Munchkins

This is another case of me sharing someone else story. There is a debate going on in the Battletech community of “what is and is not Munchkin.” It arose for reasons I can not quite explain, though it seems the property is in this state of singularity, with so many antique rulebooks that the company with the IP now has been working, for really the past five years now, to create a set of “Core” Books to put everything in a few easy to read volumes.

The way it works is that the core rule books are “Tiered” in a particular way. The first book gives you the Standard Rules, the ones that will never change or go away. Book 2 is an instruction manual on how you can build your own game pieces, which is where things start to get controversial. The reason being is that after a quarter of a century in development, Battletech already has over 1000 “Official” play pieces and variants, so there is a core of players who refuse to play with customs made from this second book.

Books 3 and 4 instruct you in ways to expand the standard rules to allow for new ways to play. The joke is that with them, you can have a military conflict on a sinking super tanker in a hurricane that was carrying hives of bees that are now loose, and giant robots are throwing cargo containers at each other like wrestlers and steel chairs. And there is one more book to go.

Among players there is this sense that if the rule even exists, then they have a right to use it, no matter what other players say, so this can cause some contention if at the very least, no other player is even familiar with the rules being used. Anyway on to the story.

“Back in the days when the Clans were relatively new, I got conned into playing a demo at the local RPG store. While just hanging out one day, I was talking to a friend and mentioned some 10-15 ton ‘mechs that I had designed and was quite proud of; I said that I’d put them up against any canon light design in the books. Next thing I know, the owner of the store says “We have a challenge!” because another player there told him he’d take that challenge.

So we work out the date, time and terms: I’d bring a 4-‘mech lance of my custom IS ultralights and my opponent would bring a lance of 4 LIGHT Inner Sphere ‘mechs from any official book available at that time. We settle on maps (3 x 3), victory conditions (last ‘mech standing) and go home.

At the set date and time, I show up with my force; two15-ton and two 10-ton IS ‘mechs (I might post stats later; fastest one was 6/9, I made extensive use of advanced IS tech and the lance was fairly well balanced with LRMs and even an ISerLL… and all-regular 5/4 pilots.

My distinguished opponent brought a STAR of FIVE custom clan ‘mechs; ranging in weight from 35 tons to 55 tons (yes, two mediums) each with an elite 2/1 pilot.

When I pointed out to him that this was not the agreed force composition he claimed to have forgotten, that he’d misplaced his TROs, that he was ‘used to clan tech’, that it was too late to make new sheets, blah, blah, blah…

When I complain to the store owner, he says that I ‘did say any ‘mech’ and implied that I was being a poor sport. In the end, I had nothing better to do that afternoon and if nothing else, I’d test my designs in battle.

I did ask to level the playing field by at least matching skill levels (to which my opponent strenuously objected, claiming that ‘clan pilots are the best’ so he would not even consider reducing his pilot’s uber-elite rating), but after much wrangling (and being accused of being a crybaby) I was “magnanimously” allowed to increase my pilot’s rating to 3/2.

So there I am, my 4 IS ultra lights facing five custom clan ‘mechs, the lightest of which is twice the weight of my two heaviest ‘mechs put together and his heaviest heavier than my entire lance put together.

Battle starts and surprise, surprise; he ignores zell. I start setting fires anywhere useful, generating smoke and maneuvering to get the best advantage of available cover. Within three turns we started shooting at each other. Superior tactics on my part (humbly, I have to admit it’s true; he basically tried to charge across an open field, decreasing his chances of hitting) and a few lucky rolls soon (2 combat turns) had two of his ‘mechs down and a third in dire straits, while only two of my units had any type of damage (worst damage was the loss of an arm with nothing mounted on it).

My opponent goes NUTS. Picks up one of his minis, throws it against the wall, overturns the table, kicks his sheets on the floor and storms out in a fit of fury, never again returning to the store.

Yeah. He pretty much defined “munchkin”; extreme power-gamer hell-bent on winning at any cost, including at the cost of the enjoyment of others. No single thing makes someone a munchkin.”

What we wanted Mace Windu to say...

Today is Star Wars day and I am feeling Irreverent, so here is a list of things that everyone WANTED Samuel L Jackson to say during his tenure in the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy.

1) BASIC MOTHER-FUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT!

