Better to have loved, then to have lost... Try it.

The Following is a portion of a letter i shared with my sister in law. The exact details as to why I told this tale are rather confidential, but the story is what I needed to share. it is a tale that only a few close confidants know, but ten years later after losing a woman I loved, it seems to be a good time to share it with the world.

There was a story I wanted to tell you, before you were shipped out to basic. I do hope that you read it over at least once. Long before you and I met I was seeing a young woman by the name of Emily Silverman. She went to the same high school my first long term girlfriend did. To say we did not get along would be like saying oil and water do not mix. In our high school years we generally avoided each other, and times where proximity could not be avoided we just did not speak, lest a shouting match break out.

In November of 2002 close to a year after breaking up with that same girlfriend I was ready to begin dating again. I ran into Emily at a party my friend was holding. It was not sparks flying or anything like that. Rather I willingly took the time to reintroduce myself to her, starting with a heart felt apology for my behavior when we knew each other previously. When I returned to Columbia after Thanksgiving I had an email waiting for me, with her phone number and a message. “Want to hang out? Maybe go dancing.”

Our first night together was eventful. I treated the whole thing like a first date, brought flowers, the whole nine. Things were going so well when I moved in for a kiss she dropped the bomb.

“You do know I am seeing someone, right?”

If on November 29^th 2002 you heard a faint screaming of the word “fuck” that was me. But something else happened that night, we hung out, talked, danced and eventually did kiss. She told me she wanted to leave the man she was with, but did not want to be a serial dater. She encouraged me to go out and date other people as well as her, give her time to sort herself out. I told her I would, but never got around to it. We hung out every weekend of December, briefly parted ways for new years, and resumed in January. At the time I never recalled being happier. It was around the 3^rd week of January that she called me on not dating anyone else, and pressed me to do it again. A week after that I started talking to your sister.

The last days of January and first weekend of February was an emotional roller coaster for me. I slept with Emily for the first time the night of Janurary 31^st, and woke up to see the Space Shuttle Columbia had disintegrated over Texas. In hindsight I should have taken that as an omen, but my belief in such things is weak to this day. About three days later I went out with your sister for the first time. In true Jenny fashion she really never gave me the chance to explain my situation. Waking up next to her, very sore from what you sister did to me, I finally got to tell her what was going on.

Much to jenny’s credit she did not cry, or feel betrayed that after sex on the first night I told her she was not the only woman I was seeing. Later on she admitted that some of the times she called me up trying to get me to come over cause she was sick, were cries for attention, but by then things had long since changed.

So for the month of February 2003 I was dating two wonderful women. I like to say there was the one I loved, and the one that loved me. To Emily’s credit, she kept saying she needed to meet your sister, saying she needed to “approve” her. Jenny was open to this idea as well, something that shocked me.

On March 19^th 2003 my life changed in a way that even 10 years later I find hard to reconcile. I got a frantic phone call from Emily, telling me something exciting just happened to her, and it meant big things for me as well. She wanted to wait to tell me in person. She told me she would be over at my Dormitory bright and early the following Saturday, because she started a new job Friday. The last words I ever heard her say were “I love you James. I can not wait to tell you.”

At 4: 19 PM on highway 65 heading to Marshall Missouri, Emily swerved her car to avoid hitting a coyote. She arrived at the University of Missouri Hospital 2 hours later and was in intensive care. I immediately dropped everything I had when her mother called me, and was at the University Hosptial Saturday morning, March 21^st. I begged her to hang on, cause she had something to tell me. Told her everything was going to be okay. I held her hand as she slipped away at 8: 22 am March 21^st.

Her mother, Kathy, later shared with me that she had left her boyfriend Jeremiah, and was working to transfer to the University of Missouri. Though Kathy did not say it out loud I guess the plan was going to be she and I would move into an apartment together.

Sister, you talked about how both you and your husband have irrevocably changed. I hope that tale shows you how I understand that. In my life I went through something at 20 years of age that no one should have to go through. And it changed me in ways I can not describe. But your sister did not run away from that, she was not afraid of what I had gone through, and she did not give up on me. I am not the same man that I was when Jenny and I first met, I am not the same man she moved in with, and I am not the same man she married. More to the point, Jenny is not the same woman she was at any of those points either.

Now as to why I chose to share this with you now? Because I should have shared it ages ago. That I did not reflects my failure to you as a friend, and a brother. Maybe there is a hint of better late then never, or a vain hope that this will give you something to chew on during those moments of mental auto-pilot. More then anything else I just want you to know that I understand, more then you know.

