Arbiters Movie Reviews: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

This was the SHIT! So it begins with some meaningless prologue of prehistoric humans being trounced by Robots building some great big THING! I am sure if we had a bunch of people build a great big thing the economy would pick up.

So then we go to China! The home of all Transformers! Army guys hop out, and we are introduced to new characters, there is ARCEE! Who has like three lines, and her TWO MOTORCYCLE FRIENDS, who don’t speak at all?

Weak.

And now some giant pickup truck is carrying soldiers and then… WIZCRACKUMPHAHRUMBLEWHEEE! And IRONHIDE IS BACK, and he can smell someone, despite all the pollution in china.

And now this giant earth mover goes WIZCRACKUMPHAHRUMBLEWHEEE. AND A MASSIVE DECEPTICON goes on a rampage through out china, turning buildings and cars, and highways into stir fry! And then an Audi tries to run away, and no one knows why so IT MUST BE DECEPTICON! And they were right. And this Ice Cream truck and Arcee’s trio of awesomeness pursue, and shoot it up, and then a NEW AUTOBOT shows up and ROLLER BLADEs in Shanghais industrial sector, and slices the Decepticon in HALF.

TAKE THAT POTENTIAL FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! I hear the Audi was named Sideways but it doesn’t matter. Hey wasn’t that two wheeled Decepticon destroying half of China!

And NO ONE CAN TAKE IT DOWN! Finally people call in the big guns and here is OPTIMUS PRIME! But he is on a plane, how can we resolve Optimus in a plane, it is not like he can jump…out… of… the… plane.

That introduction was sheer awesomeness. And PLOT COMMENCES!

Okay I will stop with the plot summary by now. Transformers Revenge of the Fallen was a FUN movie. That is not to say that it was a GOOD movie. It was full of Plot holes, and it suffered from a lack of character development like the last movie. I can not completely and competently rate it without breaking it down.

First characterization. I feel way too much time was spent giving the characters Skids and Mud Flap. There has already been well publicized flak about these two being “racist” robots. I do not see a regressive racial stereotype here per say, but the two do portray an annoying image. I saw a pair of Urban (NOT NESSICARILY BLACK) sixteen year old high school dropouts who joined the army. They seemed to have had no combat experience, despite being soldiers of a self described elite team. And they seemed very uneducated, despite being robots being programmed. With so much time and dialogue spent for two comic relief characters devoted to a lowest common denominator, it was such a waste, when compared to such a rich history of Transformers characters, or even things like the Arcee Triplets Sideswipe and Jolt IN THE MOVIE!

Speaking of Jolt, if you do not recall that name being used, he is the Blue Autobot in the background you first see halfway through the movie, and he doesn’t talk EVER! He seemed to exist only to enable a Climatic Deus Ex Machina. Likewise Sideswipe and Arcee both were underdeveloped. If Skids and Mudflap were replaced with two other Autobots, and the Arcee Triplets and Jolt were escorting the Humans around the film would have been better.

Surprisingly the Decepticons characterization was MUCH better. We got to see great interaction between Megatron and Starscream. This harkens back to the classic cartoon where the two were constantly being at odds. I have heard some complaints about the Soundwave character being under used, and under developed. Once again we must harken back to the Original cartoon. Soundwave was an uncharismatic blue block of Tape Deck, described as a spy and communications expert, the fact that he was parked in orbit and orchestrating the entire Decepticon action from afar seems perfectly in character.

The biggest problem is this Fallen character is a failing of characterization. He was completely unnecessary. He completely sidelines Megatron as Transformers primary villain. Throughout the Transformers universe Megatron was IT, he was bad guy numero uno. Now we have some star wars esque Vader and Emperor relationship. Between the time spent to render and make the Fallen and Hugo Weavings unbelievable salary voicing Megatron, we could have gotten three different secondary but quality Decepticons.

In terms of Plot, I hate it when the story stops in favor of exposition. There are points where I find it acceptable, such as the opening Crawl in Star Wars. But to bring a fill to a screeching halt in order to tell people what is happening screams to me that someone was running out of writing time. Given the writers strike of a year or two ago, I am not surprised if that was ACTUALLY the case. Now keeping in mind that the film is based on a 1980s cartoon that served as a 30 minute commercial for toys, I realize that this film fit perfectly in the 80’s cartoon.

What would have made it better? First off, I would have loved it if at one point, ANY POINT, Megatron betrayed his master. Megatron the lacky is counterintuitive to the entire franchise. In earlier incarnations Megatron had said “I BELONG TO NO ONE!” to an being that tried to command him.

Secondly, I would have to say this, and please Paramount listen. Less Exposition, more characterization. A perfect divergence point for this film would have been where Megatron “Killed” Optimus. Wounded to the point of being pulled into “Stasis Lock” (look it up, it is a Transformers term), he is brought back on life support to Diego Garcia, and the Humans turn on the Autobots. At this point the whole film does not become about the “Sun Crusher” or a great big energon source. Instead it is about the human race at war with all Cybertonions, regardless of their faction, and the attempt to get a relative peace between the Autobots and human race going.

Now for my wishes for the third movie.

Characters- I WANT to see Soundwave engaged in ground action. I said before that his function in this movie was brilliant, but I want to see a Robot Mode all the same.

Skids and Mudflap need to be rotated back to Cyberton and forgotten, and replaced with two other Autobots. I nominate the characters Cliffjumper and Brawn for such a task, though actual mileage may vary. I want to see a lot more Autobots in the background, but instead of being like the generic decepticons in this film, I want them to LOOK like they have vehicular forms.

Finally I want that super Robot, Devastator to come back. Mortally wounded, or just “hey we have a few of these guys” I do not care about the explanation. But he got punked in a manner I do not like. Likewise, Take advantage of the Transformers history, and bring in an autobot analogue. I picture 5 Autobot planes flying in formation (an A-10, F-16, F-18, F-15, and either a B1, B2, or C-17) combining in midair and landing as a super robot. At the same time, unlike this recent film, I want to see the components as their own robots functioning independently as a team.

For Decepticon Characters, lets bring in a few of the more amazing ones. The character Shockwave being reintroduced into the universe as Megatrons “enforcer” would be wonderful. I would also like to see Starscream commanding a team of two other jets, like Arcee and her motorcycles. Give those two jets names on screen, and a couple lines of military dialogue, and you got a good thing. Above all make the decepticons effectual, something that was lacked in the last film

Finally for human interaction, after two films, I think we can lower the human side a bit. Give Sam and Mikela like 20 minutes and then ride them into the sunset, Keep other Humans as far away as possible, and have the only humans with any extended screen time be Josh Dumhal and Tyrese Gibson. The idea of a Team of Human Military Liasons is a great plot point, and could be exploited much better.

Final Rating for Transformers Revenge of the Fallen. As a Transformers fan I want to give it a High Rating, but as a film buff, that rathing is Crippled. I will give it 3 out of 5 energon Cubes total. If split I would give 5 of 5 for action and fun, and 2 of 5 for writing.