2) This is your father’s Lightsaber, when you absolutely, positively must kill every mother fucker in the room, accept no substitutes

3) Hold on to your Butts, or tentacles, or whatever you got that you sit on.

4) Say try mother fucker! Say try again! I DARE YOU I DOUBLE DARE YOU SAY TRY AGAIN!

5) Use the force bitch!

6) You have reached the desk of Mace Windu, please leave a message after the beep. HEY I SAID AFTER THE BEEP! *Beep* That’s better!

7) Does he look like a nerf? *IGNITES LIGHTSABER* DOES HE LOOK LIKE A NERF!? THEN WHY YOU TRY TO HERD HIM LIKE ONE?

8) Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Yoda miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of the Force.

9) Not even the Force knows what you're doing!

10) You having a nice day, sir? You feeling all right? Not to get too personal, but a Sith standing in the middle of Courescant wearing a sign that says "I hate Jedi" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking.

11) Who was the last person to beat Darth Vader? His mother!

12) Mano a mano? My Lightsaber wants to laugh.

13) I got this young nineteen year old Country girl named Sheronda. I found her on a Starport two days outta Hoth, barefoot, country as a Nerf herd. I took her to my place in Taris, told her it was Courescant.

14) Obi-Wan can tell me any story that comes into his pretty little head, just so long as at the end of that story he hands me my motherfucking Credits.

VINDICATION!!!!!!

Remeber my Arbitration a few weeks ago about why Transformers Revenge of the Fallen sucked balls?

well the screen writers pretty much confirmed my hypothesis

New Blogs

for my few readers, my Brother in Law, and My friend are gonna try something new and cool.

this Blog is basically the beginning of a bad joke. it is what happens when a Jew, a Christian, and an Atheist walk into a bar. a blog where three men discuss, well, anything, and you get to see it happen.

you can find it at thebeginningofabadjoke.blogspot.com

This is Not Intended to be a Factual Statement

If I were John Kyl’s opponent in his next election I would be thanking every God and Demon that holds some sway over this world right now. For those not in the know, during the past budget crisis a huge hang up was federal dollars for planned parenthood. Said money made up one one-hundredth of one percent of the federal budget, .01% and yet it stalled the whole process.

The Gem of it was when one political party was saying that the American Taxpayer should not have to pay for Abortion Services. I actually think that is fair, and it has been the law of the land since 1976 with the Hyde Amendment. So why was it a big deal now? Any federal dollars given to plan parenthood is subject to audit, thus making this valuable organization have to prove federal money is not spent on such services. Problem solved right?

Enter John Kyl, who on the floor of the senate said, and I quote

“Abortion is 90% of what planned parenthood does.”

Let that sink in for a second. I will wait.

What John Kyl has said is that Abortion services make up 90% of Planned Parenthoods budget, which means that, thanks to the Hyde amendment they have a budget in the billions of dollars mostly provided by private donations.

Except that this has proven to be demonstrably false. As a non profit, planned parenthoods books are open to public scrutiny, and you find that abortion services make up a meager 3% of any funds spent by Planned Parenthood in the United States.

But I am not here to talk about abortion, I am here to talk about John Kyl and his defense when his statement. “Abortion is 90% of what planned parenthood does.” Was prove false in the public court.

“That was not intended to be a factual statement.”

Basically John Kyl lied on the floor of the senate, and admitted it. This means at the very least that his next election should be open season so long as at the end of every statement made you admit that “this is not intended to be a factual statement.”

Think about it.

“Hi, I am John Doe, and I want to tell you something about Senator John Kyl. Recent facts have come to light that Senator Kyl is a False Idol worshiping, child fondling heathen-devil-pagan. He snorted cocaine off the ass of Charlie Sheen, and has a total of 42 children by 56 different women. Is this the kind of man you want representing Arizona? Not me, I stand for doing the impossible, if you elect John Doe, I will work tirelessly to make sure the light barrier is broken, and we can divide by zero. I am John Doe, and I approve this message, even though it was not a factual statement.”

It is GOLD I tell you, think about Senatorial debates! Or refuting the entire election as not a factual statement.

All jokes aside, what Senator Kyl did was nothing new, but he just got busted pretty bad by it. Best case scenario is that this degenerates into a whole world of chaos and outright lying for a few election cycles before the people have had enough.

Worst case scenario though is that the people let Senator Kyl get away with it.