New Blogs

for my few readers, my Brother in Law, and My friend are gonna try something new and cool.

this Blog is basically the beginning of a bad joke. it is what happens when a Jew, a Christian, and an Atheist walk into a bar. a blog where three men discuss, well, anything, and you get to see it happen.

you can find it at thebeginningofabadjoke.blogspot.com

Happy New Year!

Well yet again I want to wish everyone a happy New Year! 2010 was odd for me, a collection of good bad an ugly. Lap 28 is about to finish up for me personally and have I had one hell of a year. Enjoy my list of best and worst

Best Video Game that I expected to be good: Halo Reach. Yes toss be in with the cult of the Master Chief. The series has its many detractors, but I have always found the mix of music, story, and rock solid mechanics to be compelling. And Halo, unlike other multiplayer games online, is fun for me. Bungies Swan song is an A +. I can leave the franchise behind here if I need to, especially since Microsoft is planning on milking it on their own.

Best “Where the hell did you come from” Video Game: Darksiders. In an era where hyper realist gameplay and first person shooters reign supreme, here was a dungeon crawler in the vein of Legend of Zelda I just could not put down. The Colors were magnificent (the only brown was in a dessert), the artwork looked almost Todd McFarlane, and the story is great for those of us who dig Biblical mythology as mythology.

Best Movie: Iron Man 2. This film was what a sequel should be. The producers and director took what they had and improved it modestly, rather then trying to go over the damn top. The jury is still out on Tron Legacy and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is half a film (BUT A DAMN GOOD HALF A FILM) meanwhile I have yet to see a lot of the oscar contenders I wanted to see.

Best Television Series: This year it was How I Met Your Mother. I am looking at this show going “I see my college life in this!”

Best New Song: the Geek and Gamer Girls song, by Team Unicorn.

Best New Person: Carrie. Sometimes people just bump into each other and a strong friendship forms, go figure.

Best Old Friend: Pamela. Hey, weren’t you on my “worst” list last year? Shows how people can make up despite some pretty heavy disputes.

Best “what the hell am I doing moment”: Taking some corny ass fan fics with my buddy Chris and I, and saying “lets make our OWN Battletech sourcebook out of this!”

Best new hobby: Lighting a stick on fire and twirling it around.

Best excuse to have a beer: “you just finished your beer!”

Best Nerd Moment: Playing Dungeons and Dragons, and my wife pulls a spell from her characters list. The DM characterizes the spell as Black pool surrounding an area, and tentacles coming up to crush the dragonmen, and we all start making it sound more like Henai then D&D!

Best “this will be regretted later”: finally getting a tattoo. It’s A Steiner fist to represent my son.



Worst Video Game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. finally got it on gamefly 2 months after Call of Duty Black Ops came out. Expect a future Arbitration on this, but the short of it is I am getting tired of competitive multiplayer engines.

Worst Movie: Wolfman. I seriously did not emote with the character at all, like I would expect in modern film remakes.

Worst Television Series: South Park, seriously it is getting to the point where only one or two episodes a year are memorable, and the rest is just gags on the news.

Worst New Song: the “Roommate Song” by Brentalfloss

Worst New Person: Sarah. Girl you broke my best friend’s heart, all cause you are refusing to deal with your shit.

Worst old Friend: sadly I can not name anyone without being guilty of something myself. So I will instead apologize to everyone who thought I was a total fuck-tard this past year.

Worst “what the hell am I doing moment”: trying to drive strait through to Indianapolis from Kansas City in the wee hours, we had to get a motel overnight at Pon Du Hoc Indiana.

Worst New Hobby: making resin recasts of miniatures.

Worst Excuse to Have a Beer: seeing your mother, much as she drives you crazy, in a medically induced coma

Worse Nerd Moment: Watching Transformers Prime, and realizing that Peter Cullen and Frank Welker really are not that good at Optimus Prime and Megatron…

Worst “this will be regretted later.” Agreeing to take all of my grandfathers unopened model airplanes. While my wife may be doing the leg-work on selling them, it has been slow.

And for a third part of this “things in 2011 I am looking forward to

Video game for 2011: Duke Nukem Forever. I have not said that in 10 years. The game that time forgot apparently will be out around my birthday. It better cure cancer after the 12 year wait.

