn to reap what they sow. What were sown was an economic collapse, and the people pulling hard enough in the opposite direction that this country will have to look like Sweden for a while in order for it to be fixed. In the meantime the party of economic conservatism needs to shed the religiously conservative values that have served as nothing but a distraction for the past twenty years. Do that and a good strong party will be ready to take on democrats, and the nation can be more balanced again.

The pain of working the family farm

2009-03-13T14:46:00.003-05:00

I work for a family business. Hey it's true, and with this economy I am clinging for dear life. one of the worst parts of working for a family owned business though, particularly how large this one is, is seeing people you know, respect, and even call friend, get fired.

That happened to me for the fourth time in my life. and I listen to my immediate colleagues talk about it, and how "deserved" it might have been I feel infuriated. Some bean counter in this company of a couple hundred decided that this position could be eliminated... it was not deserved, no matter how much vindictive pleasure some fuck sticks might feel.

Gods, some days I wish I worked somewhere else...

Pregnancy Can Lead to Violent Outbursts

2009-03-11T13:55:00.000-05:00

My Wife is pregnant, due in August. The prospect of becoming a father is scary enough as is, and other people only make it worse. For the past four months, if I have not been bombarded with congratulations from people I can barely fucking remember, I am given stories anecdotes and parenting advice.

Just what I need… parenting advice from mediocre parents. You know who has given me the best parenting advice so far? My buddy Jazz, by that I mean he slapped me on the back, said “welcome to the club, you are fucked,” and handed me a beer. Of course the worst parenting advice I have been given has come from my own parents… I know how their advice turns out, and I am not impressed.

It has been worse for MrsArbiter. Since she is starting to show people have been rubbing her belly, and been flowing with their self important bullshit. It has given her fits of homicidal rage where she actually has managed to kick my ass in Battletech and Halo recently. It makes me want to turn her into the She Hulk of pro gaming.

So I must plead with you, my fellow miscreants. Do your preggy friends a favor. If she is past the first trimester, stop offering congratulations, stop telling stories, and stop giving out unsolicited advice. Offer support and encouragement, well wishes, and beer.

If you really want to do something for new parents, offer them money, cause I am finding out how just expensive kids can be.

Personal pet peve

2009-03-10T13:45:00.004-05:00

I have this thing. Maybe the title lies, because it is not a pet peeve, so much as a psychotic hatred. I dislike it when people try to control what I say. Now I could be an asshole and delve into the political, constitutional issue of why you should not try to control or limit a persons speech. that is a rant for another day, and it steps beyond my PERSONAL purview. I am more interested when people personally try to alter my speech patterns.

let me outline this for you, by telling a story children.

It was the spring of 2002 or 2003. I was strolling downtown Columbia Missouri, enjoying the early warm weather, when a man walks up to me.

"Hi there, can you tell me how I can get to Brady Commons?" the man asks

"query/directions; University of Missouri student recreation center. 5 blocks north: 1/2 block east" my brain processes and I say

"oh sure, go strait up this ...."

I am interrupted

"please don't say that, I never would go strait. Tell me to go gayly forward." the man says. I wish to whatever Gods or Demons are in charge of this plane that I was kidding. GAYLY FORWARD.

"ERROR, ERROR, ERROR. reboot, rootcommand/access archive.repeatlastcommand" brain says

"err... OK, well you just go strait..."

"I told you I NEVER go strait"

"ERROR, ERROR, ERROR,. reboot, rootcommand/ access self-defense protocol. Select Lefthook. Run."

*POW*

asshole got what he deserved.

sorry ladies and gentlemen, that is the way it is with me. if I get my facts wrong, I will correct myself, if I screw up grammar, I apologise, correct myself and move on. BUT, when there are things like semantics involved, I get pissed off at you to the point where I can justify knocking you to the pavement. in this case this guy insists on me not saying the word strait, in order to protect his gay sensibilities. Again I must emphasize I am not making this up.

If you are gay that is fine. but if you get offended by the mere word strait, which has been in written language just as long as the word gay, then you have a major sensibility issue that needs to be addressed. that kind of crap does not even fall under political correctness, since a DIRECTION is not something that should be applied as a label to a person.

same thing applies to the Infamous Seven things you can not say on television. If I use the words Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cock-sucker, Mother-Fucker, or Tits, that should be my prerogative. believe it or not I try not to use such words whimsically. but if I spew an expletive from my mouth for whatever reason, the last thing that should happen in this great land is for another person to tell me NOT to use whatever language I see fit.

of course, that is just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Welcome to Arbitration, the only Blog that knows better, but does not care!

2009-03-10T11:18:00.000-05:00

Hello Internet land! My name is JPArbiter and I have been an opinionated toss-pot for close to 20 of my 26 years on this planet. I previously held a Blog over on "Emo-space", and plan on transferring content down here.

Here at Arbitration you can expect to find me commenting on stuff that tickles me. this can be good tickles, or this can be very bad tickles. I may get political on occasion, and you have the right to disagree with me if you please.

other times I may make a post that makes absolutely no sense at all, such as discussing the checkers match i had with my Rice Krispees.

whatever is posted I do hope you enjoy. So strap yourselves in. it is time to get wet.