Same Sex Marraige Logic Bomb

I wish I could claim credit for this, I really do. The truth is that my Brother-in-law wrote this little snippet about Same Sex Marriage, and I think it is worth repeating in the wide and indestructible world of the internet. I hope you have your suit on, it's time to get wet.

Let's start with the basics: National Organization for Marriage. Not Society. Not Children. Marriage. They care about marriage, pure and simple. They are founded right there at the tippy-top of THE slippery slope. They firmly believe Gay Marriage... is the stepping stone to total anarchy. The path down the slope includes all the following checkpoints: Polygamy, Zoophilic Marriage, Pedophilic Marriage, and teaching children how to be gay (also called 'recruitment').

How do we know this? They don't actually talk about protecting their own marriages - they talk about what gay marriage will do to children and society. They are strangely mute when it comes to their own marriages. I'm not even going to do more than mention that their most public face, Maggie Gallagher (that proud proponent of traditional marriage), still refuses to take her husband's name. But, that's something we aren't being told by NOM to think about. We are such bad people for that, aren't we?

Moving on to slightly more advanced topics, such as what gay marriage will actually DO to heterosexual marriages. This can be answered surprisingly simply: NOTHING. I have =yet= to meet =anyone= in a heterosexual marriage that actually fears what will happen to their marriage with their spouse if gay marriage is made legal. They trot up some story about their children, or society at large. They might even grace me with scripture, taken gently out of context to smack me about the head and face. But, regardless of all that, they are still silent when it comes to the topic of their own marriage.

I have an idea of what is going through their minds here. I am certain that a very small percentage of them believe a band of marauding gays will come along and force them to get divorced, then force them into homosexual marriages. Let's say, maybe 1% of them. Another 14% are frightened that their closeted child, spouse, or close friend will come out of the closet in the wake of the spreading tolerance and force them to deal directly with something that repulses them to their core. Another 35% are simply parroting what they are told to parrot by their religious leaders, the term for those people more closely then ever resembling actual Shepherds. The remaining 50% aren't really pausing to think about the ramifications of their actions, since they simply aren't gay and see no real reason to be invested.

On the pro-SSM side, the heterosexuals involved can be described very simply - people who have actually given it due consideration. We know personally, and closely, someone who is gay and affected by this decision. We see the human face of this every day, and we understand. Our marriages are =not= threatened. Our marriages will NOT collapse magically, and we will not be forced into homosexual marriages.

Lastly, we understand the nature of terms like "Equal Protection," "Equal Rights," and "Liberty and Justice for ALL." Think about that for a moment. This means ALL people, regardless of race, religion (or lack thereof), sexual orientation, or any other trait which can be used to divide people.

When you throw your support in for this "National Organization for Marriage", think carefully about what you are supporting. You are supporting discrimination based in fallacy. You are supporting degradation of an entire segment of your fellow citizens into a second class. You are supporting prejudice and spin, and they are happily duping you into that support. All it takes is for you to go with the flow, not thinking about the consequences of your actions.

All Hail Suavo, Lord of Bad Rolls

When I was in college I played board games with a group of fellow nerd ranging in ages from 8 to 50. All of them had their ups and downs as people. Scott was a gentle giant of a man, but I worry about his health, James Ernst was a mathematical genius but took to playing the Meta- game to seriously. And Pete was way to hard on himself, to the point where if something went the wrong way he got distracted and his composure collapsed.

One man stood above all of these though as someone I remember. His name was George but everyone including himself called him Suavo. The first reason was that his actual polish last name was difficult to pronounce. The second reason was that he was a suave mother fucker.

When he played MechWarrior in the group he gravitated towards a faction that was known for the ability to take hits repeatedly, but not have much offensive might. Everyone questioned his choice, as it seemed that when rolling dice, he had no luck at all. He would often just miss the required rolls needed, or when he did hit it was of little consequence at the time.

He had this inane ability though, to share his luck, or lack thereof. Like a Jedi convincing a drug dealer to rethink his life, he merely waved his hands, and his opponents dice would turn to piles of cubic mush. I dunno how he did it, but at some point the rest of the play group would start praying and paying tribute to Suavo, hoping to appease him so our rolls would not go south.

To this day I still spread the word of Suavo, calling upon him for timely bad rolls and waving my hand like a jedi over my foes dice. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. Suavo is a fickle god, and he does not dole out his power whimsically