Movie for 2011: Conan. “Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet."

Television: for Piers Morgan to be able to overcome the “He is not Larry King” wall he faces.

Event: As always Gencon 2011

Concert: I really want to see Godsmack on stage again

News Event: Der Pope to keel over and lets get someone less Euro-Centric in the papacy

Comedy- Furry Comic, and cool entertainer 2 The Ranting Gryphon to continue his mainstream rise and get a Comedy Central Half hour.

Books- I just want to be impressed by a writer again.

Banned Book Week

Happy Banned Book Week!

Yes for decades, nay nearly a century, there have been some books that have offended people so, that said people have gone out of their way not just to exercise their own power of the free market, but have forced their will upon the public by rallying for several works of fiction and non fiction to be banned at publicly owned libraries.

From Authors as celebrated as Mark Twain, to Recent Geniuses like J.K. Rowling, a minority in the United States, Nay, the entire world have sought to destroy or ban the exercise of intellectual freedom by subverting human expression in one of its most basic forms.

I choose however not to rally a call to prevent such censorship. Not because I believe that some books ought to be banned. Quite the contrary, I find all books to be as sacred as some find the Bible, or the Quran to be. It matters not if it is as whimsical as “The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby.” That Mein Kampf came from such an evil soul is irrelevant. It does not even matter if it is as bad as Twilight. The fact is that the written word is the gateway to a person’s soul, and we are allowed through books to view into the souls of others. Nothing can be more divine then that.

So rather then wording my own call, I choose instead to invoke John Milton, from his speech to Parliament Areopagitica

“Books are not absolutely dead things, but do contain a potency of life in them to be as active as that soul was whose progeny they are; nay, they do preserve as in a vial the purest efficacy and extraction of that living intellect that bred them. I know they are as lively, and as vigorously productive, as those fabulous dragon's teeth; and being sown up and down, may chance to spring up armed men. And yet, on the other hand, unless wariness be used, as good almost kill a man as kill a good book. Who kills a man kills a reasonable creature, God's image; but he who destroys a good book, kills reason itself, kills the image of God, as it were in the eye. Many a man lives a burden to the earth; but a good book is the precious life-blood of a master spirit, embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life.”

Damn, dude that is heavy stuff.

To celebrate banned book week, go out and find these books, and read a couple of them.

Birthday reflections

Well just in time for March, your Arbiter has reached his twenty-seventh birthday. I spent my actually birthday in the throws of the Flu. To say I felt like I got hit by a truck would imply the impact was brief, but very painful. I felt like I got hit by a Truck, drug underneath the wheel well and pulled across a stretch of 30 some odd miles of Arizona highway…


The following Saturday I felt better enough (I was still coughing up a storm) to have a bunch of friends over to watch “Dark Side of the Rainbow.” For those that do not know, this is the bizarre phenomena that if one plays the movie “The Wizard of Oz” muted with Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” album on a CD player, the two Sync up in such a way that you end up with a rather convincing music video.

For the most part it is bullshit. The Wizard of Oz is three times as long as the Dark Side of the Moon, and being something of a media buff, I can see glaring holes in the theory. That said, there is a lot of times in the experience, particularly in pure instrumental moments where it does become quite beautiful, and OCCASIONALLY the lips sync to the lyrics. It was great fun, even for an over-analyzed coincidence.

Turning 27 has led me to examine my life, I figure get it out there in advance of the big 3-0. no serious internal reflection, don’t worry. I prefer to marvel at what I have beheld in the world. From 1983 to 2010 we went from the Apple LISA to the iPad, the Nintendo Entertainment System to the Wii, the Pinto to the Prius… wait that was a bad example.

The point was I was born in an era where I did not just witness quantum leaps forward in such a short time, I LIVED them. I was born to an era where Computers always existed in my house, humanity in space was semi common, and rock and roll was mainstream. The idea of these things being novel to my parents is just as bizarre to me as the concept of the Internet, Cellular Phones, and hybrid cars being “typical” things for my son.

Eventually some one is going to be saying “I have journeyed through the darkness between the most distant stars. I have beheld the births of negative-suns and borne witness to the entropy of entire realities....” That is the path that human beings have set themselves on, and it blows my fucking mind.

My best guess is that I got another 43 years left on this rock, and I am NOT marking down the days. I plan on making good each one I have left. So as a toast to everyone, Here’s to another ROCKING year!

