Today is Star Wars day and I am feeling Irreverent, so here is a list of things that everyone WANTED Samuel L Jackson to say during his tenure in the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy.
1) BASIC MOTHER-FUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT!
2) This is your father’s Lightsaber, when you absolutely, positively must kill every mother fucker in the room, accept no substitutes
3) Hold on to your Butts, or tentacles, or whatever you got that you sit on.
4) Say try mother fucker! Say try again! I DARE YOU I DOUBLE DARE YOU SAY TRY AGAIN!
5) Use the force bitch!
6) You have reached the desk of Mace Windu, please leave a message after the beep. HEY I SAID AFTER THE BEEP! *Beep* That’s better!
7) Does he look like a nerf? *IGNITES LIGHTSABER* DOES HE LOOK LIKE A NERF!? THEN WHY YOU TRY TO HERD HIM LIKE ONE?
8) Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Yoda miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of the Force.
9) Not even the Force knows what you're doing!
10) You having a nice day, sir? You feeling all right? Not to get too personal, but a Sith standing in the middle of Courescant wearing a sign that says "I hate Jedi" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking.
11) Who was the last person to beat Darth Vader? His mother!
12) Mano a mano? My Lightsaber wants to laugh.
13) I got this young nineteen year old Country girl named Sheronda. I found her on a Starport two days outta Hoth, barefoot, country as a Nerf herd. I took her to my place in Taris, told her it was Courescant.
14) Obi-Wan can tell me any story that comes into his pretty little head, just so long as at the end of that story he hands me my motherfucking Credits.
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Please, I appreciate and value dissenting opinions but lets not make it personal.