Hard to forget when the work is unfinished

In my continuing effort to state unpopular opinions that I truly hold, but also need to be said, I present these facts to you.

Eight years ago, on September 11th 2001 at 8:30 am Missouri time I was walking from the communal shows of my dormitory at Columbia College. A George Carlin skit where he was mocking the song “America the Beautiful” was going through my head, and I found myself singing it on my way back to room 202.

“oh Beautiful, or smoggy skies, insecticided grain
‘ore strip-mined mountains, majesty, above the asphalt plain.

America, America, Man sheds his waste on thee,
and hides the pines with billboard signs from sea to oily sea.”

As I was walking I saw people watching their cable news channel of choice each showing the same impossible scene. Both world trade center towers were on fire. I had obviously missed the planes being driven into them at this point, so I thought it was merely an accidental fire started by god knows what. I got Dressed and went to breakfast. Walking into the cafeteria and seeing it was empty was not unusual. That even kitchen staff was not at their stations disturbed me a bit. Still I grabbed a To Go box and my breakfast and returned to my dorm to eat. I had a good three hours before my first class of the day.

While eating my breakfast a guy who lived directly below me shouted “they crashed another plane into the Pentagon!”

That was how I was first brought to the attention of the Terrorist group al-queada’s attacks on American soil. Like others I was shocked, and my life brought to a standstill that day. I could barely muster the energy to go to class that day. I was one of three who attended my first class, and the only one my second.

Eight years later the President during those periods has, I can say (as a man who voted for him) that he fumbled the ball. A necessary war was perpetrated for the purposes of apprehending the surats (a science fiction based epitaph for “flying monkey”) that planned and initiated the attack, as well as the honor less cowards that gave them shelter and respite. We had the political capital of the world at our feet, and the will of iron to see things through. President Bush’s cabinet looked like a dream team of crisis managers.

Then in 2003 that political capital was wasted on an unneeded second war to a nation that acted like the United States version of North Ireland to the British. This stretched are resources to thin, and the idea of winning the hearts and minds of the conquered took over the idea of winning your objectives.

Now, every year on September 11th, the people of the United States of America come together to pay remembrance to those who have lost their loves at the hands of these barbarians. Bells are rung, prayers are said, and for every day that the fires burned, two pillars of light shine into the sky, seen from orbit, and from almost a hundred miles in any direction. It is a tragedy that such a thing does not strengthen the resolve to do what must be done, and what has been ignored for so long.

This gave rise to the same delusional peace movements that the Vietnam war spawned, and the foot soldiers of the Peace Movement era are now congressmen of the this era. We have lost sight of what armed conflict in this past eight years was supposed to be about. We were supposed to track down a Six foot seven inch tall Arab on dialysis. We were supposed to capture him, present him to the public, try him, and shove him in a dark hole of a prison and forget about him. His followers were to be annihilated, his homes and refuges burned to the ground, and the very principles on which he stood and justified the horrors he committed crumbled to dust.

In a fictional universe I escape too every now and then, such a thing is called a “Trial of Annihilation”, and amounts to basically lawful genocide. In this case, I feel such a thing is appropriate, I feel that anyone who would wave the banner of Al-Queda should be tracked down, captured then killed, or killed on the spot.


But now there is a movement to make the day of September 11th a federal holiday in the United States. I do ponder if there were similar calls for the Attacks on Pearl Harbor, or the Battle of Gettysburg in previous centuries. I do not like the idea of the September 11th attacks being a federal holiday for a few reasons.

First off, we have never made a holiday out of a defeat, let alone the first cannon shots. July 4th was made a holiday in remembrance of our separation from the rule of King George. However, the Boston Massacre is not a holiday, nor the Battle of Bunker Hill, both of which precede the Declaration of Independence. Likewise we do not make a holiday out of the attack on Pearl Harbor, where we received just as large of a slap to the face. Further, neither, V-E nor V-J Day are celebrated.

Secondly, we must examine the Culture of those of made the attacks and how such an commemoration would be perceived. Arabic culture is a study in confusing justifications for actions that westerners see as inconceivably incorrect. One need only look at the bombardment of Jordan by Israel in 2006 to see just how unusual the culture thinks. Jordan was shelled to holy hell, Billions of dollars in damage, with little effective reprisal against Israeli military. And yet the mere fact that the Israeli government said “stop, we think we got the point across” was declared as a holy victory to the Jordanian people (if not the government.) This Orkish attitude of military action shows a culture, at least to outsiders, seems bent on to the death battles, where one solider left standing, even if the war was lost is declared victory. That kind of unhealthy bent on genocide or suicide, which ever comes first could easily translate to seeing the making of September 11th a holiday as an acknowledgement of their victory. That is something we as Americans should not stand for.

Finally as I had stated, the fight is not done. Holiday’s are moments of celebration and remembrance. I personally feel it would be an insult to the 2998 killed and nearly 10,000 injured in the attacks, to have a holiday for a task that has not been completed yet. The towers are still fallen, the barbarians who knocked them down are still at large, and the sacrifices made to American culture are too great to celebrate now. A holiday is a day of rest, and there is to much work to be done.

Perhaps when we do capture Usāmah bin Muhammad bin `Awad bin Lādin, and kick him in that hole in Leavenworth where he belongs my perspective will change. Until then, I look to today and hope that my nation redoubles its efforts to finish what was thrust upon it. I can forgive my government for dropping the ball for six long hard years, so long as we make it count for something now.

Giant Effing Robots Pt 3

So it all starts when you paint one miniature.

as trite as it may seem that is the honest to gods truth. in my case the one miniature was a Mech called a Goshawk. I painted it to be a character for a Role Playing game that went tits up in its infancy. the concept was simple, a navy gray with racing stripes.

I loved the design so much I made more like them, and it just sort of blew up. next thing I knew I had twenty Battlemechs with this look, and planned to do more. then I realized that these were just funny painted machines, with no history in the universe. My Creation amounted to nearly nothing. so I sat down in front of my computer.

it took nearly twenty days of research. I did not want a single charismatic "leader" that everyone else flocked to. so I settled on a small group of friends, all who had vast experience, and had thier own friends and crew that flocked to them. then came the question. how could I have a handfull of people who were in thier fifties, but keep them young. that is what puzzled me the most. it was not enough for them to ACT young, I wanted these main characters to LOOK young. the best example I have is in the Wolverine movie, how Logan commented owning an original WWI era motorcycle to a man that looked old enough to be his father.

it was a relativly new book that gave me the answer I craved. miners who lived in the asteroid belts around Earth genetically enhance themselves for long life. normally the group is insular, but I took a liberty to present five (six originally but I had one killed off) people who left the belts for the sake of adventure. all of them were in fact 50-70 years old, but they looked thirty years younger, creating the dichotomy between age and experience that I wanted. As a result the lioness combat team was born. I already wrote one story for them (as completly infeasable as it would be in the battletech universes canon) and am working on a second. they are a little fan fictionish, but if people are interested they can be found at

http://www.solarisseven.com/index.php?board=13.0

look for "Tales of the Lioness Combat Team"

Giant, Effing Robots Part 1

I have been a fan of a game universe called Battletech, for over half of my life. My first encounter came with a kid in Sixth grade named Alex Fox, who introduced me to a cartoon, and told me there was a board game and book series as well. I was hooked immediately.

it does not surprise me, I was, and still am, a fan of Transformers, as well as other imported mecha such as Voltron. I even admit to enjoying the Power Rangers in my youth. but that Battletech has kept my attention for so long is something truly special.

the best thing about the game universe is that it has a little something for everyone. if you just like political and military drama in a sci-fi universe, you can stick to the novels. if you prefer computer games, the MechWarrior series fits your bill. On the tabletop side, you can make as elaborate or as simple a game as you wish. if you only want to kill a few hours, you can do a simple scenario of 4 Mechs on 4 Mechs, or if you want to be elaborate, there are rules for commanding the entire military of a galactic empire.

this game is literally only a year younger then I am. I have done my personal duty to spread the word of Battletech near and far, and this blog will be a part of it. Nest time I will talk about my favorite part of the hobby, the miniatures

Did Anyone Get the Number on That Mack Truck?

Wow my world went upside down and spent the better part of 12 days getting to some semblence of normalcy. First we moved, then there was a dispute over a laundry machine with the folks who bought my old place, then Baby is born (Victor Ian Phelan Bixby, July 17th) and there is still too much damn unpacking to do.

I may only be a week into this whole parenting gig, but it is fun. I marvel at the little wonder Victor is. My mother and father often marveled at how I grew up so fast and unexpededly, and yet when I see my son, I notice the subtle changes that happen day in and out. his hair going lighter then darker, the change in his eyes, the formation of a personality. he makes me wonder if habits that parents have become instincts for the offspring. even at a week old I see many of my wife's and my mannerisims in him. of course, like Images of Michael Jackson in toast, I could be seeing what I want to see, but it is still fascinating.

the only time I have EVER been this exhausted is after a weekend at Gencon in Indianapolis, and at least that is FUN! now find out my mother is headed to town this week for a four day "meet the grandbaby" excursion, which has me aprehensive as all hell.

I do not have a positive relationship with my mother. over the course of my twenty six years of life it took me this long to realize she was very abusive towards those around her. like many families, my father, myself, and other enabled her, not realizing we were feeding whatever circuit that said her behavior was acceptable. that behavior ultimately led to her leaving my Dad, flooding my kid brother with an abandonment issue, and really putting a final nail in the coffin of maintaining a positive relationship with me.

I am caught now between a rock and hard place. I do not want to prevent her from being a grandmother, but at the same time I can not tolerate her treating my son the way she treated me. and frankly if the rumors floating around her siblings about her second husband are true, I do not want him setting foot in my city ever.

hopefully my life will get back to an acceptable form of "normal" soon.

Moved!

So yes, it is finally over. as of today at 10 AM I am fully moved into the old place, and the new one is no longer my concern. moving is an experience that I can hardly describe. Traumatic does not fit, but at the same time it is the only word that seems to work. after all the stress, and all of the fuss, I am in a new house surrounded by boxes, and I just want to curl up in bed and wallow for a few days.

There is more work on the hosue to be done, but this week we plan on doing the relativly minor stuff, setting up the nursery and the home theater (which does not have to be extensivly remodeled as it turns out!)and the kitchen are our top priorities. after that is the Modeling studio, and the bedroom, while a professional is handling our major repair issues.

the house warming is in September, see ya then folks.

House buying

We did it, somehow we pulled off the deal. My Wife and I close on the house next Friday. The best thing about it is that the deal was on life support for a couple of weeks. After we had an inspector kick the tires of this house, and a contractor give an estimate of how much the cost of repair would be, we went back to the seller.

this is the part of the negotiations where we ask them to fix stuff or the deal is off. well as it turns out he now lives in Maui, so he can not fix stuff. so we say "fine lower the price."

his response "I can't." my jaw hit the fucking floor at that point. as fate would have it he was just barely making enough money from our sale to pay off the mortgage, and he had no extra personal funds to lower the price of his own accord. basically the guy was broke, and when we stumbled across him, he was a step shy of foreclosure.

in my personal correspondence to the seller of this house he said he was shocked and saddened by then inspection report, and regretted turning the home into a rental (which is a direct cause of most of the damage to the house). easily forgiven. my solution was to have him turn to family. Beg, borrow, and steal, pass the collection plate at church, and cash in whatever hidden away investments he had. if he wanted to keep the deal alive, I would need at least a certain percentage of the repair costs covered.

low and behold the SOB came through.

once again, I have to emphasize, this process of buying a house is not for the weak of heart. you have to be tough, keep your options open, and be willing to make compromises. sometimes you will get fucked over by things that are completely beyond your control. other times houses that you thought were "it" turns out to be junk after the inspection. Other times you just find completely inflexible sellers. the current buzzword in this economy is "as is" where a seller is unwilling to make repairs. so many listings I have had to go through have had this phrase in their listing.

Warts and all should apply to relationships with people, not with homes.

anyway, we close next week, and we are going to move in over the weekend, followed by renovations. let the next chapter begin.

Stay renters folks

Nerd Cave

So the wife and I have made an offer on a new place to live. in terms of layout it is absolutely perfect for us. the basement is expansive and it is large for the X-01 and us, and maybe an X-02 (though we are going to be waiting a few years before that happens)

Jennifer's and my relationship and now marriage has been unique in the fact that I have always had most of the stuff. so fundamentally, while living together we have always lived in a bachelor pad of sorts. it seems like this is not going to change much, but since we are both nerds, with similar tastes it matters little.

we are going to make an attempt at a "more grown up" place for most of this new house. the master Bedroom, Office, and Basement will be where the nerdness lies. it is specifically the basement that we are focusing on.

There are three rooms down there, each with what will be a most excellent focus to them. the first room is thin and long, with a tile floor and stainless steel sinks in it. Perfect for our model painting (yes she paints them too) already we are looking at how to properly equip it for such a purpose.

the second room is a small (painfully so) home theater. in the era of HD televisions I know that the cabinet that was built into the wall will be demolished and replaced. a floor to ceiling DVD case installed and a stereo surround system connected. the ability to play Xbox in full surround is a pleasure I have yet to experience, and it will be awesome.

the third room , directly off the second, is a full fledged bar. now I am going to have to rotate the bar itself 90 degrees, but other then that I have this full empty space that I can do almost anything with. what will happen to it, I do not know. Pictures will be placed on a photobucket page, and then my plans to dominate the world will take effect.

Stay tuned children!

House Crap

Seven days, Our House was on the market a grand total of seven days, and it sold. in this market that has to be a god-damned record. We Close in August, which means a few social plans I have will not be derailed, thank goodness.

now we have to find a house to live in after closing though. Mrs A and I will be looking at places today that are in our top 3. I plan on making an offer on one of them, just to get it out of the way.

for those not in the know, buying a house is a lot like bidding in an auction. you NEVER offer what the seller is asking for. depending on how things are going, you offer a small but substantial discount. some will say 15% lower, some 10%, my agent says 5, I call him a wuss. then it is a bunch of haggeling back and forth before you and the seller come to an agreed upon price. then the fun starts.

see even though you agree on a price the place is not sold yet. you hire a house inspector to "kick the tires" and see if there are structural, wiring, plumbing defects, stuff that is dangerous. the kind of crap people hide with a fresh coat of paint. like Chinese Drywall.

after the inspection you get a list of "crap that should be fixed before you move in. you go to the seller and say "not only do I have to pay for the place, but I have to spend W dollars to fix X, Y, and Z. so I say either you fix it, or you discount the price to fix it off of the sales price."

depending on how desperate people are to sell they may agree or they may tell you to buzz off.

wash rinse repeat until a final price is agreed on and SOLD the home is yours. the process is not for the weak willed or faint of heart. I would also say it is not for the arrogant or bored. it can best be described as a poker game. you bluff, up the ante, and try not to blink or sweat.

I got the person to buy my house to blink, and he was sweating. Time for phase II. more to come later

I am owed about 3,000 apologoies by my count

The News story in USA TODAY came, and it is wonderfull.

I have refered to myself as a victim of the Columbine shootings since 2002. Upon self reflection of the circumstances, I realized that the events that took place in Littleton Colorado in 1999 stirred a national panic, and every slightly odd boy and girl in grades Pre-K through 12 was now considered a bomb threat.

I was that slightly odd boy. I played Video games like Doom and Duke Nukem, I loved computers and read whatever was placed in front of me. I studied seven different religons holy text and interpreted all of them. I played board games that required dice with more then six faces. I saw Ballistics as the ultimate expression of Physics, I studied World War II like it was a Religion. I knew how to make various implements of harm out of homemade objects, as well as ingenious devices that could be helpful in a stretch. in the 1980s I would have been refered to as a little MacGuyver. At Bishop Miege High School I was a ticking time bomb.

It was horrible treatment by my fellow students. most wanted nothing to do with me at that point. Others sought to egg me on. Time however has taught me paitence, and thanks to this article, I stand vindicated. I hope that at the very least my entire graduating class reads this article, and understands. I hope they understand that what happened to me by those who sought to prevent another Columbine was a crime, and it is not one that can be prosecuted or repaid.

I am happy to see the back of that school, and I will only look at it again to see it bulldozed to the ground after I bought it.

I are adult now?

Buying a house is an interesting experience. My first forray into home ownership and its consequences was 4 years ago. I found out that my grandfather had left me a substantial amount of investments from when he passed away many many moons ago. so my apartment search ended and my house search began. being shown places and not liking them, real estate listing piling up like oh so many leaning towers, the small mountain of mortgage paperwork... fun times by all.

eventually I settled into the nest I have now. My girlfriend, now wife, moved in with me shortly after. It is a Great condo, four bedrooms, nice living space, and enough electrical outlets to power my modern life. but with the X-01 on the way (our nickname for the incoming baby) we realized that a vertically oriented house, surrounded by old fogies, and in our area is not a good place for an infant.

So I called the relator I went to last time. and he looks at our place and reccomends a lot of clean up work, including but not limited too putting away all of my Battletech Minis. *sigh...* and so we go about cleaning our place. So we go about, boxing up a shit ton of our "fun stuff" My aforementioned Minis, lots of toy collections, porn, Jenny's Altar, porcelin dolls spare computers, DVDs we do not plan on watching in the next 12 months, old files etc. We are also taking the time to ebay or donate stuff we do not want any more, which is good as it contributes less to the clutter we have.

repairs are not easy either. in the past six weeks I have spent close to $4,000 dollars on projects that needed to get done. from repainting to carpet cleaning to fixing trim and sealing cracks. it is not fun, but that nightmare is almost done.

Now we have to look at places. I admit I am spoiled. I grew up in precisely one house. I lived in it from when I was 3 years old to the day I moved out in 2005. so I am spoiled a bit. I expect a lot of open space, rooms with utility and purpose. so I see these houses and say "hey, that has a lot of space." and when we take the tour I am shocked by the photography tricks. Another issue is the general state of disrepair places are in when the owners are gone.

and as for the mortgage paperwork.... oh fuck me running! when I first bought my place in 2005, money was flowing like freaking ethonol (65% less viscous then water) now a days it seems more like molasses. Calling different banks up, some say yes ,some no. some will give you this outrageously high rate, others so low you have to ask "is this a 30 year rate? or did you just give me an ARM?"

and the yes's and no's change almost weekly, it sucks.

the home buying journey continues. our place is going to go on the market by months end. then the dance of negotiations begin.... more coming soon

the world of my Geekery

My Wife and I found out we are going to have an evil genius....

oh wait you wanted the sex? We are having a boy.

on a less Serious note, I wanted to tell a story. I am a video gamer. I have been as long as I can remember. the funniest thing about my video game experience is that I was prescribed, by my pediatrician, a Nintendo. people always find it hard to believe, I know. but is true

when I was four years old, I was having difficulty with hand eye coordination and fine motor skills. I held chalk like Mr Bates held a knife, and I could draw rain... and that was about it. My parents were worried because I would not color or paint in Pre-school as a result. I am sure some kids made fun of me, and that was why,m but I honestly can not remember.

so Dr. Miller told them that a a good half hour playing Nintendo would probably help develop those motor skills, and he wrote on his prescription form "1 Nintendo, Super Mario Brothers"

22 years later, my handwriting still sucks, but I can probably kick your ass in Halo ;)

I am sure my love of Electronic entertainment is not unique, though I hope my method of entry is. Ever since though I have had a passion for the games. early on though I found a great deal of them frusterating. I could not get past the water level in Mario, games like Karate, Excite Bike, and Golf could not hold my interest for lack of understanding the controls. and as for Top Gun... can anyone really land that plane?

No, I was not truly hooked until my dad bought a 2 pack of games from Capcom. Megaman 1 and 2. now Megaman 1 was an absolute beast to get through... even today let alone when I was 6. My dad and I made it our personal Mission to beat 2 however, it was that game that convinced my dad to get a subscription to Nintendo Power Magazine, and one of the FEW times we called into the Nintendo tips hot-line.

Time has passed, Systems of come and gone. I can say I have owned every single Nintendo System at one point in my life. I even have a Vitural Boy locked in a briefcase in a closet somewhere. I spend time online with my friend Pete, or with my Wife playing two player stuff, and some nights, there is nothing like a cold beer and some heavy action game. And to think, it all started with a prescription.

Pregnancy Can Lead to Violent Outbursts

My Wife is pregnant, due in August. The prospect of becoming a father is scary enough as is, and other people only make it worse. For the past four months, if I have not been bombarded with congratulations from people I can barely fucking remember, I am given stories anecdotes and parenting advice.

Just what I need… parenting advice from mediocre parents. You know who has given me the best parenting advice so far? My buddy Jazz, by that I mean he slapped me on the back, said “welcome to the club, you are fucked,” and handed me a beer. Of course the worst parenting advice I have been given has come from my own parents… I know how their advice turns out, and I am not impressed.

It has been worse for MrsArbiter. Since she is starting to show people have been rubbing her belly, and been flowing with their self important bullshit. It has given her fits of homicidal rage where she actually has managed to kick my ass in Battletech and Halo recently. It makes me want to turn her into the She Hulk of pro gaming.

So I must plead with you, my fellow miscreants. Do your preggy friends a favor. If she is past the first trimester, stop offering congratulations, stop telling stories, and stop giving out unsolicited advice. Offer support and encouragement, well wishes, and beer.

If you really want to do something for new parents, offer them money, cause I am finding out how just expensive kids can be.